


Girl On Fire

by dancingwithwolves



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, Mentions of Finn's Death, Mentions of Kurt/Blaine, Minor Character Death, Minor Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-14
Updated: 2014-02-20
Packaged: 2018-01-04 14:40:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 47,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1082196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancingwithwolves/pseuds/dancingwithwolves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A certain blonde dancer is back in town, but is Santana ready to pick right back up where they left off?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. If I Die Young

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything before Season 5b is still canon.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. Obviously.

She didn't call after Finn died. You can’t get that out of your head. She didn’t call. 

You know she knows. It was all over Facebook. And Puck undoubtedly told Sugar about the memorial and the funeral…neither of which she showed up for. Then again, neither did Sugar. Puck and Sugar email back and forth for some reason, God only knows why he keeps up with her. 

You’re positive she knows about Dani. She has to. That’s all over Facebook too. Maybe that’s why she didn’t call. But it doesn't matter. You're happy now…with a real lesbian. One who won't leave you for the first blonde headed trouty mouth that comes along. 

But Britt is different. She already knows how to make you feel better. She’s always just known exactly what to do to put a smile on your face. Dani, bless her, tries her hardest, but you have to show her what to do sometimes. It really makes you miss how effortless being with Brittany really was. 

“What's wrong?” Dani asked, noticing your face.  
“Oh! It's nothing,” you say quickly. “Just remembering Finn.” Her big brown eyes give you a sympathetic look. She looks a little like a puppy dog that has been dipped in blue frosting. 

It's been two days since you got back to New York after Schue’s Glee club memorial. Rachel hasn't left her room and Dani hasn't left your side. It's nice and all but you're still getting used to the colorful girl. Literally. Her hair is the same color as the nickname you gave Rachel back in high school: Smurf. Smurf blue. But you kind of like it. It's badass if you really think about it. And she's so pretty she could pull anything off. You smile at her.

She looks up from her spot in the crook of your arm where the two of you are laying on the couch and smiles back. Your smile fades slowly so you look back at the TV quickly though you know she's no where near as good as Brittany at reading you.  
You sigh inwardly. You miss the blonde dancer. Losing Finn has made you miss her more than usual. You can't imagine how Rachel is feeling. He was her Brittany.

You glance down at Dani again and immediately feel bad. You know Britt is your future but you don't know when that future is going to start. It's not really cheating if it's all in your head right?

You kiss the blue haired girl on the forehead. She grins at you.

“Are you hungry? We could run back down to the diner and make Kurt wait on us.”

You grin back. Making Lady Pants bring you a burger sounds like exactly what you need. You kiss Dani again on the lips. Butterflies flutter around deep in your stomach. You do like her. You just don't know if it'll ever be love.

 

Dani pulls you by the hand into Spotlight diner. You spot Kurt standing at the bar wiping off a menu. He pauses to twist his engagement ring. You know he’s struggling to enjoy his engagement because he’s misses his oaf of a stepbrother. 

Dani leads you up to the bar where Kurt stands. You squeeze his shoulder to let him know you’re there and because as much as you normally hate touching anyone, especially someone likely to get glitter all over you, you know he needs it. 

“Hey Pretty Pony, why don’t you take a break and join us for milkshakes.” Kurt smirks and glares at you over this week’s nickname. Dani chuckles and puts her chin on your shoulder. She’s surprisingly short, especially when you’re used to the tall dancer. And there you go thinking about Brittany again. You pop a kiss on Dani’s nose as Kurt groans in disgust. 

“Get a room!”  
“Oh please, you and Blaine were so loud during his last visit I thought you were actually going to wake Mr. Louis Armstrong himself where he is slumbering ever so peacefully all the way over in Queens in his grave!” Dani says with a smirk as your eyes widen. It is not the time to joke about dead people. 

You freeze and stare hard down at the menu. You know she just stuck her foot in her mouth. And she knows it too. 

“Oh my god…you guys…I’m…ugh! Such as idiot.” She shut up and hopped off her bar stool, hanging her head as she walked to the bathroom. You glance up at Kurt who is sitting diagonally from you on the corner of the bar. 

“She obviously didn’t mean it…” you start to say defending your girlfriend, though you were pulled right back into the same memory Kurt was: dressed in a tight black dress squeezing Quinn’s hand next to you, looking down as Finn’s family tossed roses into his open grave. Kurt of course wasn’t wearing a dress this time, thank God. 

He sighs. “I know, Santana. She’s not a monster. She just has this knack of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.” He looks up at you with sad eyes. You and Kurt have grown close over the past few months of living together. You even secretly put Finn’s letterman jacket on Bruce, Kurt’s boyfriend pillow, once a week because you know how much it means to him…to both of you. 

You both order a burger and fries and one for Dani too just as she comes back from the bathroom. She looks up and gives you a tight smile. You roll your eyes at her and squeeze her hand. Her smile becomes more genuine and she squeezes back. 

After dinner you take a walk with Dani through the city because you said you’d wait for Kurt’s shift to end so he wouldn’t have to take the subway back to Brooklyn alone. 

“Santana, I’m so sorry about what I said earlier…I shouldn’t be so insensitive…I don’t know what goes through my head sometimes.” Dani says hanging her head again. 

You stop walking and pull her chin up so she’s looking at you. You kiss her lightly on the lips. 

“You’re talking to the queen of insensitivity. I was the one who started calling Finn names before I could even choke out half of a crappy country song at his memorial. I was there to remember him and grieve with my friends and what did I do? I go and ruin it as usual.” You feel tears prickle the back of your eyes and pull away from Dani because you suddenly feel uncomfortable having opened up to her so much. Dani pulls you back though. 

“Santana, you’re not insensitive. You’re just…you. You don’t let people in. Not many people get to see the real you. I hope one day you’ll let me see everything under this thick skin of yours.” 

You let out a shaky laugh and smile at her, wiping away a stray tear. She kisses your cheek and pulls out her phone and snaps a picture of the two of you. 

“Hey! I wasn’t ready!” You fake pout as she makes a big show of choosing an Instagram filter for your photo. 

“I think you look beautiful.” She smiles as she shows you the photo with the black and white filter. You have a small smile and you’re looking at her in the photo. You do have to admit it’s a good picture of the two of you. 

“Fine!” You huff dramatically before giggling as she grabs your sides, tickling you. 

“Ha! It already has three likes on Facebook and Instagram!” 

“Fine, fine. Let’s go pick up Lady Hummel.” You smile, your night taking a turn for the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this is a Glee fic, I use a lot of songs so here is the master playlist! Some songs are only alluded to, others are included in the story.. you get the idea. Enjoy.
> 
> If I Die Young - Glee Cast  
> If I Can't Have You - The Bee Gees/Glee Cast  
> Mirror - Ellie Goulding  
> This is the New Year - A Great Big World/Glee Cast  
> Young and Beautiful - Lana del Rey  
> Candles (Piano Version) - Not really by Hey Monday  
> All You Need is Love (Piano Cover Version) - Not really by The Beatles  
> All You Need is Love - Glee Cast  
> Teenage Dream - Glee Cast  
> Just the Way You Are - Glee Cast  
> For Good - Glee Cast  
> Dancing on my Own - Glee Cast  
> I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me) - Glee Cast  
> River Deep, Mountain High - Glee Cast  
> The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face - Glee Cast  
> Neon Lights - Demi Lovato  
> Girl On Fire - Glee Cast  
> There You'll Be - Faith Hill  
> XO - Beyonce  
> Nightingale - Demi Lovato  
> What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger) - Kelly Clarkson/Glee Cast  
> Do What U Want - Lady Gaga  
> Another Day - Rent Cast  
> How Long Will I Love You - Ellie Goulding  
> Love Me Again - John Newman  
> Love Don't Die - The Fray  
> Out Tonight - Rent Cast  
> Cherish/Cherish - Glee Cast  
> Come See About Me - Glee Cast  
> Maybe Tonight - Bonnie Dune  
> Crystallize - Lindsey Sterling  
> I'll Cover You - Rent Cast  
> Without You - Rent Cast  
> You're Mine - Lea Michele  
> Seasons of Love - Rent Cast/Glee Cast  
> Light My Candle - Rent Cast  
> Seasons of Love B - Rent Cast  
> Take Me or Leave Me - Rent Cast/Glee Cast  
> I'll Cover You - Reprise - Rent Cast  
> Finale B - Rent Cast  
> #beautiful - Mariah Carey ft. Miguel


	2. Mirror

Tears form in the corners of your eyes as you stop dead on the black and white picture of the two of them. You’re glad she’s happy, really. But it hurts because you miss her so much. You need your best friend back. But you can’t call Santana. She’s moved on and you need to too. 

You need your best friend badly, but you settle for your second best friend. After all, she moved here all the way from Lima just to hang out with you. You look over to where Sugar is sitting on the couch watching Dancing with the Stars. She’s rooting for a girl who looks a lot like Mercedes; it’s creepy actually how much they look alike. But anyway, Sugar came all the way here because you needed someone you could count on to help you figure out how to live on your own. It took you three hours just to figure out how to make coffee with your new coffee maker. 

You sigh. Sugar looks over. “What’s wrong Britt?”

You swivel your computer around showing her the Facebook photo of Dani and Santana. You can’t tell that Dani’s hair is a wild blue in the black and white photo, but just based on the nose ring and heavy eye liner, you’re surprised Santana’s into her. You know precious her image is to her. 

“They look so cute!” Sugar squeals, but then looks at you and her face falls. “Sorry, Asperger’s. They’re not really that cute. You guys were much cuter togeth…oooh Amber got 29/30! She’s so amazing!”

She was glued to the TV again. 

You shut your computer and walk to the smaller bedroom of your rather large two-bedroom apartment. A definite perk of living with Sugar is that her dad bought the apartment in cash and said you could live there for free. You fall back on your bed and shoot a text to Quinn. 

*How was the memorial? I feel so bad I couldn’t make it* 

She replies almost instantly. 

*Don’t feel too bad. I couldn’t either. Heard Mike, Mercedes, Kurt, Rach & San went though*

You sigh and hug your stuffed unicorn. Santana had given you Sparkles as a birthday present when you turned six. It’s your most prized possession. You debate on asking Quinn if she knows anything about Dani. You know she and Rachel talk on the phone every once in a while. You decide against it. Quinn would easily pick up on your jealousy.

*It’s unreal. But at least he’s a giant angel in heaven now*

Quinn sends you a smiley face back assuring you that Finn is definitely looking out for all of you now. You drift off wondering how high angels can fly. 

 

You wake with a start as Sugar and her tiny dog Diamond pounce on your bed. 

“Wakey wakey Brittany!” Sugar shrills in a singsong voice. “You’ll be late for your meeting with the smarty pants professors!”

You groan under your rainbow blanket, another gift from Santana that you couldn’t let go of. Diamond yaps loudly close to your ear and you hear Sugar squeal something about how he’s such a cute puppy and prance out of your room. You love living with Sugar but she’s an even earlier riser than you are. And not to mention, she wouldn’t let you bring Lord Tubbington even though Diamond sheds way more than LT ever does. 

Sugar has been great though. Her Daddy hired a private tutor to home school her so she could finish high school here with you. She makes sure you’re fed and always have company so you’re not lonely in the big city. She even navigated MIT’s student portal and helped you set up your email account so you could get the daily reminders of how smart they think you are. You’re afraid they’re going to find out too soon that they gave the scholarship to the wrong girl. 

You pull yourself out of bed and walk into your private bathroom. Yesterday’s eyeliner is smudged on your face, probably from crying. Oh well, you sigh. After a quick shower you head to your meeting. 

“So Miss Pierce, we aren’t going to actually have you start classes until the fall since we’re already halfway into the semester, but we’d love to see you in the lab. Maybe you could pull some more numbers from that brilliant head of yours!”

You chatted with the dean of the mathematics department for a while longer, trying to make yourself sound smarter than you feel. They keep using big words and talking about all of the math that you’re going to have to do. Your head hurts just thinking about it. 

 

Eight months later well into the fall semester your head doesn’t feel much better. In fact it feels ten times worse. 

Your classes are so hard that you stopped going to most of them some time in September. The only thing good MIT has gotten you is a spot in their dance troupe. The school has a surprising large dramatic arts and recreation center and you know exactly when the dance practice rooms are empty. It’s your safe haven away from the mean professors and constant emails about losing your scholarship and missing class. 

You plug in your iPhone to the dock in the corner of the dimly lit room. You click shuffle and are immediately transported back two and a half years, sitting in the choir room at McKinley High School watching the love of your life sing the Bee Gees’ disco classic “If I Can’t Have You.” You sway to the music as your mind is stolen once again by thoughts of her. 

She’s still with Dani. It’s on her Facebook page. Dani’s hair is pink now. You admire her bravery in hair color choices. Your sunshiny blonde seems dull now in comparison. You’ve really tried to move on. You’ve gone on a few dates with girls and guys but you always end up back home snuggling up to Sparkles the unicorn thinking about Santana. 

You haven’t spoken to her since you first arrived at MIT. There were a few phone conversations that kept getting shorter and shorter and more spaced out until they didn’t come at all. You know it’s partially your fault. You never called after Finn died. You should have, but you didn’t know what to say. Santana was a lot closer to Finn than you ever were. She took his virginity and he dumped her out of the closet, but you know Santana always cared way more about Finn than she let on. He even took her shopping for Rachel’s Hanukkah presents. 

The song ends and Ellie Goulding’s Mirror blares through the speakers. It’s such an appropriate song for how you’re feeling. You let go and move with the music. Dancing has always been an emotional outlet for you. You let go of everything and let your body take over. 

_I look in the mirror_   
_I can't get over you_   
_Is this our world?_   
_Is it someone else?_   
_Is it someone else?_

The words ring in your ears as tears form in your eyes. You ignore them keep moving, dancing to the lyrical melody. 

_I was the girl who was on fire_   
_I was the girl who was on fire_   
_Only a bird could get much higher_

You smile a little as a memory of Santana washes over you. You hear Santana singing Alicia Keys’ Girl on Fire to the Glee club the day she left for New York and you hear her singing it just you on the day you told her about MIT’s offer. She was so proud of you. You were the girl on fire. You angrily swap tears away from your eyes. You know the real reason you haven’t called or texted. You completely cut off contact to everyone from Lima except Sugar and your parents because you’re embarrassed. For once you wanted to be good at something. You wanted to make her proud. And now they’re going to take your scholarship away and probably kick you out of school. 

“Brittany?” You jump as you hear your dance instructor call your name. “What’s the matter?” 

You glance in the mirror at your smudged eyeliner and tear stained cheeks and sigh, wiping your eyes. 

“I just…it was an emotional song. I guess it got to me.” You mumble. 

“Britt, what’s been going on? When we first met you were so incredibly full of life and your dancing was crazy energetic and upbeat. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you’re still easily the best dancer I’ve seen in our troupe, but you move with such sadness now.” He’s looking at you with eyes full of concern.

“I’m flunking out. I’m not smart. I never have been. I just…I just wanted to prove to everyone that I was good at something for once.” You choke back a sob as you admit your fears out loud for the first time. You’ve gotten to know David pretty well since you met him at auditions back in May. He’s even offered you private lessons, not in a creepy older man way, but in a way that makes you feel like he really cares about you. 

He pulls you in for a hug and let’s you cry on his shoulder for a moment before saying, “Brittany, you are the most talented person I’ve ever met. Don’t for a second think that just because you can’t do math that you’re not good at something. In fact, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about your future in dance.”

You pull away and look at him. “Dancing’s just something I do for fun. You mean I could actually make dance into a job?”

“Well, I hope this isn’t overstepping any sort of boundary, but I’ve filmed you dancing, practicing and all of your solos. I put together a video for you. If MIT isn’t working out, you could always apply to schools for dance or even skip school altogether and audition for some companies.”

You hold the DVD he made in your hands. “I don’t have to go to school? I could just dance?”

“You could. You’re good enough that you don’t need school.”

You skip out of the recreation center after making plans to meet tomorrow to send in your video audition for companies all over New England. You’re happier than you’ve been in a long time. You smile even when your phone dings telling you that you have an email from the dean of admissions. You skim the email already knowing what the impending meeting is about. 

 

You sling your purse down on the kitchen table as Diamond sniffs around at your feet. Sugar comes shimmying down hall. 

“Well?” She looks at you expectantly.

“They did it. They took away my scholarship. I can’t do math. College isn’t for me I guess.” 

“But now you can dance!” Sugar squeals. Even though you’ve only been friends with her for a couple of years, she knows you’ve been dancing since before you could walk. 

You grin at her. “Come on, we’re going to miss our flight!” You grab your already packed bags and race her out the door. There’s nothing like going home for the holidays.


	3. This is the New Year

You almost skipped out on Christmas this year, but of course your mom wouldn’t hear anything about that. In fact, she insisted you bring Dani back to Lima so they could finally meet the pink haired girl. 

“Ready?” Dani asks as she grabs your hands and twirls you around the living room. Kurt and Blaine left a few days ago to go back to Lima too and Rachel’s dads picked her up yesterday to go on their annual Hanukkah cruise. 

You enjoyed your night with Dani alone in your apartment. You usually stay with Dani these days since Blaine moved into Kurt’s room after he graduated. If you have to listen to one more impromptu NYADA performance, you’re probably going to barf. Needless to say, the loft is a little cramped; although, Dani’s apartment isn’t much better. Her rocker roommate always comes home during the wee hours of the morning strong out on only God knows what and crashes on the couch. 

You push Dani up against the living room wall and kiss her hard, last night’s activities not far from your mind. Her kisses give you chills. She is so good with her tongue. 

Panting a little, Dani pulls away from you and smirks. “We’re going to miss our flight.”

“Hmph. We might not get a chance to have any fun in the next week though.” You fake pout. She kisses you again and pulls you out the door. 

 

Christmas goes as expected. Dani only has a few blunders with your parents and overall they seem to like her. But if you’re honest with yourself, you realize you don’t really care how they feel about her. Just as you start to wonder why you feel that way, the image of the tall blonde dancer creeps her way back into your mind. Ah yes, you do know why. 

Even after all this time you still think about Brittany. You haven’t talked to her since March. You suppose you could have called her, but you’re too much of a stubborn ass even when it comes to her. She clearly doesn’t care to keep up with you, so why should care about her? The thought of her not caring sends a sharp pang through your stomach. You glance at Dani who’s asleep next to you on your flight back to La Guardia. You pop your head phones into your ears and hope that she doesn’t wake up until you get back to find you looking sad and guilty again. She’s getting a lot better at reading you. 

Finally back in New York you push the door of your apartment open only to be greeted by a pair of 2014 glasses being shoved on your face. 

“Hey what the hell!” You shout at Rachel as she giggles, clearly having already gotten into the stash of champagne. 

“We’re celebrating! It’s New Year’s Eve, Santana! Put on your dancing shoes!” She sashays back to the kitchen to pull out two more champagne flutes. 

“We also have big news!” Kurt practically squeals from the corner of the couch where he’s cuddling against Blaine’s side. You roll yours and Dani’s suitcases toward the futon in your partitioned “bedroom.”

“What’s the news boys?” Dani asks taking a sip of champagne from the glass Rachel hands her. You grab yours from Rachel before she drops it. She’s so excited for this news she’s shivering like a Chihuahua. 

“We’re having a spring wedding! Here in the city! March 8th!” Kurt screams at the top of his lungs, spilling his champagne as he dives into Blaine’s lips. Rachel squeals and starts shouting about wedding planners and how three months is almost no time to plan a wedding. 

You grin and exchange a look with Dani. She’s grinning back at you and rolling her eyes at how everyone in this room is so much gayer than the two of you. You stand to let whoever is knocking on the door in. Elliot moves to kiss you on the cheek before latching onto Dani’s side. Over the past few months since Kurt formed that stupid band that didn’t go anywhere at all, not that you were surprised, the two have been inseparable. 

You let a couple of Rachel’s cast mates from Funny Girl in the door before retreating to the bathroom. You know Dani won’t come looking for you with Mr. Starchild sassy pants here. You sigh and sit on the side of the tub. 

Brittany is still occupying too much space in your mind. You start to wonder if she’ll be invited to the wedding. You’re sure she will be, after all she was friends with the wonder twins back in high school too. Obviously you’ll have to take Dani. Anxiety grows in the pit of your stomach over thinking about the two of them in the same room. What if Brittany is dating someone new? You can’t ever tell because she never updates her Facebook. You know she wouldn’t even have one if you hadn’t made it for her during your freshman year of high school. She only uses it to share pictures of cats she finds on other websites. 

You hear shouting from the other room so you make your way back to the party. You’re tired and would rather sleep through the ball dropping than listen to the theatre nerds plan a wedding.

“What about invitations?! You need to send those out, like now!” Rachel is still screaming about the gayest wedding you’re likely to ever attend. 

“Rach, calm down. We had them made when we were in Lima. My dad is good friends with a guy who owns a printing company so we got a good deal. They’re being sent here and should get here by the end of the week. Then you can help us address them and send them out.” Blaine reassures the drunk girl. 

A knock on the door steals the attention of the loud, short girl. “Santana! You should get the door!” She shouts at you with a broad smile. You wonder what she’s up to. 

“Oh my god, Q! What are you doing here?” You grin as you hug your old best friend. Quinn squeezes you around the middle. 

“Rachel sent me a train ticket and a very threatening letter saying that I was to come here and see you guys or else.” She giggled and pulled Rachel in for a hug too. 

Quinn barely made it around the room to hug all of her friends before Rachel, buzzing with excitement, spilled the beans about the upcoming nuptials. You sit back and watch your friends as they make plans about the wedding. You remember plans you made about how you’d like your wedding to be with Brittany. Your smile falters and Quinn sees it. 

“San, I’m really craving donuts! Want to go out with me and see if there are any donut shops still open?” She stands and offers you a hand. You can’t refuse. You squeeze Dani’s shoulder as you walk past her. She kisses your cheek and resumes her conversation with Elliot. 

Once you’re out in the cold Quinn comments on your mood.

“Is it really that noticeable?” You sigh. 

“Maybe not to everyone, but come on I’ve known you since we were Pop Warner cheerleaders in the first grade. I can tell when something is wrong.”

You bite your tongue. You feel bad even bringing it up, but you do anyway because even though you pretended to be rivals throughout high school, Quinn is your best friend. “Have you talked to Brittany lately?”

“She texts me from time to time. You guys haven’t been talking?” 

“No, not since before Finn died…around the same time Dani and I got together. I didn’t think she’d be the one to get jealous, after all she did ditch me for Trouty Mouth.” 

Quinn smirks at Sam’s old nickname. “She’s been distant with me. She never tells me much. She just says that MIT is really hard and I think she’s tired of living with Sugar.”

“I can’t imagine why.” You mumble. You never liked Sugar as much as Brittany did. “I just…I keep thinking about her. I miss her a lot. But I feel so guilty about it because of Dani.” 

Quinn doesn’t say anything for minute. You hold your breath. You can feel Quinn silently judging you. 

She finally speaks. “Do you still love her?”

“Yes,” you breathe out before you realize what you said. “I mean, of course I do, I always will.”

“Do you love Dani?”

“I…yeah, I love her.” You do, you really do. She’s been so great, especially after Finn died. She took care of you and you actually let her. 

“But you’re not in love with her.” Quinn states. Your breath hitches. You’re not sure when Quinn got to know you so well. 

“I’m trying to be.” You finally say. “I want to be, but I can’t help but think Britt and I will still somehow end up together…it’s stupid.”

“She was your first love. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel the same way about Puck. Part of me felt that way about Finn, but I think I always knew that he and Rachel belonged together.” She gives you a sad look and you’re reminded of the late nights you’d find Rachel still awake sitting on the couch scrolling through endless photos of her and Finn on her computer. It broke your heart. 

She spoke again. “You have to do what makes you happy. But I know you’re so damn proud and probably won’t call her. Just…I don’t think it’ll ever be too late for the two of you. Do something or don’t. Or give it more time. As far as Dani goes, she’s really sweet from what little I’ve seen of her and heard about her from Rachel. If she makes you happy, then stay with her.”

You nod and decide that was the end of that conversation. You stop in front of a donut shop and hold the door open for Quinn. You grin as she walks up to the counter and asks if they have anything with bacon in it. 

 

The next morning you walk into the kitchen to find that you’re the first one up. You start coffee and glance around to see who actually crashed in apartment last night. After a few glasses of champagne and a couple of donuts everything got fuzzy around the edges. Dani is still wrapped up on your futon where you left her. Elliot is stirring on the couch, Quinn is in Rachel’s bed, and the wonder twins are in their room. You’re glad the other nerds left. They were weird and one was creepy and old. 

“Shit, I have to be at work in 20 minutes.” Elliot jumps off the couch and pulls his t-shirt back over his head and rushes out the door. “Tell Dani I’ll call her.” 

The door slams as Rachel comes yawning from her room. “Too much champagne. Need coffee.” She grunts in your direction as you hand her a mug. 

Dani and Quinn emerge at the same time with the boys not far behind. The five of you sit at the table and eat leftover donuts before Dani gives you a quick kiss on the head and heads to the diner for her shift. Luckily, you don’t have to work today and that gives you a chance to spend the day with Rachel and Quinn. Even though Quinn doesn’t visit as often as Rachel would like her to, you’ve kept in close enough contact to still call Teen Mom your best friend. And living with Man Hands has obviously made you two very close. 

“Quinn, I was hoping that I could take you out for a little while this morning. Kurt was hoping to talk to Rachel and Santana alone.” Blaine explains. You quirk an eyebrow at Kurt. Quinn seems to understand better than you and they quickly get ready and head out. 

You look at Kurt expectantly.

“I want you both to be bridesmaids at my wedding. Well actually, Santana, I want you to a bridesmaid. Rachel, I was hoping you’d be my maid of honor. Obviously I would have had Finn be my best man, but since that can’t really happen anymore…you’re my best friend and you were the love of his life so I can’t think of a better person to stand next to me at my wedding.” He chokes up a little at the end of speech and you and Rachel both have tears in your eyes. 

Rachel stands up and walks around the table to hug Kurt. You grab his hand across the table. “I’d be honored Kurt.” Rachel whispers through her tears. You simply nod at him. You squeeze his hand and grab a box of tissues from the living room. They pull you in for a three-way hug. 

Kurt exhales sharply and pulls away wiping his eyes. “I’m also asking Mercedes to be a bridesmaid. So once we get her in on this we’re going shopping for dresses!”

 

After spending a fun few days with your friends things start to go back to normal. You pick up extra shifts at the diner to avoid the ridiculous number of wedding planning boards at your apartment. Rachel, Blaine, and Kurt all go back to NYADA for their spring semester and Dani picks up a gig playing guitar at a coffee shop in Queens. You feel like you’re wasting your time bringing hot plates of extra fattening foods to extra fat tourists. You also know that you’re definitely not going to wait tables forever. Hell to the no. It’s embarrassing watching all of your friends make something of themselves while you wipe ketchup and God only knows what else off the grimy tables at the diner. You’re way too talented to sit around and do nothing.

After work one day, you grab your laptop to do some research. You need to figure out your future. School is pretty much out of the question. You have some credit from the one semester you actually finished at Louisville and you know that both Sue and your cheerleading coach from college would write you sparkling letters of recommendation with a little encouragement if you ever needed them. But you don’t know what you want to do. Maybe an extension program at NYU?

Your dance classes at NYADA have been going great. Maybe you could go back to school for dance. Maybe you could even audition for an off-Broadway play. You sigh. 

A few clicks later you find yourself on NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts website. You look into the drama and dance programs. Maybe college is for you after all. They hardly require real classes outside of the arts classes. You decide right then that you’re going to take a chance and do it. A few minutes later you’ve constructed an email to send to Sue Sylvester, your coach from UoL, and Will Schuester. Sue replies within minutes with a complete letter of recommendation that she wrote and has been updating since before you graduated. You hope the other two can scrape something together that’s as good as Sue’s letter. 

You hit the apply button and start the application with a smile. You’re back. You’re going to be famous just like you always said.


	4. Young and Beautiful

“Brittany! You have mail!” You bound down the stairs at your house in Lima wrapped in your favorite Cheerios sweats. January in Ohio is freezing. 

Your mom thrusts two letters at you. One is silver and white and sparkles in the light and the other is solid white and very official looking. She’s grinning with excitement. You can tell that the official looking envelope holds information about an audition for a dance company. You decide to open the glittery one first since it looks a little less threatening. 

“Kurt and Blaine are getting married in March!” You read the invitation and the blurb they stuck inside about not knowing where you were or your current address. Your thoughts race to Santana, who as Kurt’s roommate, is sure to be there too. You get nervous thinking about seeing her again and you get even more nervous when you look down at the second envelope. 

You slide your thumb under the flap and slowly rip it open. You read it aloud to your mom. 

“To Miss Brittany S. Pierce…formally offer you a spot in our company!” You squeal before skimming the rest of the letter and allowing yourself to get swept up in a hug from your mom. They don’t even want you to audition again! You’re going to New York to dance, maybe even dance on Broadway. You can hardly contain your excitement. 

 

As soon as you moved to New York everything seemed to be moving at a quicker pace. Within a week you met three other girls in the company who were looking for a fourth roommate for their Queens apartment. Nervous about not having Sugar as a security blanket, you jumped on the offer because you did not want to be alone in the big city. 

The dancing has been more than you could have hoped for. You have long days of rehearsal Monday through Saturday that keeps you going nonstop, something you always loved about being on the Cheerios. The company is basically a home base for dancers who audition for various Broadway shows. You’re not sure exactly how it works if you never get picked to be in a show but the response you’ve gotten from your instructors boosts your confidence for your first audition that happens to fall on the day before Kurt and Blaine’s wedding. 

Now you’re on your lunch break between rehearsals meeting Rachel at a sandwich shop near your studio. She hugs you before you sit down. You love being around Rachel again. You’re both really affectionate so it’s nice to be around someone who will hug you back just as hard. 

“How are rehearsals going?” She wants so badly for you and her to be in a show together. After Funny Girl, she took a break to focus on schoolwork again, but now you can tell she’s itching to get back out there. The waiter comes by and sets drinks down and takes your order. 

“Rehearsals are going well. I love everything I’m learning and I love just focusing on dancing. How’re classes?” You sip your drink. You want to ask about Santana. You still haven’t talked to her. 

“They’re going. My dance teacher is still pretty hard on me, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.” She grins. “You’re coming to the wedding right?”

“Rach, you’ve asked me a million times and my answer is still yes. I’m absolutely coming.” To see Santana, you think to yourself. 

As if she could read your mind, she says, “I’m sure Santana will be happy to see you. I can’t believe you still won’t let me tell her that you’re living here now. She’s going to kill me when she finds out.”

You smile at the waiter as he sets your salad down in front of you. You stare down at your food as Rachel tentatively speaks again.

“Have you been seeing anyone at all? I can’t help but feel that you’re still pretty stuck on Santana.” 

You shake your head and sigh. “No, I mean I’ve had a date since I moved here. He’s a really nice guy. My roommate introduced us. I liked him but it was just a date. I just felt like I didn’t really care.”

Rachel grabs your hand. “Listen, life is short. If losing Finn has taught me anything, it’s that your time is precious. You need to go after what you want. You’re going to nail your audition and then at the wedding, sweep Santana off her feet.”

“But she’s with Dani.” You spit out as if it’s poison in your mouth. 

“She’ll never be able to love Dani the way she loved you. She doesn’t look at Dani the way she looked at you. Britt, I’m a hopeless romantic and I know true love when I see it. Finn and I had it and you and Santana had it. You can get it back. I feel awful for saying it, but Dani isn’t the one for Santana. It might take some time for her to figure that out, and you need to let her do it on her own, but she will figure it out.”

You urge your tears to go away. Rachel is telling you to go for it. When you talk to Quinn about it the next day over Skype, she’s not as enthusiastic. 

“Look Britt, I know you love Santana and I know that she loves you. She always will, but right now she’s with Dani and you have to respect that. If it’s meant to be, then it’ll work out, but you can’t hurt people in the process. Rachel is obviously high on whatever it is that NYADA gives their students, but you can’t just walk into that wedding and throw yourself at Santana.”

You sigh. Quinn’s right. You have to let it play out naturally. If it’s meant to be then it’ll happen. You start to say something when she cuts you off. 

“You do need to talk to her though. You’re both hurting not talking to each other. I feel so guilty when I leave out the part about you being in New York when I talk to her. I can’t keep this a secret much longer, B.”

“I know. I’m going to tell her. I’ll see you soon, Q.”

 

“Brittany Pierce.” The casting director calls out your name and you walk across the stage. The song you’ve selected starts to play. You slowly start moving with the music allowing it to take over. You completely forget there are people watching you.

_Will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful?_   
_Will you still love me when I’ve got nothing but my aching soul?_   
_I know you will, I know you will_   
_I know that you will_

_I've seen the world, lit it up_   
_As my stage now_   
_Channeling angels in the new age now_   
_Hot summer days, rock 'n' roll_   
_The way you play for me at your show_   
_And all the ways I got to know_   
_Your pretty face and electric soul_

You dance with such passion as you pour your every emotion and every fear into your movements. 

_Will you still love me when I'm not young and beautiful?_

When you finish, you barely register the very formal and cold “thank you, you’ll hear from us by Monday” and walk off the stage. You wipe a stray tear from your cheek, grab your bag, and walk out into the brisk March air. 

 

You straighten your lavender tea length dress before you get to the doors of the church. You’re kind of surprised the wedding is being held in a church since you remember Kurt not like religion at all in high school. A boy in a very familiar navy and red blazer holds his arm to you and you link your elbow with his. 

“Sebastian Warbler?” You smile questioningly at the usher. 

“Brittany! I can hardly keep you New Directioners straight. But no, too old to be Warbler now, but the current guys let us borrow blazers to wear to wedding per Blaine’s request. You know he can get the Warblers to do anything for him still. Are you sitting on Kurt or Blaine’s side?”

You had thought about this. Yeah, you made out with Kurt and Blaine did beat you when you ran against him for class president, but you got to spend the first half of your second senior year with Blaine competing with him for the title of the new Rachel. Most importantly though you know that Santana is a bridesmaid on Kurt’s side so she’ll be facing Blaine’s side for most of the ceremony. 

“Blaine’s. And I love your blazer!” He leads to pew in the center of the church. You slide in next to the girl who actually proved to be the new Rachel. You throw your arms around Marley Rose and squeeze her. 

“Brittany! Oh my God, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you!” You catch up with Marley until Sugar is escorted in and sits next to you. Not long after the pianist starts to play a piano version of Hey Monday’s Candles. You vaguely remember Kurt and Blaine singing this together at a competition. 

You see Tina start to walk down the aisle in a beautiful deep royal blue knee length dress with a handful of gorgeous white roses. You stop breathing when you realize who is walking down the aisle next to her. You’ve never seen someone so beautiful in your entire life. Santana has on a similar dress of the same color and her face breaks into a dazzling smile as she sees people she recognizes on Kurt’s side. Luckily she passes you before glancing at Blaine’s side. You’re not ready for eye contact. You’re afraid to see that smile fade. 

You’re so wrapped in your thoughts you don’t register Blaine’s brother, Cooper, and Mercedes, then Sam and Rachel walk down the aisle until Blaine and his father step into the open doorway at the back of the church. He’s grinning ear to ear, which makes you smile. You’re so excited for the two boys. He makes it to the front of the room, kisses his mom and hugs his dad before taking his place at the front of the room. 

You look back to see Kurt with Burt and Carole on either side of him. You glance at Blaine again who looks like he sees his entire world walking towards him. All three of the Hudson-Hummels have tears spilling out of their eyes and smiles on their faces. Kurt kisses both of their cheeks and takes the single white rose he had been holding over to a photo of Finn set up next to Rachel at the front of the church and lays it in front of the photo. Kurt is still for a moment and you see him wipe his eyes. You know that Finn was meant to be Kurt’s best man. You feel a tear trickle down your cheek as you think about everything Finn could have been. You see Kurt squeeze a teary Rachel as he joins Blaine in front of the minister.

You look around the church at all of your old friends. You see Quinn and Puck sitting next to Lauren Zizes on Kurt’s side. Kitty has her head on Artie’s should in the pew in front of you, next to Jake and Ryder. David Karofsky holds the hand of a handsome blonde man who smiles at him with the same look Blaine was giving Kurt when he walked down the aisle. Mr. Schue, and a pregnant Emma are sitting in the front on Blaine’s side while Sue Sylvester and Becky Jackon are sitting in the very back pew on Kurt’s side of the church a few rows behind Mike Chang and Unique. You feel a surge of jealousy when you look at Santana again and find her smiling down at a girl whose hair is a very faint shade of purple. She’s sitting next to a guy with frosted tips. That must be Elliot. 

The ceremony is short and sweet and soon an instrumental version of The Beatles’ classic All You Need Is Love plays from the piano as the wedding party files out of the church. You duck your head as Santana walks by. You’re not ready. 

You linger in the back of the reception hall. People are milling around waiting for the newlyweds to arrive. The recorded version of All You Need is Love from Blaine’s proposal drowns out the chatter as the doors swing open and the bridesmaids and Sam and Cooper saunter in wearing huge grins. Rachel heads to the stage flanked by Tina, Mercedes and Santana. 

“Everyone please help me in welcoming Mr. and Mr. Hummel-Anderson!” She bellows into the microphone as the two boys walk in hand in hand grinning at their applauding friends. “As I’m sure all of you read on your invitations, this is no traditional reception. This is an open mic for anyone who can and wishes to sing. I have pretty much every song imaginable. So now to help me and my fellow bridesmaids get this party started, please welcome the Warblers to help us sing for Kurt and Blaine’s first dance as a married couple. 

You keep far away from the stage and very far away from the purple haired girl who is seated in the middle of the room. You watch a few performances that were obviously planned and rehearsed before the mic opens up to guests and try to work up the nerve to take the stage. Finally you see your opportunity. You tell the main working the karaoke system which song you want to sing and take the stage. 

You find her in the crowd. Her beautiful long hair is curled on the ends and brushes against her bare back as she chats with Quinn. Your song starts and you see her move to the dance beat. You start to sing. Before you can get two words out she whips her head around and locks eyes with you. 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqKsAcMMT68

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kXcTpWCWyY


	5. Dancing On My Own

(Two days earlier.)

You’re exhausted when you finally make it back to your apartment Thursday night after school, dance class, and work. Since you applied to NYU so late you can’t actually start until the summer and you don't actually even know if you've been accepted yet but you enrolled in a couple of non-degree courses to busy yourself in the meantime. You still take dance classes at NYADA because you hate to admit but the school has excellent dance teachers. And of course your boss wouldn’t dare think about giving you the night off before the big wedding weekend. You look down at your bed to find a deep royal blue dress that Rachel must have picked up from the tailor. You’re so glad the boys decided on a common color but allowed you, Rachel, Mercedes and Tina to all pick out your own style. Rachel’s full skirt would not flatter your Latina ass. You hang the dress on your rack of clothes that doubles as your closet and fall back into a deep sleep. 

But the sleep didn’t last nearly long enough when you’re jolted awake by the sounds of Rachel and the wonder twins singing in the kitchen. You groan and glance at the time. You’re doing a spa day with Kurt, Rachel, Mercedes, and Tina who are supposed to arrive in an hour so you figure you should probably get out of bed. 

*Can’t wait to see the cutest bridesmaid at the rehearsal dinner tonight.* Dani texts just as you set your phone down. You send her a smiley face and joke about not knowing that she thought Rachel was so cute. You’ve had an excuse for avoiding her lately because of your now crazy schedule and your manager hasn’t scheduled you two to work together since he caught you making out in the bathroom on your break. You figure it’s probably best since the possibility of Brittany being at the wedding has had you on edge for about three weeks. 

One plus of staying so busy is that you’ve completely cut yourself out of the wedding planning. The downfall of not being involved is that you really want to know if Brittany is going to be there, but you’re too proud to ask and since you won’t help, they all refuse to volunteer any information. 

You roll off the bed and walk into the kitchen to grab some coffee. You can already tell the next two days are going to be long. 

“Santana, good, you’re up!” Kurt says excitedly. You grumble something back about not being about to sleep over their wailing. He ignores you and keeps talking.

“Do you have any song ideas for what you might sing at the reception other than Teenage Dream obviously?” He asks you. You were told a few weeks ago about the music plan for the reception. And in true Glee club fashion, it’s the dumbest idea you’ve ever heard. They’re skipping out on a band and a DJ and doing karaoke. To be fair, Rachel does have the best karaoke music repertoire you’ve ever seen and they looked into getting a top-notch system so who knows, maybe it’ll be fun. 

“Uh, it’ll be a surprise.” You say slowly. You haven’t thought about it at all. Kurt can tell and he immediately rambling excitedly that you need to pick something. You figure you’ll just wing it. You would be happy to just wing your few lines of Katy Perry’s Teenage Dream for the first dance song, but none of your roommates would have that. You practiced a cappella with Rachel while Skyping with Mercedes and Tina. The four of you are singing while the Warblers back you up. You don’t know how you got sucked into this mess. 

You sigh and walk away before Kurt is done talking to you. He yells after you and you retort by telling him to stop being such a Bridezilla. You head back to your partitioned room and pull on leggings and an oversized sweater and head to your spa day. 

 

The rehearsal dinner was all a blur and you’re less than interested in having the Kurt’s wedding planner, aka the gayest man in the world, tell you what to do. You move when they say and at the end the other three bridesmaids insist on one last practice of Teenage Dream before heading home. 

Sam, who had arrived with Mercedes earlier that morning, pulled Blaine away from Kurt promising to have him back in time to walk down the aisle. You kind of wish you were Blaine’s bridesmaid because you’d really love to avoid Porcelain’s Bachelotte party that Rachel was throwing in your apartment. 

Back at home, Dani saunters over and sits on your lap. She nips at your neck and whispers in your ear.

“I’ve missed you. I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.” You swallow hard. You feel terrible for avoiding her but can’t summon the courage to say anything about it so you just nuzzle her neck. You can feel her smile against the side of your head and kiss your ear. Your stomach tightens as you remember how Brittany would drag her lips down the side of your ear before softly nibbling at your ear lobe. You pull away slightly so Dani doesn’t have the chance to do Brittany’s thing. 

You try to reason with yourself in your head, which is pretty much all you’ve been doing since you started dating Dani. She’s a real lesbian who isn’t going to leave you for a boy. She’s very pretty and super snarky, sometimes even bitchier than you are. She’s been constant and present for almost a year, always there when you need someone most, and the sex is amazing. But she still doesn’t quite get you. She hardly ever picks up on how you’re feeling and doesn’t always know when to step back and give you space. And never mind that she can’t dance to save her life. You see Brittany pirouette in your mind, full of poise and grace. 

You’re so lost in your own thoughts that you don’t realize that Dani is no longer sitting on your lap and Mercedes has sat down beside you. 

“Santana, are you in there?” She waves a hand in front of your dazed face. 

“Sorry Aretha, just had a few long days.” You smile at your old friend. You miss having Mercedes around. Even though she was always your competition, you miss spending time with the sweet girl. 

“Tell me about it. I’m so jetlagged from our flight, but I’m so glad I didn’t have to come alone this time.” She goes into a longwinded spiel about how she and Sam reconnected and she brought him to LA to follow his dreams like he had pushed her to do. You flash her a wide smile before throwing your arm over her shoulder.

“I’m so happy for you ‘Cedes.” You always knew and she and Trouty Mouth belonged together. He just needed to get over that ridiculous thing he had for Brittany. Brittany. Somehow your thoughts always end up back on her. 

Soon Tina and Mercedes start to make their way back to the respective hotels, but not before Mercedes makes you promise to sing with her at the reception tomorrow. 

Once everyone is gone and Kurt and Rachel tucked away in bed, Dani pulls you by the hand to the futon you usually share. She slowly starts peeling away your clothes and kisses your bare skin. You start to protest because you’re tired, but her mouth engulfs your whispers as she pushes you all the way down on the futon. 

She slowly kisses down your bare torso to the insides of your thighs. You hands tangle in her hair and you get lost in the feeling of the girl's lips on you. Soon you feel yourself shudder with pleasure from the other girl. She slides back up to eye level with you and kisses your collarbone before sneaking away to the bathroom. You sigh a happy sigh. Maybe Dani is the right one after all. You feel her arms snake around your waist as she snuggles up into your back. You fall asleep feeling content with the girl with purple hair. 

 

(Present day aka wedding day!)

You wake with a start and shower Dani’s face with light kisses until she flutters her eyes open. She gives you a sleepy smile and playfully demands coffee. You walk in the kitchen to find Kurt moving his special pre-packed wedding day bag of necessities to the door. 

“In a hurry lady face?” You chuckle. He glares at you and curtly suggests a shower so you don’t smell like shit for his wedding. You can’t help but laugh and hug him. 

“Cheer up Porcelain, it’s your wedding day.” You’re sure he’s thinking of calling Blaine his husband as he grins at you. You stop in Rachel’s room to set a cup of coffee down on her nightstand before handing Dani hers. 

After showers and coffee, the four of you pile in a cab and head to the church, not before dropping Dani off at her apartment. She kisses you before letting herself out.

“See you later!” She says with a smile. The wedding party is getting ready at the church but Dani already has plans to arrive with Elliot. 

The cab pulls up to the same church you were in last night when you practiced walking down the aisle. Mercedes meets you just inside the doors and pulls you all into the choir practice room you’re using as a dressing room. You pull out your hair tools and get to work on your long mane. 

“Does everyone have everything? Has anyone checked to see if the minister is here yet? Oh God, is Blaine even here?” Rachel stops halfway through lining her right eye with eyeliner and stands to block Kurt’s path as he paces back and forth across the room.

“Kurt, I love you but you need to calm down. Blaine is here. Sam sent Mercedes a text a few minutes ago. Tina was getting ready at her hotel last I checked. Your parents are on…” She’s cut off by a knock at the door. 

“Everyone decent?” Burt’s voice carries through the closed door. Kurt opens it and Carole follows Burt in the room. 

“You look great, son.” Burt says to Kurt with a proud smile. Carole grabs Kurt’s hand. 

“Blaine is such a lucky man to have you Kurt.” She tells him. Kurt pulls both of them in for a hug. 

Rachel finally speaks up. “I’m so glad you two are here. Kurt hasn’t stopped pacing since he perfected his hair half an hour ago.” 

“Yeah, and we all know he has nothing to worry about. Kurt, you and Blaine are soul mates and this wedding is going to be perfect.” Mercedes reassures him. You all finish the last minute touch ups when Sebastian knocks on the door telling you that it’s time. 

You grab your small bouquet of white roses and take your place next to Tina. You glance over at her and give her a nervous smile. This could be it. This could be the first time you’ve seen Brittany in over a year. She squeezes your hand as the doors open and the piano song starts to play. 

You both slowly walk down the aisle. Your eyes scan Kurt’s side of the church looking for the blonde when you catch another blonde’s eye. 

“You look so hot!” Quinn mouths at you and you smile widely to suppress a giggle. You can't help but be reminded of the last time you and Quinn were at a wedding together.

You take your place at the front of the big church and watch Mercedes and Cooper, and then Rachel and Sam take their places. You grin as Blaine hugs his parents and stands in front of the minister. You fight back tears as you see three very teary Hudson-Hummels walk down the aisle. 

You let the tears fall when you see Kurt place a single white rose in front of Finn’s photograph. You had overheard him and Rachel talking about the best way to remember Finn during the ceremony, but you didn’t know what they had ultimately decided on. 

You scan the room once more but give up on trying to find Brittany is the crowded church. And even though you enjoy performing and being on stage, staring out at the people makes you nervous. You focus your attention on the two boys exchanging silver bands. You’re not one for mushy crap but their personal vows make your heart flutter a little and you try to imagine what you’re wedding will look like. 

Of course, you glance down at Dani who is sitting only a few rows back leaning against Elliot, and you feel a pang of guilt. You know what you’ve always imagined your wedding looking like. It would be big and beautiful because that’s what Brittany always wanted. You inwardly scold yourself for still thinking about what Brittany would want. Dani is great for you and after last night and everything else she does for you, you owe it to her to really put effort into making her your priority. But then you can’t seem to fight wanting to find Brittany in the crowd. 

You cringe a little at the sight of the two boys kissing for the first time as husbands but then smile because you’re secretly a romantic and love that Kurt is so happy. He has his soul mate. You just wish you had yours. 

You get ready to follow the rest of the wedding party back down the aisle when you see Sam push Cooper in front of him so that he can hold hands with Mercedes. You grin and hold out your elbow to Tina. She smiles back and links arms with you as you walk out of the church and a block over to small park where the boys have planned to take photos. You’d normally mind all the fuss, but you know you look hot so you smile and pose for the millions of pictures Kurt demands to be taken. 

 

People are already munching on hors d’oeuvres from trays that waiters are carrying around, your suggestion for food, when you arrive at the reception. You follow Rachel up onto the stage with Mercedes and Tina and listen to her announce the arrival of the newlyweds and the Warblers. The boys take the dance floor as Rachel and the Warblers start belting out Teenage Dream. 

_I’m a get your heart racing in your skin-tight jeans_  
 _Be your teenage dream tonight_  
 _Let you put your hands on me in your skin-tight jeans_  
 _Be your teenage dream tonight_

You belt out the lyrics to your second favorite Katy Perry song, the first obviously being I Kissed a Girl and shimmy off the stage when it’s finished. You take a seat next to Dani at the table and swivel around so you’re facing the stage. 

Rachel waits for Sam to make it up to the stage before addressing the boys again. 

“So we didn’t tell you about this part of the reception, but obviously it’s traditional for the best man to make a speech. Kurt, Blaine, I love you both like you’re my brothers. You’re going to have such an amazing life together in New York and I wish you all the love in the world. May the force be with you.” Sam ends his mini-speech with an impression. You roll your eyes and grin at Mercedes. She beams. 

Rachel takes her own mic. “Blaine, you are such a wonderful, wonderful person. You have such a beautiful heart and you’re so incredibly talented. I know the two of you will go so far together and I plan to be there every step of the way. I love you. And Kurt, first I want to say that you’re my best friend in the entire world and I love you so much. You’ve made me so proud over the past five years. You’ve grown into such an incredibly person and I don’t know what I’m going to do without living with me! Second, Sam and I have prepared a song that should be a little familiar to the two of you. But it also doubles as your father and son, and mother and son, dance. Burt, Carole, this may have some significance to you too as it shares the name of the song Finn sang at your wedding. Anyway, we love you all so much and we wish you a lifetime of happiness.” She wipes away stray tears as Billy Joel’s Just the Way You Are begins to play. 

You recall singing this song while dancing around your apartment with all four of them. You smile watching Kurt take turns dancing with Burt, Carol, and both of Blaine’s parents. Both boys stop dancing to loudly sing their favorite line. 

_I said I love you and that's forever_  
 _And this I promise from my heart_

The song finishes and everyone applauds. 

“One more song before I let someone else take over the stage. Kurt, get up here.”

Rachel starts to sing your favorite song from Wicked. You vaguely remember hearing about Kurt and Rachel singing For Good on a Broadway stage when you went to New York for Nationals for the first time. 

Dani grabs your hand. You’re startled. You had forgotten she was there. 

“I hate musicals.” She grumbles. 

“Even Wicked? It’s a classic.” She nods and yawns. You turn away. You’re kind of annoying at her for putting down your favorite.

_Who can say if I've been_  
 _Changed for the better?_  
 _I do believe I have been_  
 _Changed for the better_

You applaud loudly when they finish and tell her you’re going to talk to Quinn. You find Quinn chatting with Puck when you hear Sebastian and a few other Warblers take the stage and sing along to music for once. 

“Hey hot stuff.” Quinn has clearly already been into the wine. You grab her glass and chug it. 

“I needed that. Dani hates musicals. She hates Wicked. Who hates Wicked?!” You’re annoyed, but you know that you’re more annoyed that you haven’t seen Brittany. You can’t believe she’d actually skip out on the most unicorn wedding you’ve ever been to. 

“San, why do care if Dani hates musicals?” 

“Because Brittany loves musicals.” You both grab another glass of wine off the tray the waiter is carrying. You down that one just as fast as the first one and set your empty glass back on the tray. You hear a catchy Robyn song start to play and start moving with the beat. 

_Somebody said you got a new friend_  
 _Does she love you better than I can?_

You heart stops. Before the whole first line is out of her mouth you turn around to find Brittany S. Pierce’s eyes locked on yours. Finally after too many torturous seconds, she shuts her eyes and moves with the music. You’ve never seen anyone looks so beautiful. 

_I’m in the corner_  
 _Watching you kiss her, oh oh_  
 _I’m right over here_  
 _Why can’t you see me, oh oh_  
 _I’m giving it my all_

Her eyes open and lock with yours again. 

_But I’m not the girl you’re taking home_  
 _Oh, I keep dancing on my own_

You feel Quinn’s hand on your back and you finally rip your eyes away from Brittany. You turn to her and see her wide eyes. Puck also looks at you with a shocked expression. 

“Did you know she was here?” You ask Quinn tentatively. She nods. 

“San, are you okay?” You glance at Dani. She’s on the dance floor with Elliot gyrating to the beat. She can’t dance to save her life and that immediately annoys you. But not even two seconds after you can feel annoyed you feel extremely guilty for wanting the gorgeous dancer on stage. 

The song ends and Brittany speaks. “How’s everyone doing tonight?! Kurt and Blaine, this is the most unicorn wedding ever and I’m so happy you guys are finally married! I have one more song but I really need an old friend to help me sing it. Can you help me get Santana on stage?”

Blood pounds in your ears. You remember your high school duet as Whitney Houston’s I Wanna to Dance with Somebody fills the room. You turn back to Quinn and she smiles and shrugs. 

“Maybe you should join her.” You see Dani walking towards you with a smile on her face. 

“Get up there!” She shoves you in the direction of the stage. Slowly you make your way through the crowded dance floor. You watch Brittany before climbing the stairs and taking a microphone.

_Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody_  
 _With somebody who loves me_

She looks at you hopefully. You start to sing your part. You haven’t forgotten it. 

_Somebody, who_  
 _Somebody, who_  
 _Somebody who loves me, yeah_  
 _Somebody, who_  
 _Somebody, who_  
 _To hold me in her arms, oh_  


She grins as she sings her part changing the pronouns to fit a girl-on-girl romance. As the beat picks back up, she grabs your hand and spins you and do the same dance you did all those years ago. Not a step was out of place and everything just came so naturally. 

_With somebody who loves me_

The crowd erupts in applause at your impromptu dance performance. Brittany pulls you in for hug. 

“Thank you for dancing with me.” She whispers, her lips grazing your ear. You shudder. She smiles at you and walks off the stage. You’re not ready to leave the stage to face anyone yet so you grab your mic again. 

“Mercedes, how’s about you and I gets our song on?” She jumps up and runs to the stage while you tell the karaoke guy to play River Deep, Mountain High. 

You get lost in the powerful, fun song and that plus the wine goes to your head. When the song ends you feel much more at ease. That is until you see Rachel and Tina running up the stairs, each grabbing a microphone. 

“I know you both just poured so much power into that last song, but the boys need a slow dance and I know the perfect song if you still remember it.” Rachel smiles at you, silently begging for you to agree. You simply nod, but your chest tightens when you hear the first strums of the guitar in The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face. 

You remember performing this song with the other bridesmaids for Will Schuester before his proposal. You remember seeing Brittany’s smiling face in your mind and thinking that you’d be together forever. You stare down at your microphone until your part comes up. You lock eyes with Brittany as you sing. 

_And the first ever I lay with you_  
 _I felt your heart so close to mine_

You feel a tear roll down your cheek. You bat it away hoping no one noticed, but you know Brittany did. She frowns. You look down as the song finishes. 

Rachel takes your hand as you walk down the stairs. You grip her for support. You’re shaky after drinking the wine so fast and being hit with your emotions so hard. Her eyes are brimming with tears too. You know she can’t stop thinking about Finn, especially right now. After all, she almost married him, twice. You hug her. 

“I miss him too.” You whisper in her ear. She sniffles and pulls you in tighter. 

“Santana, don’t waste another moment not being with her.” You back up and look at her before pulling her into the empty bathroom. 

“What do you mean by that?” You ask seriously. 

“I mean Brittany. It’s written all over your face. You love her. Look I’ve known for a good six months now that Dani just isn’t making you happy. Sure it was fun in the beginning when she was new and different, but it’s been over a year Santana and you still look at Brittany like she’s greatest thing in this world. Take a chance. You’re allowed to be happy.”

Tears fall from your eyes fast and hard now. Rachel scoops you up in her arms and holds you. You hear the door squeak open. The tall blonde dancer stands beautifully poised in the doorway. 

“I…um…I’m sorry, I’ll go.” She turns quickly to leave before Rachel grabs her arm. 

“You two need to talk.” She looks in the mirror and wipes her eyes. “Santana, no one will be home for a while if you’d like to go back there for some privacy.”  
 


	6. Neon Lights

You walk in the front door of Santana’s apartment. It’s a lot cooler than the tiny place you’re staying in in Queens. 

“This is it.” She perches on the arm of the couch, clearly uncomfortable. You sit in another chair a safe distance away from her. You frown. This is exactly what you didn’t want to happen. 

“How long are you staying in New York?”

“Well,” you pause, “I’m living here now. I have been since January.”

“What?! Why am I just now hearing about this?” She seems angry. 

“I’m sorry, I made Quinn and Rachel promise not to tell you. I’m dancing for a company here. I got kicked out of MIT. I…I didn’t want you to know because I was embarrassed that I wasn’t smart enough to keep my scholarship and stay in college. And because I always make things messy for you…” You look down at your hands while you admit you defeat, then slowly look back up at her. Her face has softened significantly. 

“Britt, I wish you would have told me. You’re my best friend and I can’t believe I didn’t know you’ve been living in the same city as me for a couple months now. Did you come here alone?” You nod. Her eyes get big. “Britt, this is a huge city! You don’t just come to New York alone and not tell anyone!”

“That’s why I told Rachel. I needed someone, but I just didn’t want to screw up your life again.”

“Hey,” she kneels in front of you taking your hands, “you will never screw up my life. You’re one of the best people in my life. I don’t know why you’d ever think I wouldn’t want to see you.”

“I just…you’re so happy with Dani. I know we have…feelings…between us and they make things messy. I don’t think I know how to be your friend anymore.”

You tentatively look at her face. She’s staring back at you with a look you’ve seen before. She looks scared and kind of like she wants to kiss you. You break eye contact and look down at her hands in yours. 

“I don’t know how I feel about her.” She whispers. You look up again. You’re hopeful and you hate yourself for it. Then she pulls her hands away and starts to speak again.

“No, I do know. She’s great. I’ve been really happy with her.” Her words sting and you fight back tears. She keeps talking.

“I want to be friends though, Britt. And I get that it’s hard and weird especially when we’re not together but I at least want to try. I need you in my life. You’re my best friend.”

You swallow the lump in your throat and try to look happy. She wants to be friends after all. So what if she’s in love with Dani and not you. You can handle it. You’re both adults now. 

“I always want to be your friend San,” you tell her with a fake smile. You’re sure she can tell it’s fake but she doesn’t say anything about it. She just smiles back and hugs you. You hold on for a second longer than you should before jumping up and saying that you should really get home. She insists you stay but you know you won’t be able to sleep knowing she’s in the next room. 

“Thanks San, but I need to get back to my apartment.” You’re out the door before she can protest. 

You walk a few blocks in the cold March air to clear your head before hailing a cab since it’s not actually practical for you to walk all the way back to Queens from the Bushwick apartment. 

 

You walk in your own apartment to find somewhat of a party going on inside. Your roommate Katelyn screams at you to “get your ass in here, Brittany, so we can dance!”

You ignore her and walk into your shoebox-sized bedroom. You strip off your party dress and pull on some old Cheerios sweats and fall back on your bed. The walls seem to be made of paper because you can hear Demi Lovato’s Neon Lights coming from the living room. 

After a few minutes of trying to ignore it, you get up and walk into the kitchen and pull out your stash of vodka from the freezer. You pour a healthy amount into a cup before pouring cranberry juice on top of it and drain the cup. Then you pour yourself another and look around. You need to get your mind off of Santana. You spot a guy from across the room that grins at you. 

An hour and two drinks later you find yourself back in your room underneath the same boy whose name is Jake. You let him kiss you and try to convince yourself that it’ll help with how you’re feeling. You kiss him back, trying really hard to get into it. He’s cute with shaggy brown hair and an accent that reminds you of Sam. 

You help him pull your pants off and fake a smile so that he’ll think you’re enjoying yourself. When he’s finished you slide your sweats back on and lay on your side. He drapes an arm across you and kisses your neck lightly before dozing off. 

Tears silently seep from your eyes onto your pillow. You’re reminded of your high school self. You were the girl that slept around with everyone because inside you were dealing with the feelings for your best friend. And at the time your best friend was doing everything to avoid confronting those feelings. Sex has always been something you turned to when things got hard. As a dancer, you have ultimate control over your body. It’s your weapon of choice and sex is just one way you can use it. And of course it’s always nice to feel wanted especially when you’re being rejected by the love of your life. 

You can’t help but think of how things might be different. You shouldn’t have let her go when she broke up with you. You should have told her that you didn’t care about the distance, that you just wanted to be with her. You should have never dated Sam, even though he is really sweet and you liked him a lot. He still wasn’t Santana and you always knew that. He had just made you happy when no one else was there. 

You can hear the rest of the party winding down. The only sound you hear is your roommate Bella talking with some guy you don’t know. You consider waking Jake up and making him leave, but you decide not to. He is a really nice guy, despite the fact that he just had sex with you after only knowing you for an hour. If the circumstances were different you could probably like him. 

 

The next morning you wake up and check the time on your phone seeing that you only have an hour until your rehearsal. You roll over to find a note in Jake’s place. 

_Had a lot of fun with you last night Brittany. Maybe we could have dinner one night this week. Call me –Jake_

You sigh and set the letter down on your nightstand. Maybe you should call him. Santana has Dani so why shouldn’t you try to be happy with someone too?

You don’t have much time to think so you pull on your leggings and a tank top before throwing a jacket over your shoulders. After brushing your teeth you grab your bag and yell for the other girls. Bella stumbles out of her room with the guy from last night and walks to him out the door, not even glancing at you. Katelyn wraps her arm around your waist. 

“How was your night? I saw you with Jake. I totally invited him with you in mind!”

“Oh yeah, he’s really nice.” You say with a shrug. “Want to get going? I need coffee.”

The two of you stop for coffee and bagels at the coffee shop near the subway before boarding and arriving at the dance studio in Manhattan. You can tell she wants to ask more about your night with Jake but she doesn’t push it. Katelyn has become one of your closet friends in your company, but you haven’t told her about Santana so she fully expects you to be into the cute boy.

“I wish living here wasn’t so expensive.” Katelyn sighs. You look up at the tall buildings. You’ve lived here for a few months now, but you’re still mystified by the grandness of the city. You’d love to live in a high-rise apartment in the middle of Manhattan and it would be a lot more convenient and closer to your dance studio. 

You check your phone before rehearsal starts. 

*Lunch?* You stomach drops. It’s from Santana. You’re afraid to say yes, but can’t bring yourself to pass up the offer. 

*Sure. Where should I meet you?* 

*Is Little Italy too far? I know this place that has great breadsticks* You smile at her response. She cannot pass up breadsticks for anything. You agree and she sends you the address. 

You join the other dances in the studio and start warming up feeling extra giddy.

 

You’re too nervous to be hungry as you climb the stairs up from the subway to the street and walk a block before finding the tiny Italian restaurant. You swallow hard and push the door open. You see Santana sitting at a small table in the back with a textbook open in front of her. 

“Hey, am I interrupting studying?” You say as you sit down across from her as she puts her book away.

“Hey! No, just reading a bit before my class tomorrow.” You didn’t know she was taking classes. She explains that she’s taking extension classes at NYU until she finds out whether or not she gets accepted to start as a full-time student in the summer.

“I’m proud of you. I know boring college wasn’t for you, but this sounds like something you’ll really enjoy.” You smile at her. She looks down seemingly avoiding eye contact. 

“Thanks, B. Tell me about your dance company.” Before you can answer the waiter comes to take your order. Santana orders for you, but you don’t protest. She knows what you like. You tell her about your instructors, the other girls, and your audition. You only just then remember that you should hear tomorrow whether or not you’ll be dancing in the Broadway revival of Cabaret. 

“Britt, that’s amazing. I always said you were the most incredible dancer in Lima. Hell, in the world.” You blush. 

Your food comes and sure enough it is delicious and the breadsticks are only second to those at Breadstix in Lima. You make light conversation about NYU, dance, and her job at the Spotlight Diner while you eat. When you’re finished you check your phone. 

*Hey Brittany, it’s Jake from last night. Katelyn gave me your number. I hope that’s ok. I’d love to take you out to dinner tonight if you’re up for it.* You glance up at Santana and find her smiling down at her own phone. You can make out Dani’s name at the top of the screen.

*Hi Jake! I’d love to. Just let me know where and when and I’ll be there.* 

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot! We’re having another party next week when the wonder twins get back from their mini-honeymoon and you’re invited, of course. Hopefully we can celebrate your part in Cabaret too!” She smiles. 

“That sounds fun! I’ll be there.” _As long as Dani’s not there,_ you think. You smile falters. “I should probably get going.”

She stands and looks at you awkwardly. You can tell that she doesn’t know whether or not she should hug you, so you step forward and lightly wrap your arms around her. She pulls you tighter and gives you a little squeeze. You feel your heart pound against her body pressed tight against you. 

You wave goodbye at the door and walk in the opposite direction from her to the subway. You don’t have rehearsal this afternoon so you head back to your apartment to take a nap before your date tonight. You can’t help but wish it was going to be with Santana instead of Jake. 

 

You wake just in time to fix your makeup and pull a dress over you head before your date. You hurry out the door and down the street to the subway leaving Astoria headed toward Manhattan. You meet Jake at a very authentic looking Chinese restaurant with skinned ducks hanging in the windows. 

He stands up as you approach the table. He’s very cute with clothes on too. You order fried rice and sweet and sour chicken and smile at him from across the table. 

Over dinner you chat about New York and where you came from. He originally came from South Carolina and like Sam, he has a cute Southern accent. He tells you about his best friend that moved to New York with him so naturally you start to talk about Santana. 

“I wish someone talked about me the way you talk about her. Y’all must be really close.” You blush. You didn’t really think about how you were talking about her. 

“I…um…she and I used to date too.” You say quietly. You know it’s not really the first thing you’re supposed to say on a first date. 

“Well what happened? It sounds like you still like her.” Jake says. You look up at him. He doesn’t look upset. He actually looks genuinely interested. 

“You’re not weirded out by that? I mean we’re kind of on a date…and I’m talking about my ex that I’m still in love with.” 

“You can’t control how you feel. It’s okay. And Brittany, it’s only our first date. We’re not exactly serious or exclusive.” He chuckles at you and you smile back. “Tell me about her.” 

You tell him all about Santana: how smart and beautiful she is, how great she dances, and how she always knows just how to make you feel better. You tell him about how you broke up and about Dani and Sam too. 

“Well you know what they say, if it’s meant to be then it’ll work out. You’re a beautiful girl, darlin’, and a wonderful person. You just have to win her back.” He takes your hand. “And don’t worry for a second about me. I like you a lot though and I think we could be good friends, as long as you promise to set me up with your cute friends.”

You laugh as he winks at you. He reminds you so much of Sam, but you don’t want to be with him just to fill a void like you did during your second senior year. 

“Of course, I want to be friends, Jake! And I have the cutest friends.” You continue to make light conversation before leaving. Back out on the sidewalk, he takes your arm and links it with his as he walks you to the subway. 

“I’ll leave you here. I have to walk down to the next station to get back to Brooklyn.”

“Oh before you go, would you like to come to a party with me Saturday? It’s at Santana’s and I really don’t want to show up alone. It’s okay if you don’t want to though.”

“I’d love to Brittany. Text me later this week and give me the details.” He kisses your hand before pulling you into a hug. You giggle. You’re glad you met Jake. Maybe sleeping with him wasn’t quite a good idea, but you’re glad you have a new friend. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want it to be understood that the sex in this chapter is completely consensual. Jake did not rape Brittany. Brittany went for it hoping that it would make her feel better but it did not.


	7. Girl on Fire

Dani is on your ass all week about where you ran off to in the middle of the wedding reception. You tell her you were sick and Rachel backs you up, hoping she didn’t notice Brittany’s absence and put two and two together, not that you did anything wrong after all. But the guilty tears on your face would have told a different story. 

Instead of talking to Dani, you throw yourself into planning a little get together to celebrate Blaine and Kurt coming home and moving into their new home. They found a tiny one-bedroom apartment in Bushwick so Kurt could still be close to Rachel, because God only knows what one would do without the other. You’re happy though. This means you have a slightly more real bedroom in the studio apartment. You’ve already bought a bed with the money your parents gave you for Christmas so you can move off of that damn futon. 

Burt and Carole stayed a few days after the wedding to move Kurt and Blaine’s things to their new place with the help of Elliot and Dani, and with Rachel supervising of course. You stayed as far away from it all as possible. You spent extra time in the dance studio at NYADA and even studied at the library to avoid being around Dani. 

You feel guilty about asking Brittany to lunch the day after the wedding. Dani had wanted to hang out but you blew her off to “study” aka have lunch with Brittany. But you did actually crack open your textbook, so it wasn’t a complete lie. 

You’re really nervous about having both Dani and Brittany in your apartment Saturday. And Dani doesn’t exactly seem thrilled either. 

“So Brittany is coming Saturday? Like Brittany as in pretty blonde that you sang with at the wedding? As in your ex, Brittany?” She asks you with the slightest accusatory tone. 

“Yes, same Brittany. Rachel told me she was living in New York now, so I thought we could be welcoming. She doesn’t know many people here.” You lie to her, again.

“Hmm. Okay. Whatever you think is best babe.” She smiles and kisses you on the cheek. You scowl inwardly. It would be a lot easier if she was a bitch about things but she’s super fucking nice about it. You really don’t want to hurt anyone, but it seems like that’s what it’s going to come down to.

 

Finally it’s Saturday. Kurt and Blaine just walked in and Rachel already has a bottle of wine open. Dani has been hanging around all day and Elliot arrived just a few minutes before Kurt and Blaine. 

Originally you wanted to make it a surprise welcome-home party. But knowing Kurt, you and Rachel thought better of it. They were surprised anyway because it had been your idea. They both hugged you as they walked through the door. 

“Thanks so much for this Santana. It’s really sweet of you.” Blaine looks around the room at the welcome-home banner and balloons. You just shrug and grin. You didn’t actually do it for them. You just wanted a reason to have Brittany over again. And you have news to share with your friends.

Dani interrupts your thoughts by grabbing your hand. “You are the sweetest girl in the world, you know.” 

You already felt guilty, but now you feel ten times worse. You know you were good to Dani up until a few months ago. It was around Christmas time that it all went downhill. It was probably because you went back to your parents’ house and was reminded of all the memories you and Brittany have in Lima. Then thinking about the wedding and sheer anticipation of seeing Brittany had your stomach in knots for another three months. You know you’re not being fair to Dani. 

Rachel turns on some music starts singing along as usual. You perch on the arm of the couch just waiting for a knock at the door. Elliot and Dani scroll through Rachel’s karaoke playlist on her iPod trying to decide what to sing next. Finally, it happens. There’s a knock.

You jump up to get it before anyone else can. You want to be the first to see Brittany. You open to the door and find yourself a little taken aback. She’s not alone.

“Hey Santana, this is Jake and Katelyn, my roommate. I hope it’s okay that I brought them.” She smiles at you hopefully. 

“Of course, come in!” You say after a second. Your eyes follow Brittany as she walks in the living room. Dani is also eyeing the blonde, looking slightly jealous. 

“Brittany! So…?” Rachel yells as she’s done with her song. She stares wide-eyed at Brittany expectantly. You completely forgot about Brittany’s audition. 

“I got it! I got the part in Cabaret!” She squeals. Rachel hugs her and jumps up and down. Everyone offers her congratulations. 

After a beat, you get an idea. You don’t want to steal the spotlight from Brittany with your own news so you make your way over to Dani and Elliot and ask if you can sing the next song. They both shrug since they haven’t chosen one yet and hand over the iPod. 

“Britt, this is my favorite song and I’m dedicating it to you as congratulations. I knew you’d get the part!” You hit play and immediately start singing the words to Alicia Key’s Girl on Fire. You get a few cheers as you hit the high notes. 

_Looks like a girl, but she's a flame_   
_So bright, she can burn your eyes_   
_Better look the other way_   
_You can try but you'll never forget her name_   
_She's on top of the world_   
_Hottest of the hottest girls say ohhhh_

You bow gracefully as you finish and avoid Dani’s eyes. “I also have a little bit of news myself. Drum role please,” you pause, “I am officially an NYU Bobcat!”

You bow again as everyone cheers congratulations and you move to take your seat next to Dani. She doesn’t look at you and jumps up instead to sing with Elliot. You glance at Brittany to find her visibly uncomfortable. You frown. You hoped it wouldn’t be like this even though you knew it would be. She’s a good sport though and cheers for Dani and Elliot when they finish. She’s actively avoiding your gaze and chatting with her new _boyfriend_. The thought alone sends a jolt of jealousy through your stomach. 

You stand to pour yourself another drink, mostly because Brittany just walked into the kitchen too. She keeps her eyes down as she sees you approaching. 

“I love that song you know.” She tells you, eyes still on the cup she’s filling.

“That’s why I sang it for you.” You will her to look up, but she doesn’t and instead walks back to the living room to chat with Rachel and Katelyn who have become fast friends. 

“That was a great song. I wish you’d sing for me more often.” Dani yanks your attention her way as she walks over to the kitchen island. 

You smile up at her. “Any particular song?” She gives you a half smile back. You can feel her silently willing you to stop paying attention to Brittany. And even though she says nothing, she’s absolutely right. You’re Dani’s girlfriend, not Brittany’s.

You grab her hand and pull her back to the couch next to Kurt. You look up just in time to see Brittany whip her eyes away from your tangled fingers. You watch her look down at her phone and mouth a four-letter word before shutting the door to the bathroom. 

You get up and walk slowly around the room chatting here and there staying far away from “Jake” until you’re right outside the bathroom door. You hope to catch her on the way out and figure out why she won’t look at you. 

Then you hear the most heart-wrenching sound you’ve ever heard. Brittany opens the door with her hand over her mouth and gives another loud sob. All eyes are on her and the music stops. 

“Brittany…?” You reach forward and put both of your hands on her arms.

“My dad…died…” She chokes out. She crumples into you and Rachel rushes over to help you support her. Tears seep out of your eyes. Mr. Pierce was like a father to you too. You spent so many days and so many nights at the Pierce residence that her parents became your second family. After a moment her sobs quiet. 

“I need to leave. I need to get to Lima.” She says in a panicky voice as if she could go back in time and prevent it from happening. 

“I’ll go with you.” You tell her before you even have time to process what you’ve said. She nods slowly. “Let me grab some stuff.”

You run to your room and pack all five of your black dresses, a black cardigan, and your sweats and everything else you’ll need in under three minutes. You race back to the living room to find Dani giving you a look that says: “I get it but I don’t like it.” You can’t even muster up the strength to care because all of your focus is on Brittany who is still curled in Rachel’s arms. 

“Blaine, I’m going to send you pictures of our IDs and my credit card number so you can book our flights.” He, being the most sober person in the room, simply nods. No one seems to know what to say. You look at Katelyn and Jake and tell them that you’re ready to go. 

Katelyn wasn’t drinking because she drove Brittany and Jake. No one says anything on the ride back to Brittany and Katelyn’s apartment. Brittany just lays her head in your lap in the backseat and cries silently. 

Once you’re back in Brittany’s apartment, you pause at the front door to look around. The only furniture in the room is a TV mounted on one wall and four bars stools at the kitchen bar. The floor is wide open and empty. You suppose that works out for four dancers living together. 

You follow Katelyn back to Brittany’s room and start packing with her. 

“I don’t have anything black…” Brittany whispers and it breaks your heart all over again. You tell her that you packed everything black that you own and she’s more than welcome to borrow a dress. 

 

Blaine comes through and you download your boarding passes on your phones and easily get through security since it’s so late. You have a red-eye to Columbus so you sit Brittany down at the gate walk a few feet away to call your mom.

You struggle to hold back tears as you explain to her what happened asking her to pick you up from the airport. 

“Of course mija, is there anything else you need? Oh me duele mi corazón. Take care of Brittany baby. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

You can see a Starbucks from where you’re standing so you run back to Brittany to tell her where you’ll be. You’re going to need fuel so you can stay awake and take care of her, also it wouldn’t hurt to sober up. She gives you a nod. She’s stopped crying and now just staring blankly in front of her. 

Situated on the plane she lays her head on your shoulder and you sip your coffee. You play a few games of solitaire and before you know it you’re back in Ohio. 

 

The next couple of days are a blur. Brittany’s mom is barely holding it together and trying to plan a funeral. So you call your own mother for backup and you do everything you can to help Brittany and her sister. 

Your mom and Mrs. Pierce pick out flowers and make arrangements with the funeral home and the pastor at the church the Pierces regularly attend. You were raised Catholic yourself, not that you go much since your Abuela disowned you, but you’ve been to church with Brittany a few times so you know your way around the place. 

You’re sitting in the front row of the empty church next to Brittany while your mothers speak with the pastor when she asks you. “Will you sing? My mom wants someone to sing during the service but I know I can’t do it. I’ll cry. You don’t have to…”

You feel nervous already, but tell her that of course you’ll sing. She smiles a little when she pulls out the sheet music from her bag. You look at the title and artist and understand why she’s smiling. You hate country, for this reason. They’re such sad songs. You broke up with Brittany with a country song and you sang another one at Finn’s memorial. 

“Faith Hill?” You say with a smile.

“She was Daddy’s favorite. This is one of Mom’s favorite songs too.” She puts her head back on your shoulder. “Thank you, San. For everything.”

You leave the church and head back to the Pierce household where people are delivering tons of food. You all make plates of various casseroles and everyone heads their separate ways afterwards to rest before the big day tomorrow. 

“I’ll come back in a little while, I promise.” You say as she squeezes your hand. 

Instead of heading back to your house you take a shortcut to McKinley. You walk in the front doors like you own the place, and let’s be real, you basically do. You’ve won that school more National championship trophies than you can remember if you count Glee club and the Cheerios. 

You walk down the mostly empty hallways until you get to the door of the choir room. 

“Santana, what are you doing here?” Mr. Schue asks and hugs you as you interrupt his lesson.

“Well…Brittany’s father just passed away. His funeral is tomorrow.” You stare at the floor feeling self-conscious of the New Direction babies, most of whom you’ve never met. You only recognize baby Quinn, baby Rachel, baby Puckerman, a kid who wishes he was baby Finn, and Unique’s fabulous ass. And that one black Cheerio who tried to be just like you and inevitably ended up in the Glee club too, so you guess she is a little like you, but not nearly as hot. 

“Oh Santana, that’s terrible. What time is it? I’ll be there.” You give Will the time and then ask about what you really came for. 

“Brittany’s also asked me to sing during the funeral and I was wondering, if you don’t mind, if I could practice with an audience.” He holds his arm out towards the middle of the room and sits in an empty chair facing you. You give Brad the sheet music and thank God he’s so good at what he does. 

You softly sing the first few lines before belting out the chorus. The words hit home and remind you of the love you and Brittany have. You can see why Britt’s mom loves this song so much. It’s a touch sadness, a touch loneliness, and a lot of a love. 

You finish and the Glee club applauds loudly. You wipe away a tear.

“I hate that every time I sing in this room these days it’s because someone has died.” Will stands and tentatively moves to hug you. This time you let him and you don’t run out of the room screaming. You like to think you’ve grown a little in the past year and letting some of your emotions show isn’t the worst thing that could happen. 

“That was beautiful Santana. I know Brittany is so lucky to have you there with her.” You sniffle and nod before waving goodbye to the high schoolers and walking to another familiar room. 

You knock and here a curt “come in.” You step inside the office to find Sue Sylvester taking her reading glasses off to look at you. 

“S, you look great.” She smiles at you. She’s much nicer to alumni than her current Cheerios, and never mind that you were one of her favorites. “A little sad though. What’s going on?”

“Britt’s dad. He passed away a couple of days ago. I came to tell you about the funeral. I know Brittany would like it if you came.”

“Oh dear. That’s terrible. I met Mr. Pierce a few times. He was a good man. I’ll have to move my meeting with the governor, but I’ll be there.” 

She asks how you’re doing and you tell her about NYU and thank her again for her letter of recommendation. She tells you that she’s proud of you, which makes you swell with pride. You thought that only Quinn got Sue’s blessing. She was the favorite after all. Then you find yourself talking about Brittany and bragging on her latest accomplishments. 

“B is so lucky to you have again. I know things were rough for a little while after MIT didn’t work out. She came to see me a few times. She talked about you a lot. I’m glad you found your way back to each other. Any Sapphic wedding bells in the future? You know I love a good gay wedding.” She chuckles to herself. 

“Um…actually we’re not together. I’m dating someone else. I have been for a while, almost a year. Britt kind of just came back into my life.” You look down. 

“Well you had me fooled. Do you love this girl?” You hesitate, but nod slowly. “But…?”

“But I’m in love with Brittany.” You say it out loud for the first time since high school and it scares you. 

“Then do something about it.”


	8. There You'll Be

You’ve cried, but it still hasn’t completely hit you yet. You keep expecting to walk down the stairs and see him sitting in his favorite chair in front of the TV. You expect him to call you angel like he always did. 

But he’s gone and you don’t know how to deal with that. 

It’s the morning of the funeral and Santana is showing you three different dresses she brought for you to try on. It’s still chilly in Lima so you hunt down a black cardigan and knee high socks to wear with the black dress that hits you a little above your knees. 

Santana helps you clasp the necklace your father bought for you as congratulations for getting the part in Cabaret. You found out just five days before he passed and he went out and bought you the beautiful silver locket. He put a picture of much smaller you in a tutu and him standing next to you also in a tutu. It’s your favorite picture of him. He was the best dad. 

You look at Santana as she moves back around to face you. She looks beautiful in her black dress and minimal makeup. Like her, you avoided putting anything on your puffy eyes because you know you’ll just smear it. You sniffle. 

She grabs your hand and you take a deep breath and walk out to the car. Santana’s mom is sitting in the driver’s seat with your own mother in the passenger seat. The Lopez’ might be the most caring people you know. You’re glad your mom has Maribel to lean on. She needs a friend. 

After a very short drive you’re at the church. You take a deep shaky breath and watch as Santana firmly grips your hand. “You can do this Britt. I’m right here.”

She’s been right here the whole time. She hasn’t left your side at all. You wouldn’t believe that she’s actually slept any if you hadn’t caught her cuddling with Lord Tubbington in your old beanbag chair. You know she won’t sleep on the bed with you because of Dani, but she also refuses to leave you alone, which you’re grateful for. 

You cling to her as you all walk toward the church. Everyone else is already in their seats when you all start walking down the aisle. It’s strange that funerals operate very similarly to weddings. You and your loved ones walk down the aisle to the front of the room while everyone else watches you. Only this time there are only tears of sadness. 

The service is lovely and a few of your dad’s friends stand so say nice things or tell funny stories about him. When it’s time you, your mom, and your little sister all stand and walk to the podium. They both give short speeches about your dad, remembering how great he was and telling everyone how much they love him. Then it’s your turn. 

You’re trembling so you lock eyes with Santana. You try to forget everyone else in the room. 

“My dad was the first person to ever make me feel special. He took me to my very first dance class. He even put on a tutu because I thought they were silly and that everyone would laugh at me. He brought more laughter and love into my life than I could ever put into words. He always told me that no matter what I do, I’d always be his special angel.” You pause and swallow hard. The tears are coming but you try to keep your voice from cracking too much. 

“When I failed my senior year of high school, he told me it was okay and that I’d do better next time. And when I flunked out of MIT, he told me that was okay too and that it just wasn’t my plan. When everyone else in the world tried to put me down and make me feel stupid, he pulled me back up and told me that I was smart and I was talented and I’d find my place. This past January I got offered a spot in a big dance company in New York. He told me, ‘Now Britt, you’ve found your place and you’re going to go so far.’ Just last week when I found out I got a spot dancing in the Broadway musical Cabaret, he was the first person I called and he must have went out and told everyone he knew because I got at least 50 phone calls that day. He bought me this necklace.” You pause and run your fingers over it. 

“He bought it for me last week to celebrate my part. He has always been and will always be my biggest fan. I am forever grateful to have had such an amazing father and to know how it feels to truly be loved and accepted for exactly who you are. I love you Daddy…and I miss you so much already.” You choke out a sob and hug your mom and sister before walking back down the front pew. 

The pastor says a few more words, thanking the three of you before introducing Santana. Ever so gracefully, she climbs the three steps up to the microphone near the piano. 

“Some of you may not know me, but Mr. Pierce was like a father to me too. I spent pretty much every day with Brittany from the time I was five until I graduated high school. Mr. Pierce taught me a thing or two about love and living life too. When I was rejected by people in my own family, I knew that I could count on him to accept me for exactly who I am. And that’s exactly what he did. He preached about love and lived exactly what he preached. He was an amazing man and an amazing father. So anyway, I’ve been asked to sing this song in memory of him. Mr. and Mrs. Pierce are big country music fans and this was one of their favorites, so I hope I do it justice.”

She gives a shaky smile to your mom before looking at you. The pianist begins Faith Hill’s There You’ll Be and she melts your heart all over again. 

_In my dreams_   
_I'll always see you soar_   
_Above the sky_   
_In my heart_   
_There will always be a place_   
_For you for all my life_   
_I'll keep a part_   
_Of you with me_   
_And everywhere I am_   
_There you'll be_

She belts out the last few lines, her voice cracking as tears rolled down her face. You can’t control your sobs and you bury yourself in her arms as she sits back down. 

 

That night after you’re sure Santana’s asleep in her beanbag chair you creep downstairs and outside. You head around to your backyard to the detached garage your dad turned into a dance studio for you a long time ago. 

You plug your iPhone into the dock and start dancing to the first thing that comes on. Dancing gives you the release you’ve needed for days. You move and don’t stop for several songs. You pour every all the pain you’re feeling into the movements. You pause only to turn the overhead light off and plug in a strand of Christmas lights that line the mirror. You select Beyoncé’s song XO from her newest album and close your eyes. You let the music take you away from this place, away from death and sadness. 

_Your love is bright as ever_   
_Even in the shadows_   
_Baby kiss me_   
_Before they turn the lights out_   
_Your heart is glowing_   
_And I’m crashing into you_   
_Baby kiss me_   
_Before they turn the lights out_

The song reminds you of Santana even though you’ve never listened to it with her before. It reminds you of all the love you have for her, all of the things left unsaid. Tears run down your face as you move. You’re so scared you won’t ever have her again. 

As Demi Lovato’s Nightingale starts to play, your fears are squashed by fingers intertwining with yours. You feel Santana slowly move with you. She spins you around so that you’re facing her. You don’t know how long she had been watching you. Long enough judging by the tears on her cheeks. She holds you close and sways with you. 

“Sing.” You whisper in her ear. She pulls away and starts to belt the lyrics.

_I don't know what I'd do without you_   
_Your words are like a whisper come through_   
_As long as you are with me here tonight_   
_I'm good_

You pull her closer and rest your forehead against hers. You sway together to a softer song.

You don’t know how long you’ve been leaning against her. You seem to lose all track of time in this room, especially with her in it. 

“Do you still have those old blankets in the closet?” You smile into her hair because you know what she’s thinking. 

“I sure do. Fort?” You giggle softly in reply. She nods and squeezes you before pulling away to find enough pillows and blankets to build a fort like you did when you were kids. You turn the music down and hear the patter of the rain that must have started some time during your dance. You move the portable ballet bar toward the back of the room so that it’s a blanket distance away from the stationary bar. Santana starts to drape the blankets across the top as you spread out a few blankets underneath. She throws some pillows in and you both crawl in. 

“Remember the first time we did this and your mom freaked out because she couldn’t find us that morning?” She laughs. 

“Yes, I remember her calling my dad at work almost making him come home before he asked her if she checked in here.” You like remembering good memories of your dad. It makes me him seem a little closer. 

Santana keeps a safe distance between the two of you. You don’t try your luck out of respect for Dani. You’ve always been exceptionally affectionate with Santana, hugging her more than most people, and almost always linking pinkies. You remember when Santana first came out and most people had always assumed anyway and she was shocked. Now that you think back on it, the two of you were always so close it would be hard for people not to assume. 

“Britt I’m so sorry you lost your dad. I know he meant so much to you.” She says in all seriousness. You get a little choked up so you just nod. 

“He loved you too you know.” You tell her. She sniffles and links her pinky with yours.

 

A few more tears streak down your cheeks as you hug your mom goodbye. You wish you could stay longer for her and your sister, but you know you need to get back to your job. 

Fortunately, the directors of Cabaret were pretty understanding when you called them the morning after arriving in Lima. You were fully prepared to step down considering you’d only had a week of rehearsals and you were already taking days off, but they said it wasn’t a problem. They praised you for your abilities and said they wouldn’t give you up. 

You climb in the backseat of Maribel’s SUV and she drives you and Santana to the Lima airport. You managed to get a flight from Lima to New York with a short layover to save Santana’s mom the trip to Columbus. 

You thank her profusely for everything as you climb out of the car and leave the Lopez women to talk for a few minutes. You walk through the automatic doors of the airport and look back to see Santana nod then hug her mom. She climbs out of the car and follows you inside. 

You make good time getting through security and find your gate. You glance at Santana to see her staring hard down at her phone clearly in a heated discussion with Dani via text. You notice the bags under her eyes. You know it’s your fault that she’s barely slept in three days and that she’s barely spoken to Dani who clearly seems to be feeling a little left out judging by the seriousness of the text conversation. 

“I’m going to get coffee.” You say as you start to walk to the Starbucks. You return to Santana carrying a light vanilla latte for her and salted caramel mocha for yourself. She smiles gratefully at you before returning to her phone. 

The past few days have been emotionally exhausting for you and you’re looking forward to getting back to work and the normalcy of being in New York. You never thought you’d think of your life in New York as normal but you’re glad you have a new place to call home. 

You sip your coffee and think about your dad. It still doesn’t seem real that he’s so far away now. You feel a lump in your throat when you think about never seeing him again. You pick at the locket hanging from your neck. 

The funeral was hard, but you were glad Santana was by your side. You’re still not sure how Mr. Schuester and Coach Sylvester even knew the funeral was happening or when it was, but you have an idea judging by the small knowing smile Santana and Mr. Schue exchanged afterwards. 

You try to not let your heart break all over again when you think about Santana heading back to New York to be with Dani. She’s been so good to you the past few days, but you’re afraid that it’s coming to an end now. 

Despite the coffee, Santana drifts off when you get on the plane and you let her rest her head on your shoulder. You owe her that much. You’re nervous about going back to your apartment alone and not having her there. You’re not sure that you’ll be able to sleep without her near. You start to doze a little and before you know it you’re boarding the next plane headed to La Guardia. 

Santana is a little perkier on the second flight so you spend the time giggling over old stories from your high school days. You miss high school sometimes. Everything was simpler and you had Santana. You gaze at her for a second too long and she notices. She blushes slightly and looks down at her fidgety fingers. You lay your head against the window and dream of being with her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aware of the irony of choosing to put two Demi Lovato songs in this fic. The first one was just for fun, but this one actually pertains to the story I think. Also I do love Demi even if I'm not the biggest Dani fan.


	9. What Doesn't Kill You

You thank Katelyn as she drops you off at your apartment before taking Brittany home. You climb the stairs to the loft slowly. All you want to do is sleep. 

You open the door to find Dani and Rachel sitting on the couch. Rachel sweeps by you mumbling something about being glad you’re back safely and shuts the door behind her. 

“We need to talk.” Dani gives you a sad look.

“I know…” You say quietly and stare at your shoes. She pats the couch beside her. You leave your bag at the door and slowly sit down beside her. You can feel her looking at you but you don’t meet her eye. 

“Santana, I love you and I’ve had a lot of fun with you, but it’s pretty obvious you’re in love with someone else…Rachel has told me about your relationship with Brittany since you never really would.” She pauses. She doesn’t sound as bitter as she should. You glance up to find her simply looking sad. 

“Dani, I’m…” She cuts you off with the wave of a hand. She’s clearly been working on her speech. You listen to her recount your relationship with Brittany since before you came out up until you moved to New York. She gently reminds you that you and Brittany only broke up because long distance wasn’t working. Now that distance isn’t a factor there’s nothing stopping the relationship from moving forward again. You try hard to hold back tears, but after the emotional few days you’ve had, this pushes you over the edge. You break down.

“Dani…I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I thought…I thought it was over between me and Brittany…I just never meant to hurt you. You’ve been so good to me.” She shushes you and pulls you in for a hug. You can tell she’s fighting back tears too. 

“Santana, you’ve been a wonderful girlfriend, but this isn’t going anywhere. Not compared to where you and Brittany are going. You and I are officially broken up. We both know that it’s for the best and I hope that we can continue to be friends, and I’d really like to still be friends with Rachel, Kurt and Blaine because they’re really awesome too.” She sniffles and pulls away from you but holds on to your hands. 

“You’re clearly meant to be with her. I’ve only seen you together twice and I know it. I’m going to need some time, but you’d be surprised how resilient I am.” She’s smiling and you give her a watery smile back and sigh.

“I really do love you Dani. Please know that. I’ve had so much fun with you and you’ve been so good to me this past year with all the shit I’ve had going on. I’m really sorry.” You can’t help but continue to apologize. She gives you a sad smile back and kisses your forehead. 

“Give me some time Santana and then we’ll be friends.” She says as she stands to grab her bag and walk out the door. 

You sit on the couch until Rachel comes back. You’re certain that she wasn’t far away, but knew you needed privacy for your break up. 

“Well…what happened?” She sits and holds your hand. “Are you okay?”

You pull her in for a hug. “Thank you.” You whisper into her hair as she hugs you back.

 

You lay in your bed staring at the ceiling even though you’re exhausted. You know you could leave right now and run to Brittany and she would let you in no questions asked. You could pull her down and kiss her like you’ve never kissed her before. She wouldn’t stop you. But you instead you stay in your bed. 

You’re scared. You’re scared to be hurt again. Things with Brittany had always been so easy in the sense that she knows you, your thoughts, the ends of all your sentences. But at the same time, your relationship has been laced with pain and jealousy. First there was Puck, then Artie, then Karofsky, then Sam, then Quinn, then Dani. You had never known how affected Brittany had been by your hookup with Quinn until you heard it from Quinn herself after being approached by Puck who heard from Sugar. She saw the hookup as a stab at her new relationship with Sam, which it was, but also a betrayal since you and Quinn were her best friends. 

But Brittany wasn’t the type of person to let the pain show. She held herself together in hopes of making everyone else happy. But you remember the times when she showed it. Her glares in the hallway while you walked around holding Karofsky’s hand. It’s funny now since he’s almost as gay as Kurt, but even when you and Britt were at your highest point after winning Nationals last year, you could still see the pain flash across her face when someone mentioned his name. 

Never mind what happened with Artie right before that. And then Sam afterwards. On more than one occasion she’s blatantly chosen a boy over you and the thought of that happening again stings. You’ve made an idiot of yourself so many times for her and you really don’t want to do it again. You hated yourself for challenging Sam but you remember what you told him. You’d never let go, and that was a promise you’ve kept. 

You’ve built this life in New York that’s pretty sweet, but even though you kept that promise to Sam, you’re afraid of it all crumbling down if you let Brittany back in. You know she’s already in, but to throw yourself completely in to a relationship with her is terrifying. 

You fall asleep tossing and turning with nightmares about giant lips on wheels eating Brittany alive until Rachel shakes your shoulders waking you up. 

You see the sun streaming in the window and immediately feel it: you’re sick as a dog. 

“Santana, it’s almost noon. Don’t you have a shift at one? Or class or something?” She looks concerned. You hold your wrist to your forehead to find it on fire. She follows your lead and confirms that you have a fever before bounding towards the bathroom to find medicine. 

“Here take this. I’ll call in at work for you. Ben owes me and you too for that matter. You picked up so many shifts before you went back to Lima.” She shoves cold and flu medicine at you with a glass of water. And walks back out only to walk back in a few minutes later to tell you that she had taken care of everything but she had to get to class. 

“Go to class, Rachel. I’ll be fine.” She gives you another worried look before you throw a pillow at her. 

“Always grateful, aren’t you?” She grins and waves goodbye. 

You spend the next few hours dozing off until you’re awoken by a text. 

*Hey, do you have dinner plans?* It’s from Brittany. 

*No…I’m sick. Woke up at noon with a fever.* You tell her grudgingly. You want to have dinner plans…with her. She probably hasn’t heard about your breakup though unless Dani has already changed your relationship status on Facebook. But then again even if she had already heard about it, she wouldn’t say anything. 

*I can bring soup. If you want. Loaded potato or broccoli and cheese?* You grin at your phone. Throughout high school and especially when you were struggling with coming out, Brittany spent a lot of time taking care of you and that meant a lot of comfort foods. And comfort food meant soups in the cold Lima winters. She always made your favorites, loaded potato and broccoli and cheese. 

*That would be great B. I can’t decide. You pick* She promises to be there in a few hours after her rehearsal with soup in tow. 

 

You decide that, even though Brittany has seen you at your absolute worst, you should shower before she gets here. You’ve just pulled on your second layer of sweats when you hear Rachel coming in the door talking to someone. 

You slip on a pair of slipper boots and stumble into the living room. 

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Brittany is at your side within seconds of seeing you. Rachel smirks at you and you scowl back. 

“I’m okay. Just cold. What soup did you pick?”

“Loaded potato because it’s pretty easy to make vegan. We can add cheese to ours after Rachel gets some.” You feel your heart warm at her kindness and consideration. She doesn’t bat an eye at going out of her way for other people and is always willing to put them before herself. Sometimes you think she’s too good for you. 

You must have looked pretty dopey because Rachel finally chimes saying something about you resting while guiding you to the couch and throwing a blanket on you. The cold medicine has made you even fuzzier about your feelings for Brittany. Right now, you’re pretty much blinded by love and you’re pretty sure you look like a lovesick puppy. But then there’s the nagging anxiety tugging at the back of your mind. You wish you weren’t so afraid of it being real with Brittany. You feel like you’re back in high school again. 

Rachel turns on the TV to E! since she knows it’s your favorite channel. You love to keep up with celebrity gossip. She and Brittany head to the kitchen to unpack the groceries Britt brought over for the soup. 

You get caught up in the pop culture news until you feel the hairs on the back of your neck prickle. You swear you just heard one of the two girls whisper Dani’s name and you can feel Brittany’s eyes on you. You strain to hear what they’re saying over the TV while feigning interest in Justin Bieber’s latest scandal. 

You can feel a change in the room’s atmosphere. Everything feels stiff and uncomfortable all of a sudden. You know it’s because you didn’t tell Brittany about your breakup. But you could have been planning to tell her today, you think. You realize you hadn’t made any plans to tell her yet. You guess you didn’t have to though. Rachel let that cat out of the bag. 

The pair stops talking and moves silently around the kitchen. 

Eventually the delicious scent of loaded potato soup makes its way to you even though you can hardly smell anything. Your stomach growls as you remember that you haven’t eaten anything today since you’ve been in bed all day. 

Rachel sits down in a chair with her bowl of soup and toast for you all to share. Brittany carries two steaming bowls over and sets one in front of you on the coffee table.

“Thanks Britt.” You manage to croak and smile at her. She gives you a tight smile before walking back into the kitchen and returning with waters for the two of you. 

You eat your soup in silence except for the noise coming from the TV. The Kardashians have taken over the screen now and you’re fully engaged. You love awful reality TV shows especially when you’re sick with nothing better to do. You take the medicine Rachel sits in front of you and before you know it the brunette has washed dishes and announces that she’s going to shower, which you know means she’ll actually be soaking in the tub for hours. 

As she shuts the door and starts blaring show tunes from the radio in the bathroom, you become aware of how alone you and Brittany are in the apartment. You can feel her eyes on you. 

“Rachel told you about Dani.” You say, knowing that it’s better to just throw it out there instead of skirting around the elephant in the room. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You meet her eyes expecting to see her looking hurt but instead she just looks confused.

“I’m sick?” You shrug and she looks away from you, indicating that she is in fact a little hurt. “It just happened last night after I got home. I was going to tell you…I just needed time to process it.”

She just nods. You sit in silence again until she looks up at you. “San, you know how I feel about you and I know you’re scared…so, no pressure. I just want you to be happy.”

You let that sink in before smiling at her. You do know how she feels about you and you want to be with her, but you’re scared and just not ready yet. But as always, she knows exactly what you’re feeling and doesn’t pressure you. You continue to sit in a comfortable silence until Brittany stands up and finds your secret stash of Harry Potter DVDs behind Rachel’s Broadway show films. She pops the first movie into the DVD player and grins at you. 

Back when you and Brittany were younger, Brittany would always watch Harry Potter even though they scared her because she loved magic. The idea of there being a world with dragons, unicorns, and wizards fascinated her so much. You of course rolled your eyes but watched with her anyway pretending not to be into it. Eventually you caved and admitted that you loved them just as much as she did. As you got older you both watched them when you were scared or upset. The movies got you through high school when you lost regionals, when you were outed, and when you were disowned by your abuela. You could always count on snuggling up to Brittany and watching Harry Potter. Sweet Valley High on the other hand almost always lead to sweet lady kisses. You and Brittany have so many little traditions, sacred to just the two of you. 

Brittany grabs another blanket and throws it over your legs and pulls your head down to lay in her lap as the movie starts. She strokes your hair and you’re asleep within minutes with a smile on your face. 

 

You wake the next morning to find yourself in your own bed wondering how you got there. You don’t remember walking there, so you deduce that Brittany carried you and tucked you in. You feel yourself blush even though no one is there to see it. 

You look at your nightstand where you phone usually is to find a note from Brittany written in crayon. You start to think she must carry a pack in her purse because you certainly don’t have any crayons lying around. Beneath a picture of a unicorn the note says:

 _Good morning, San. I hope you slept well and you’re feeling better. Text me some time this week when you’re completely well because I have an idea. Since I know your breakup with Dani was hard and you’re not really ready to date anyone yet, I thought that maybe we could take it slow. I want to take you out on dates and win you back the right way. Let me know what you think. – B_

You feel a smile spread across your face. Of course Brittany wants to woo you. You and her had never really “dated” in the normal sense. You were best friends that started sleeping together. After you made your relationship official, you went on dates with her, but not the kind where you get to know someone before dating. 

You pick up your phone to send her a quick text letting her know that you love her idea and when you’re better you’re definitely down for a date. Before you put your phone down, it buzzes. 

“Hi Q.” You say as you answer.

“Hey San. Rachel told me you were sick last night. How are you feeling?” Of course Berry told her. They talk every night. You don’t know when the two became best friends but you’re glad they are. They’re both lonely and they need someone. 

“I’m feeling a little better this morning. Luckily Rachel cleared my work schedule this week so I don’t have to go in at all.” 

“Rachel’s always looking out for us, isn’t she?” You can hear her smirking and you laugh. 

“Well I’m calling to tell you that I’m coming to town for spring break, which starts tomorrow and I’m sleeping on your couch or with Rachel or with you.” She’s laughing again. You giggle, because even though it’s uncomfortable for Brittany, you and Quinn find it hilarious that you slept together. 

“Yeah we’ll see about that Fabray.” You’re excited that Quinn’s coming to hang out with you. 

“I also have news. I’m transferring to NYU starting in the summer with you!”

“Oh my God, you’re kidding!” You’re shocked but excited at the idea of Quinn being around all the time.

“I’m not. I’ve decided that I want to do social work and NYU has a better program. I took a class here that made me think about social work and it reminded me of being a teen mom and getting kicked out of my house. I really want to help kids like that. It’s a shitty situation to have to be in and luckily I had great friends on my side who took me in, but some kids don’t.”

“Wow Quinn, that’s intense. Where are you going to be living?” You’re trying to wrap your head around the idea of Quinn Fabray, head bitch in charge, wanting to save the children and strive for world peace. You have to remind yourself that she’s changed a lot since the beginning of high school though. 

“Probably on your couch for a while, so make room!” She laughs again and tells you that she’ll see you tomorrow. 

You hang up and text Rachel asking if she already knew about Quinn’s plans to move in. She responds instantly saying that she just found out last night and was so excited to have her in New York. Of course, Rachel already knew. 

You get out of bed and plug your iPod in and flip on some music. You feel a lot better than yesterday. You dance around your room to Kelly Clarkson’s Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You) and remember being on stage singing it at Regionals with Brittany. 

This year keeps getting better. Your best friend is coming to New York and probably going to live with you, you got into NYU so you’ll be going to school with Quinn too, and now Brittany wants to woo you. You smile but then remember that you just got dumped so you probably shouldn’t be as happy as you are. Oh well.


	10. Do What You Want

Halfway through Harry Potter, you can tell that Santana is sound asleep in your lap. Rachel comes out of the bathroom and whispers a cooing noise at you. You narrow your eyes before smiling at her. 

“Help me move her.” You whisper and Rachel walks back to Santana’s room to turn back her bed. You slowly slide out from under Santana’s head to stand up. You pull the blankets off of her and bend down to pick her up. Having not put on any weight since high school, Santana is still thin and light and you easily pick her up. She mumbles a little in her sleep, which makes you stifle a giggle. 

You set her down and pull the covers over her and walk out of her room when an idea hits you. You think back on your relationship with Santana and realize that it was always her chasing you. Even though she puts up a tough girl front, you know she secretly loves romance. You realize that you’re the one who has to win her back. You pull your pack of emergency crayons from your purse and ask Rachel for paper. 

She asks what you’re writing and you explain that you want take it slow with Santana this time and woo her because she deserves it. You tell her that you want to take Santana on dates where you pay and pretend like you’re getting to know her for the first time. Rachel gives you a grin of approval as you finish coloring a unicorn on the notes. You leave it on Santana’s nightstand and make your way to the door as Rachel’s phone lights up. You see Quinn’s face on the screen.

“Goodnight Rach! Tell Quinn I say hey!” You hug her as she answers her phone. 

 

You scarf down a bagel and take a coffee to go as you rush out of the door heading for rehearsal the next morning. 

Luckily, yesterday, being your first day back since leaving for Lima, went well considering all the time that you missed. Everyone was very supportive and you’re a fast learner so you picked up the new choreography pretty quickly. Now you just have to perfect it. You practiced for a while last night after leaving Santana’s. 

After rehearsing for about an hour and a half, you’re finally awarded a water break so you check your phone. You find a text from Santana. 

*Got your note. I’d love to be wooed ☺* You smile because you feel like you might have a shot with her again. It did hurt your feelings a little that she didn’t tell you that Dani had broken up with her, but you figure she may have been planning to when you came over if Rachel hadn’t told you first. 

Before you put your phone down you get another text. It’s also from Santana. 

*Maybe we could have our date day after tomorrow. Quinn is coming tomorrow to stay for the week and I think Rachel is having a get together. You’re invited obviously. Bring Katelyn*

*Perfect! I’m bringing Jake too. I think Quinn might like him.* You know Santana didn’t particularly like Jake because she’s skeptical around any guy that may or may not like you, but Jake reminds you so much of Sam whom Quinn had really liked for a while. Santana approves of your suggestion and you’re called back to the stage. 

One of the six other girls who play the Kit Kat Klub girls asks what you’re going tonight. 

“Probably just practicing. I still need to practice what I missed.” 

She rolls her eyes at you playfully. “Puh-lease, you’re the best one of us out here. I’m sure they were begging you not to drop out when you had to leave.”

You blush. “Definitely not, but they were super supportive thankfully.”

“Well if you’d like some company practicing…I need to work on the choreography for Mein Herr.”

“Come over if you’re not doing anything else!” You promise to give her, whose name is Haley, your address after rehearsal. 

 

Haley knocks on your door not long after you get home and have a chance to warn your roommates that you’d be practicing in the living room. 

“Oh my gosh, this is awesome! There’s so much space!” She ogles at your empty living room. 

“We’re all dancers so we figured no furniture would be better than a couch.”

“It’s so cool! I always end up moving furniture around trying to make space but it never works!” She moves to put her bag down on a bar stool at the kitchen island then puts her short blonde hair in a tiny pony tail and stretches. You grab a couple of folding chairs from the closet since you have to dance from a chair in one of the numbers.

“Do you want to start with Mein Herr or another one?” You ask her as you watch a sliver of her stomach peek from under her shirt as raises her arms. You look away quickly. She’s incredibly pretty but you have a shot with Santana again so it doesn’t matter; at least that’s what you keep telling yourself, but the way she keeps looking at you makes your stomach flip flop. 

“Yes, let’s go ahead to tackle that one then we can work on whatever you want.” She smiles at you and looks at you for a second too long before you press play on your iPod. 

You both move slowly around one another to your chairs, never touching because the dance doesn’t require that you touch, but Haley’s eyes remain locked on yours in the mirror.

You’re glad she wanted to work on this number though. The choreography isn’t necessarily hard; it just requires sitting or lying on chairs in awkward poses. However, every time you’re both facing the mirror on the wall, her eyes bore into yours. You try to focus on yourself so that you can perfect your poses but her stare makes it impossible. 

You try your best to distance yourself from her mentally, since physically isn’t an option at this point, and throw yourself into the rest of your practicing. You’re glad she’s there though. She helps you out a lot with some of the choreography you just learned yesterday since she had been rehearsing all last week too. 

After a couple of hours, you sit on the floor and sigh. “I’m tired.”

She sits next to you, a little to close. “Me too. Do you want to get dinner, maybe?” 

“Sure. Anything in particular you feel like?” You were tempted to say no, but she sounded way too hopeful that you’d say yes that you just couldn’t turn her down. She has a puppy-dog like quality about her big brown eyes. 

You decide on Chinese take-out and you flip on the TV that’s mounted on the wall as a distraction from her puppy-dog eyes. You don’t like how she’s making you feel. You’re attracted to her and she’s obviously interested in you and it makes you feel like you’re already cheating on Santana. 

“I brought wine…do you drink?” She chuckles nervously. You smile and nod and stand to find wine glasses. It’s probably a bad idea to start drinking with her, but one glass won’t hurt right?

Unfortunately, it’s not just one glass. Haley sits the wine between the two of you and keeps filling your glass before you can drink all of it so you lose count of how many drinks you’ve had. Eventually you’ve eaten all of your egg drop soup and lo mein and you’re giggling nonstop about the lead in Cabaret with Haley. He’s ridiculously gay and has thrown mini-bitch fits since day one. She can do a killer impression of his storm offs that have you rolling laughing on the floor. 

She sits back down next to you after an impression. You’re on your back laughing when you feel both of her arms come down on either side of you. You open your eyes just in time to see her moving down to kiss you. 

The wine takes over and you kiss her back for about 5 seconds until you realize what’s happening. You immediately regret it. You gently push her shoulders to move her off of you and slowly sit up. 

“Haley…I…” You start. You really don’t want to hurt her feelings.

“Oh my God, you’re not gay. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean…” You cut her off. 

“I am actually, well I like girls and guys. I just…I sort of have something with someone else.” You try to put it nicely. 

“Oh shit. Yeah I probably should have asked you that before…” The rest of her sentence is lost in mumbles. She stares down at her hands. You feel terrible.

“Hey, it’s okay. We can hang out and be friends, you just can’t kiss me.” You smile a little at her willing her to look at you and know that you mean it about being friends. She does and returns a half-smile. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so embarrassed. You’re just so cool and so gorgeous. I think I’ve had a little too much wine.” You laugh and agree, telling her you have no idea how much you’ve had since she keeps topping your glass off. 

You chat for a little while longer, trying hard to defuse the tension. You have to see her for a while since you’re both dancing in the show so you really don’t want it to be awkward. 

Eventually, it’s time for her to leave. She gives you a short hug and apologizes again for kissing you. You promise her it’s okay and that you’ll see her bright and early. You shut the door behind her and fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow.

 

The next day during rehearsals Haley actively avoids you. You don’t let it bother you and instead spend your breaks in your own head trying to come up with a great date plan for tomorrow night. Maybe you’ll ask Quinn at the party tonight. She always has good ideas. 

Rehearsals drag on today and you silently thank Haley for helping you practice last night because you can definitely see the improvements. The show doesn’t open for another few months but the directors expect perfection. 

After your final number of the day, one of the directors comes over and praises your work. 

“Brittany, right? You’re doing a fantastic job. Keep it up. I wish half of these other dimwits were as good as you.” You smile at him but you’re not sure what to say. You hate it when people insult others to praise you. Coach Sylvester used to do the same thing, but you were used to it from her. The directors here are mean and scary but luckily they’ve been really impressed, and lenient when it came to missing rehearsals, with you. 

Haley catches up to you as you gather your things to leave. “You were great today.”

You smile at her and tell her that her help really paid off. 

“Listen Brittany, I’m sorry about last night. I had way too much to drink and got carried away. I hope we can still be friends.”

You hug her. “Of course we can still be friends! You’re totally awesome. Hey, what are you doing tonight? I’m going to a little party if you’d like to come!”

She agrees and you tell her to meet you at your apartment at 8. You send a quick text to Rachel and Santana saying you’re bringing Katelyn, Jake, and now Haley to the party. Sometimes you forget that you can’t just bring everyone you meet to other people’s parties. You just like to include everyone. 

Haley knocks on your door a few minutes early just as you’re getting dressed. You peep through the peephole since you’re in just your bra and underwear. You’ve always been extremely comfortable with your body and you’re not modest in the slightest bit, but you’ve made the mistake of just opening the door in your underwear before with a stranger on the other side. You open the door for her and she gasps at the sight of your nearly naked body. You take no notice and pull her inside and hug her. 

“I just have to finish getting dressed then we’ll leave. My roommate Katelyn is driving us since she’s possibly the only person in New York that has a car. My friend Jake is also coming with us.” You walk to your room and gesture for her to follow you. “The party is for my friend Quinn. She’s just got to town for her spring break so all of our friends are coming to see her. I’m hoping she and Jake will hit it off. They’d be so cute together.”

You pull a printed tank top over your head and wriggle into some pastel skinny jeans. You look around for accessories and wrap a scarf around your neck before grabbing a light jacket and flats. You look at Haley who is staring at you with her mouth slightly open. She quickly looks away and licks her lips slightly. 

“Ready?” She asks in a shaky voice. Only then do you realize that you probably should have dressed before letting her in. You silently remind yourself to be less open and affectionate with her so you don’t give her the wrong idea. You hold a hand out for her and pull her to the living room where Katelyn and Jake stand waiting at the door. You quickly introduce Haley and you all pile in Katelyn’s car and head to Bushwick. 

You beat on the door with your gang behind you. Rachel opens the door and immediately pulls you in for a hug. You love that she hugs you as much as you hug everyone else. You introduce Haley since she already knows the other tall dancer with auburn hair and freckles and Jake too. She hands you all drinks. 

She pulls all of you in and your eyes hone in on Santana. You start to smile until you see that she’s sitting next to Dani. You’re confused. They’re not touching but they’re laughing together chatting with Blaine and Quinn. You guess it makes sense for her to be here since she’s friends with everyone too, but why is she sitting with Santana? You feel your heart quicken with jealousy. 

You feel awkward having Dani around so you turn back to your friends. Rachel has already pulled Haley aside and introduced her to Kurt and Elliot and they’re chatting with a couple of Rachel’s friends from Funny Girl that Haley has worked with in the past. Jake is looking over your shoulder at Quinn. You can tell he’s awed by her. She’s the same gorgeous girl that she always has been, but now she has a new confidence and kindness about her. You love who Quinn has become. 

“She’s gorgeous, huh?” You ask Jake, eyeing Quinn too. 

“Beautiful.” He gushes, then looks down blushing. “Sorry, I’m drooling all over your friend.”

“It’s okay. Actually I think you guys would really get along.” You look up at him to find him grinning bashfully, so you grab his hand and pull him over to the crowd. 

“Quinn, this is my friend Jake. Jake, Quinn. You know everyone else, right?”

Jake nods and holds a hand out to the blonde. “Nice to meet you Quinn.” She smiles at his country accent. 

He joins in the conversation with Quinn, Blaine, and Santana. You lose interest and peek at Dani. She’s looking right at you. You turn to find Rachel in the kitchen and quickly make your way over to her. You’re almost safe until you feel a tugging at your arm. You turn to find yourself face to face with Dani.

“Hey, can we talk?” She asks you. You nod slowly and follow her to Santana’s room. You’re usually fairly good at defusing awkward situations, but with Dani all you can feel is the jealousy you felt before when you saw her sitting with Santana. 

“I know I was the one who broke up with Santana basically so you could have her, but I still really care about her. And Rachel told me about your past, um, relationships. Just don’t hurt her again, okay? She was pretty beat up this time last year and I’m pretty sure it had a lot to do with you. I just…I didn’t give her up so that you could hurt her again. I’m just not sure that you deserve her.” She pauses. “Sorry I’m being a bitch.”

You swallow the lump in your throat and nod. You can’t say anything. She just nods and walks out of the room leaving you sitting alone on Santana’s bed. 

You feel a stabbing pain in your heart. You don’t deserve Santana after the pain you’ve caused her. You know picking Sam over her was low, but you had reasoned with both her and yourself that it was for her own good so that she’d come to New York and find someone. Someone like Dani. 

You feel tears spill over your cheeks as you realize you’ve ruined exactly what you had hoped to do for Santana. You figured out a way to make her leave Lima and she found people like her. She found a beautiful girl who made her happy. Then you came back and ruined it all. 

You down whatever it is that’s in the cup Rachel handed you when you walked in and wipe your eyes. You check yourself in the mirror before grabbing another drink from the kitchen. You find Rachel’s iPod and put on poppy music and start dancing. Rachel and Katelyn join you immediately as you twirl around to Lady Gaga’s Do What U Want. You grab Quinn with one hand and Haley with the other and make them dance with you. 

_So do what you want_   
_What you want with my body_   
_Do what you want_   
_Don’t stop, let’s party_

You down another drink and keep dancing. At some point Santana joined in too, but you try your hardest to avoid her. You move away from her and toward the other dancers, blocking Santana from your reach.

You can feel Dani’s eyes on you from the couch where she and Kurt are talking. Finally it gets unbearable and you pull Quinn into the bathroom. You swallow hard and Quinn immediately notices that something’s wrong. You sit on the floor and pull your knees up to your chest. 

“Britt what’s wrong? What happened? I saw you and Dani go into Santana’s room.” She sits and smoothes your hair. The simple gesture makes your eyes fill with tears again. 

“She told me I didn’t deserve Santana again after everything I’ve put her through. And she’s right.” You whisper, your voice cracking. 

“Shh. That’s not true at all. Dani doesn’t know you at all. She had no right to say that to you.” She wraps her arms around you. “Why would you even think that?”

“Well for one, I had sex with Jake and I kissed Haley. Well she kissed me I guess. I stopped her.” You pause to sniffle. “I chose Sam over her and before that there was Artie. And I just…I’ve hurt her too much Q.”

“But she’s hurt you too. You guys have a lot of history. You both need to accept that and work on starting fresh. You can’t live in the past or you’ll completely miss all of the great things happening now.” She pauses. “Brittany, you and Santana are meant to be. Just take it slow. It might take some time to get back to where you were before, but it can happen.”

You take in her words then hug Quinn hard. “You always know what to say.” You pull away and smile at her through your leftover tears. You sit in silence for a second before Quinn speaks again.

“San may have mentioned that you brought Jake, the boy you happened to have slept with, for me.” She looks at you expectantly. You grin.

“Do you like him?” You ask hopefully. 

She looks down, smiling slightly. She looks like she’s concentrating, choosing her words carefully. “He’s very sweet, not exactly something I’ve had lately. He seems very familiar, almost like I’ve met him before.”

“He reminds me of Sam and I knew you actually really liked Sam.” 

She nods. “Yes, he is a little like Sam only less goofy and more charming. Well if he’s interested, I might be a little interested. And after all, he’s not the first person we’ve shared…”

You grin and roll your eyes at her. You still feel jealous when you think about Quinn sleeping with Santana. Quinn speaks again and steals you from the bad memory. 

“I’ve also been meaning to tell you that I’m moving to New York in May. I’m transferring to NYU. I’ll start in the summer.” 

“Oh my God! That’s amazing! You’ll be around all the time to tell me when I’m being stupid. I’m so excited!” You squeeze her in another bear hug.

“Britt you’re never stupid. Just silly sometimes.” She smiles. You chat for a bit longer about what her plans are for New York and she gives you ideas for your date night with Santana tomorrow before you emerge from the bathroom to return to the party. 

“What were you two talking about?” Santana smiles at you as she walks up to you. Your eyes lock with Dani’s over her shoulder before you look at her and return the smile. 

“She was helping me come up with a plan for our date tomorrow. Can you be ready at 7?” She grins and nods. “Wear something warm and casual.”

“Jeans?” You nod. She narrows her eyes and smirks at you, trying to figure you out like she always has. 

“You just have to wait and see Santy-pants.” You say and grin at how adorable she looks as she wrinkles her nose at you. 

“Fine.” She huffs in a fake sigh. You pull her to the middle of the living room and dance to the pop song playing. 

After another hour or so, Katelyn tugs on your arm indicating that she’s ready to leave. You find Haley chatting the Ice Queen aka Dani. You don’t look at Dani as you tell Haley that you’re getting ready to leave. You can feel her eyes on you as she looks from Haley to you. She probably assumes you’re sleeping with her too. You can’t help but feel a pang of guilt as you think of how you enjoyed Haley’s kiss for a couple of seconds before stopping her. You shake the feeling off and head to the door where Katelyn is impatiently waiting. 

You spot Jake exchanging phone numbers with a very happy looking Quinn before he meets you at the door. A chorus of goodbyes follows you out. 

Once back at home you find extra pillows and blankets and make yourself a place on the floor so Haley can sleep on your bed. Luckily, she’s drunk enough not to protest and you get comfortable on your pallet.

You’re very tired but you can’t fall asleep because your stomach is in knots thinking about your date with Santana tomorrow. You want it to be perfect. You’re going to prove to her, and yourself, that it can work again. You really want it to work again.


	11. How Long Will I Love You

You lay in bed for a few minutes the next morning reveling in the warmth of your blankets before getting up to find Quinn sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee in her hands. 

“Good morning sleepy head. I made coffee.” She greets you with a smile.

“Thanks baby mama. Where’s man hands?” You snicker as she narrows her eyes at you.

“She had class. She wants to meet for lunch so you’d better get moving.”

You fill a mug with coffee and stir in some sugar and almond milk. You developed a liking for certain vegan foods, like the milk substitutes, since living with Rachel. 

Quinn helps you pick out an outfit for the day and then one for your date tonight. You have no idea what to expect from Brittany. You lay out a pair of jeans, a sweater, boots and a scarf hoping that will be warm enough. 

You dress for lunch and meet Quinn in the kitchen. 

“Ready?” You ask her as she adjusts her cardigan over her floral dress. She looks like springtime. 

“Um almost. I need to tell you something.” You start to worry. That’s never a good conversation starter. “I don’t know if you noticed Dani and Brittany go into your room last night, but I think Dani said some things that really hurt B. She told me that Dani basically said she didn’t deserve to have you back.”

She lets that sink in before speaking again. 

“I just wanted you to know because I think Brittany is just as scared as you are about making this happen again. She’s afraid of hurting you again. If you really want to be with her again San, you may have to put forth some effort too.” 

You stare at her for a second until a wave of anger washes over you. 

“How dare she talk to Brittany like that! What the hell!” You reach for your phone to call Dani, but Quinn grabs your arm. 

“San, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I know you want to protect Brittany, but Dani is hurting too. I just thought that you should know where Brittany is coming from in all of this. She’s scared and making herself vulnerable for you.”

You take a few deep breaths to try to calm yourself down. 

“Fine Fabray. I won’t do anything. But you’re right. I didn’t think about how Brittany’s feeling. She knows that Dani’s full of shit though right? Make sure she knows that.” You plead with her.

“Don’t worry. I told her.” She hugs you. “Let this one go. Dani kind of got the shitty end of the stick and she was kind of looking out for you. She’s not terrible. Now come on, we don’t want to keep Berry waiting.”

 

Over lunch you all chat about Quinn moving to New York and all of your plans for this coming year. Rachel wants to audition for another show. Not that that’s news to you. She seems to shake with excitement every time Broadway is mentioned and it’s always been common knowledge that she’s impatient as hell. 

Quinn plans to move as soon as her semester ends in May and take summer classes. You’re excited because you’ll potentially have class at the same time and can have lunch together. But then she’s probably living with you so you’ll see her all the time anyway. 

Rachel mentions that you should audition for a show. 

“I know I’m ridiculously talented, but not in the same way you are. I’m not sure they would want me; I’m not exactly Broadway material. I was a go-go dancer for a while in case you’ve forgotten.” Quinn giggles. Rachel scowls.

“Santana Lopez, you are so talented and anyone would be lucky to have you in their show.” She pauses, looking thoughtful. “What about an off-Broadway show? It’s a great way to get your foot in the door. You’re starting NYU soon as a dance and performing arts major. Don’t act like you’re above musicals.” 

You laugh because you know it’s true. “Look Berry, if something comes up, sure I’d go for it. But I’m not looking for it right now. I’m just focusing on school right now.”

“Just promise you won’t let an opportunity pass by if it should present itself.” Rachel gives you a stern look. 

You throw your hands up in resignation. “You have my word, geez. Don’t get your panties in a bunch.”

Quinn laughs at the two of you. “When did the two of you become best friends?”

“Oh please, I could ask you the same question.” You laugh at the two who are nearly inseparable when they are together.

Rachel grins, then gasps. “Oh my gosh, Quinn! You haven’t been to Callbacks, ever! Santana refuses to go, but if you come-” 

“Ugh, the NYADA snob hole. No, Quinn, don’t make me.” You whine.

“Oh come on, S. It could be fun. Show all of those NYADA snobs how good Santana Lopez is.” 

“Fine.” You cross your arms over your chest. “As long as Brittany comes. And Dani doesn’t.” You give Rachel a pointed look.

“Okay, no Dani. But Kurt, Blaine and Elliot are coming. Tomorrow night?”

You agree and send Brittany a quick text telling her about these plans. You also mention that you’re excited for your date. She sends you multiple smiley faces back. She’s the cutest.

 

Brittany knocks on your door right at seven and you find her looking absolutely adorable bundled up in a puffy coat and hat. 

“Ready?” She takes your hand and you walk out into the cold street. It’s almost April but the New York nights are still frigid. 

You get on the subway that takes you to Manhattan. She links her pinky with yours as you sit on the train. You ask her about her day and she tells you about Cabaret and how weird it is. You’ve never seen it, but you’re really looking forward to her opening night. You always knew she’d get to this point and you’re so excited you get to be there for her first performance on a Broadway stage.

The subway stops at the Rockefeller Center station and Brittany pulls you off and up the stairs. 

“I know you’ve lived here for like a year now, but I’m still new, so tonight we’re tourists!” She grins at you while throwing her arms out and twirling in the street and you can’t help but smile.

“First on our list is street vendor food!” She pulls you over to a vendor selling hotdogs and buys two. She asks the man if he has hot sauce then loads yours up just the way you like it. 

“Fancy.” You smirk as she hands the spicy dog. You stand with your backs against a building while you eat. She giggles when she reminds you of how your dad finally convinced you to eat a hotdog when he dumped hot sauce on it. Your Latina blood loves spicy things, which is probably why you like Brittany so much. 

Once you finish your hotdogs, Brittany links her pinky with yours again and pulls you into a doorway that reads “The Top of the Rock.” You’ve heard of this amazing tourist trap with the beautiful views, but you’ve never seen it for yourself. She presents her tickets to the ticket master and you stand in line for a few minutes before being ushered onto an elevator. 

You’ve never been one for heights, but once you see the gorgeous nighttime view of New York City, you don’t realize how high up you are. You pull out your phone and snap a few pictures before changing it to the front-facing camera and pulling Brittany into a picture with you. She rests her arms on the thick ledge separating her from the open air. You snap another picture of her looking out over the lit up city, taking it all in. She looks radiant. 

“Look, I can almost see where you live!” She points off into the general Brooklyn direction. You laugh.

“And there’s your place. I think I can actually see in your window.” You joke as you point just to the left of her arm. She swaps at you playfully before resting her head on your shoulder. 

“It’s beautiful up here.” 

You circle the overlook a few times, taking pictures of the scenery and each other before taking the elevator back down to the ground. 

“We’re not done yet. Item 3 on our list: ice skating!” She says as she jumps up and down in front of the rink. You grin and follow her in to rent skates. 

You’re a little shaky on the ice as you watch Brittany pirouette around you. She’s as graceful on the ice as she is when she dances. You, on the other hand, could use some help. 

She grabs both of your hands as she skates backwards in front of you, pulling you along. She spins you and laughs as you squeal, afraid to fall. 

A kid nearly knocks you down as he skates between the two of you.

“Hey, watch it!” You grumble at the kid, sounding like an old man. Brittany just laughs at you and pulls you closer to her. 

You tentatively start to move faster as Brittany holds on to you as you move around the rink. She lets go and twirls around you, putting her skills on display for you and everyone else on the ice. She moves so fluidly with control over every muscle of her tall, lean body. Hot body.

She grabs you from behind and pushes you making a mini-train of just the two of you when her skate hits the back of yours and you both tumble down. You land in her lap. 

“Ow.” You groan as Brittany just laughs. She gets up pretty quickly and pulls you back to your feet and circles you wiping ice off of your butt. You get a familiar tingle in your stomach as her hands brush across you. 

After a few more laps around the rink, you both decide to call it quits. You’re exhausted and not used to using that particular set of muscles to skate. 

It’s late so you both make your way back to the subway to get back to Bushwick. On the subway you squeeze Brittany’s hand.

“You know you don’t have to go all the way back to Bushwick then all the way back to Queens. It’s not exactly practical.” You tell her. “Plus you being out at night is kind of scary.”

She thinks for a second before saying, “I really don’t mind it, but I’m kind of tired…” You shush her and nod. 

“Hop the train at the next stop. It doesn’t make sense for you to run around in the circles.” She looks grateful. “Thank you for an amazing date, Britt.”

She grins at you. “I had a lot of fun. Sorry I made you fall.”

You laugh. “Yeah my ass is freezing!”

She gives you an extra tight squeeze and her lips graze your ear as she thanks you for a great night. A chill runs up your spine that leaves you speechless as she gets off the train. 

You’ve fallen 100% head over heels for her again. Well actually you’re not sure that you ever weren’t in love with her. You were just distracted, kind of. Being with her makes you feel alive. You’re so happy with where your life is headed and you know it’s partly because of her. It’s like everything was falling into place, but there was a missing piece until she stepped back into your life. She’s your missing piece. 

You get off at your stop and hop straight into bed when you get inside. Your illness only afforded a few days off of work and tomorrow you have an early shift and then Callbacks. You sigh. At least Brittany is going. 

 

You pull a jacket over your ridiculous work uniform and wait for Rachel at the door of the diner. Luckily you don’t worry about seeing Dani at work since that one time your boss caught you and her making out in the freezer. And the bathroom. And the break room. You’re glad she’s not here though. You’re still extremely pissed that she was mean to Brittany. 

“Come on, Elliot is meeting us at our apartment soon.” Rachel hurries you out of the door. 

You hop on the subway, again. Sometimes you feel like you should just carry a sleeping bag with you and live on the subway like a creepy old hobo. 

“So you never really told me how your date went last night.” Rachel says as the train lurches forward. 

“It was a lot of fun. We did all of the touristy things you can do at Rockefeller: got hot dogs from a vendor, went up to the Top of the Rock, and went ice-skating.” You smile. “It was great. It just felt so easy. Not forced, you know?”

Rachel smiles broadly at you. “Kind of like you’re meant to be?”

You feel yourself blushing as you smile and nod, fiddling with your fingers. 

Rachel chatters about school and her incessant need for the spotlight, but you’re lost in your own thoughts. Being with Brittany feels like home. It feels right. ‘Of course Brittany will always be my girlfriend,’ you hear yourself two years ago tell the Glee club. At the time it seemed so true. Nothing else mattered except Brittany. But then she didn’t graduate and you went to Louisville without her. She was hurt and left behind. You were flunking out of college because you hated it. 

Then there was Sam. But you still remember her kissing you goodbye as you finally departed for New York even though she was dating him. She still loved you then, you know it. Then there was Quinn. Your stomach is in knots as you remember why you did that. Never mind the fact that you were both insanely drunk at your old teacher’s wedding. You remember the sad look on Brittany’s face as she waved to you from her seat next to Sam. 

It was a look that said ‘I’m still hurting because you left me behind.’ But it also said ‘I’m with Sam now and I’m sorry that hurts you.’ So you slept with Quinn. You tried to pretend she was Brittany but she was way too different from the dancer. Her skin didn’t smell as sweet, her kisses weren’t as forceful or passionate, and her body wasn’t tall and toned, but rather soft and slightly curvy. Not that Quinn isn’t wonderful in her own way…she’s just not Brittany.

Of course you were glad it was Quinn though. You had had a few other flings while you were at Louisville, but they all left you feeling sick to your stomach. Instead Quinn renewed a confidence that you had been missing since being rejected by Brittany again. 

Spending time with Brittany again is like a fresh breath of air. She’s not like Dani at all. She’s softer, more playful, and attuned to every feeling you have. Dani’s a little rough around the edges and while she’s a very caring person, she never understood you. You decide to let go of your anger. You hurt her the same way you’ve been hurt. You rejected her for someone else. You know exactly how that feels and it blows. 

“Have you been listening to anything I’ve been saying?” Rachel snaps you out of thoughts. 

“Sorry! I’m just a little distracted. I don’t know what to wear tonight.”

She narrows her eyes at you. “Santana Lopez can’t decide what to wear. Alert the press.” 

You smirk at her attempt to be bitchy. “Nice try man hands. I’ll figure it out and look hotter than any of those NYADA skanks.”

“Oh come on.” She pulls you off the train at your stop. 

You walk into your apartment to find Quinn sitting on the couch looking bored. 

“Thank God you’re back.” She groans. “There’s nothing on TV and nothing to do.”

“Quinn, you’re in New York city! There’s always something to do!” Rachel looks shocked that Quinn would suggest that New York is boring. 

“Well I didn’t have much time. I spent the morning with Kurt and I got back here about an hour ago. I didn’t have time to go anywhere.”

They bicker until you pull Quinn into your room to help you pick out clothes for Callbacks. You’re not sure why you’re nervous. Tonight isn’t technically a date. 

She pulls a cute pair of black skinny jeans and a sequined tank top out of your closet. You toss a leather jacket onto your bed to wear over it. Then you run to call dibs on the shower before Rachel can, which leaves her grumbling. Maybe getting her back on stage wouldn’t be such a bad idea considering her grumpy moods lately. 

You get out of the shower just as you hear a knock on the door. 

“Hi Elliot!” Quinn greets him. You suppose they’ve gotten to know each other a little bit since you first found him when Kurt started his ridiculous band. 

Rachel beats on the bathroom door with her fist. “Santana, get out. It’s my turn. We don’t have much time and you know how long my skin care rituals take.”

You chuckle and saunter out of the bathroom in your towel. You can see Quinn eyeing your exposed legs, undoubtedly remembering a particularly steamy night last year. You laugh inwardly, but you know it’ll never happen again. Not since Brittany has come back into your life. 

You dress and blow-dry your hair before putting on your make-up. It takes Rachel another half hour after you finish getting ready to put the finishing touches on her own look. 

“Are you coming or not?” Quinn yells at her exasperatedly. You peek at her phone to see her texting Jake. You hope he comes for her. 

She stumbles out of her room slipping a stiletto onto her foot. “I have to look good! You never know who will be at Callbacks. Casting directors and talent scouts show up there all the time.”

 

After yet another subway ride, you walk in the upscale piano bar where all of NYADA’s finest hang out. You see a lot of snobby looking faces and a lot of Porcelain lookalikes. 

You spot Brittany with Kurt, Blaine, and Jake sitting at a large, circular corner booth near the stage. When you, Quinn, Rachel and Elliot arrive at the table, Jake stands like a true gentleman letting you slip in next to Brittany and he sits back down next to Quinn. 

Rachel is talking very animatedly to Kurt about an awful professor, probably the same “awful” professor she had last year that went out of her way to support Rachel in her Funny Girl audition. No wonder she’s so great on stage. She’s a total drama queen. 

“Are you going to sing something?” Brittany asks you with a cute smile playing on her lips. 

“I was planning to. I don’t know what song though.” 

Elliot overhears this and chimes in. “Santana, sing Another Day from Rent with me! Please, please, please?!” You make a face.

“Oh come on San, Rent’s your favorite musical!” Brittany urges you, so of course it doesn’t take much more convincing.

The rest of your group cheers as you and Elliot make your way to the stage. You tell the guy doing the music what you want to sing and you wait for the current performance, which is not amazing by anyone’s standards, to end. You can sing these NYADA freaks under the table. 

You stand in the middle of the stage and grab the mic. Brittany gives you two thumbs up as Elliot starts the upbeat song. The beat slows and you softly sing Mimi’s lullaby-like part.

_There's only us_  
 _There's only this_  
 _Forget regret_  
 _Or life is yours to miss_  
 _No other road_  
 _No other way_  
 _No day but today_

You meet Brittany’s eyes in the crowd. The words ring in your ears. 

_There's only now, there's only here_  
 _Give in to love or live in fear_

You finish and everyone is on their feet applauding. Just like you said, you can blow these snobs out of the water. Elliot hugs you and you grin. You miss performing on stage. 

You see a man in a suit approaching the stage as you exit. 

“Excuse me.” He rests a hand on your forearm. “My name is Jack Winston and I’m a casting director for an upcoming off-Broadway revival of Rent. I’d love it if you’d audition. I think you’d make a great Mimi, based on your performance just now. Here’s my card and the audition information. Lovely performance. Very nice to meet you…” He looks at you expectantly. 

“Santana. Santana Lopez. Thank you. This sounds like an amazing opportunity.” You take his card and walk back to your table. 

“Who was that? Was he a scout? A director?” Rachel’s eyes are wide. You nod.

“He’s a casting director for the off-Broadway production of Rent. Good choice of songs Elliot.” You see him exchange a glance with Kurt. “Wait, did you know he’d be here?”

“I did. I just thought hey, why not? It’s not like you have to do it if you don’t want to.” Kurt says. 

“But you totally should. You’d be so great and you light up when you’re on stage.” Brittany squeezes your hand under the table. 

Quinn smiles at you. You know what she thinks already without her having to say anything. All of your friends continue to stare at you until you finally give in.

“Okay, yes, I’ll audition. I mean, it’s nothing serious yet, right? I might not even get the part.” 

“You will!” Brittany says and kisses you on the cheek, which makes your stomach do backflips. 

You grin and soak up the spotlight for a few more minutes until Kurt and Blaine leave the table to sing a super gay duet. Elliot and Brittany look content to watch the boys sing, Rachel left the table to talk to a friend from school, and Quinn and Jake are deep in conversation. She keeps giggling and blushing. You would normally want to vomit at how gross it is, but since she’s your best friend, you’re happy that it’s working out. 

“I want to sing a song. I hope they have it. I’ll be back!” Brittany smiles at you as she slides out of the booth. 

You watch her walk up to the music man and request her song. He looks through his collection before nodding and smiling up at the pretty blonde. She waits for Kurt and Blaine to finish singing and then a little longer for a NYADA Barbie to sing Wicked’s Popular. 

“You really love her don’t you?” You tear your eyes away from Brittany and turn towards Elliot. He looks sincere, which surprises you since he is Dani’s best friend.

“I…um…” You stare down at your hands. 

“Sorry, I don’t mean to pry. You don’t have to answer that.” You look back up to stage where Brittany stands in the middle of it at the microphone. 

“Um hi everyone! I don’t usually sing. I’m more of a dancer, but I have a special song to sing tonight.” She looks nervous as she nods to the music man who starts the soft piano song that sounds even more like a lullaby than what you sang. You recognize Ellie Goulding’s version of How Long Will I Love You. 

_How long will I love you?_  
 _As long as stars above you_  
 _And longer, if I can._  
 _How long will I need you?_  
 _As long as the seasons need to_  
 _Follow their plan._

She keeps her eyes on you as she confesses her love for you all over again. In high school she always dominated fun, poppy songs that she could dance to. Only when you were alone with her did you get to see this side of her. Her soft voice carries through the piano bar. It’s beautiful, raw and real. She means every word. 

You feel a tear trickle down your cheek as she sings the last verse. You wipe it away as she steps down from the stage. You turn back to Elliot.

“Yes, I really do.” You answer him.


	12. Love Me Again

The look on her face as you finish your song leaves you breathless. To be honest it was exactly the look you were hoping for, but watching her fall in love with you all over again makes you both incredibly nervous and so, so excited. 

You make your way back to the booth as Santana stands. 

“Do you, um, want to get out of here?” She asks you quietly. You nod and she gives Quinn a look. The two seem to have an entire conversation without speaking a word. You envy their friendship. 

She pulls you out of the door and hails a cab. She gives the driver your address, which surprises you. You guess with Quinn and Rachel there and walls made from curtains, there isn’t any real privacy in their loft. 

You ride in a tense silence all the way to your apartment. You pray that no one is home. Other than Katelyn, you don’t really like your roommates and you find that it’s easier when they’re not around. Well, it’s not that you dislike them; it’s that they don’t seem to like you very much. Since you got the part in Cabaret, they’ve been giving you dirty looks and never inviting you places.

Santana follows you inside and to your room. She shuts the door behind her and you turn to face her. 

She’s biting her lip nervously with the same look on her face as earlier. Your stomach does backflips as she slowly inches closer to you. 

“That song was beautiful.” She whispers, taking your hand again. 

“I meant it. All of it.” Your breathing quickening with her nearness. 

She holds yours eyes for a few more seconds of silence before her lips crash into yours. You wrap your arms around her like you never want to let her go. 

She tangles her hands in your hair as you both fall back onto your bed. You kiss her like you’ve never kissed her before. You feel all of the longing and loneliness pour into your kisses. You can’t imagine going another day without doing this. You can’t imagine another day without her in your life. 

She moves her lips to your ear and nibbles on your ear lobe. It was always your unspoken signal to keep going. She sits up slightly and you pull her jacket off as she kicks her shoes off with her feet. 

Her hands immediately go to your waistband as she unbuttons your jeans. You shimmy out of them while helping her out of her own jeans and pulling shirts over both of your heads. 

When her warm, tanned skin makes contact with yours, you lose it. You rip off her and your remaining clothing and climb on top her kissing her harder. She kisses you back just as hard. 

Normally, your sex life with Santana was very adventurous and experimental. But tonight you settle for keeping your lips on hers. There’s something very intimate about being so close to someone during sex and right now you want to feel as close to her as possible. 

You hear her rapid and erratic breathing as she pulls your face down to her neck, holding on to you. You take in every detail of her body: the way her back arches and her eyelids droop. You’ve never wanted to be closer to anyone else. 

After the most perfect night, you fall asleep with your beautiful girl in your arms. 

 

The next morning you wake a few minutes before your alarm goes off. You prop your head up on your elbow and watch Santana sleep. Normally she keeps herself very guarded but first thing in the morning, you see a relaxed and vulnerable face. The one you love. 

The alarm blares and she scrunches her face up. You smile. “I don’t want to wake up.” She groans.

You trace her lips with your finger before kissing her. She smiles into your kisses. “Well, maybe waking up isn’t so bad. As long as coffee comes with those kisses.”

“Coming right up!” You hop out of bed and pull on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt from your dresser. 

You fix two cups of coffee and check your phone.

*LUNCH? I need details.* You have a text from Rachel. You grin and text her back telling her you’ll meet her at your usual spot. You and Rachel have made it a habit to grab lunch a couple days during the week when you have the same break times. 

You carry the coffee back to your room to find Santana sitting up wearing one of your t-shirts. Even first thing in the morning, she’s the most gorgeous girl you’ve ever seen. 

She smiles sheepishly at you as you hand over her coffee, you trading it for a kiss. Now that you can kiss her again, you can’t seem to stop. Santana seems to notice this and looks down at the cup in her hands. 

“Maybe we could have dinner tonight and talk about all of this. I know we had a couple of dates, but everything is moving so fast now.” She tentatively tells you. Your heart skips a beat thinking that she might be thinking she made a mistake. 

“Oh no, Britt, I want this. I do. It’s just scary, you know? It’s been a long time since we were last together and things have changed.” She sees the distraught look on your face and squeezes your free hand. “Come on, I’ll take you out tonight. I know this great Indian place in East Village.”

 

You arrive at the theater a few minutes early and start stretching, going through the possible scenarios of how tonight’s dinner might go. You wish you could talk to your dad about it. He always had the best advice.

Haley skips over to you and begins chattering on about a date she had with a cute girl, but you hardly hear her over your own thoughts until she mentions Santana.

“What?” You look up at her quickly.

“I just asked how things were going with Santana.” She gives you a confused look. “You seem out of it.”

“I…I think things are going well. We had a great night last night but now she wants to talk about things, and I don’t know what that means.” You shrug.

“Ladies, if you could join us, please.” Your director looks at you and Haley, exasperatedly, interrupting Haley before she could respond.

“We’re doing a full rehearsal today. We’ll tackle the first act before lunch, break, and then come back for the second act. The show opens in one month and we’re not even done with costume fittings yet. We’re behind so I expect every one of you on your A game because this show will go on.”

You glance at Haley who raises her eyebrows back at you. You both know it’s going to be a long day, no time to worry over your relationship problems. 

You take your place at the back of the stage behind the finished set with your chair and wait for the first number to begin. Emcee begins his part with this silly accent and before you know it you’re cartwheeling behind him and dancing on a chair. 

You think the musical is actually pretty silly but you love the crazy dance moves, like leaning back straddling a chair and throwing your legs up in the air. You’ve always enjoyed being able to let loose and do crazy dances, so it’s really the perfect fit for your first Broadway show. And it’s definitely not boring and the morning goes by fast. 

You walk quickly down the street to the café where you meet Rachel. She’s already sitting, sipping water and flipping through a book. 

“Hey!” You say as you grab the water already set out for you and drain it.

“You look like you’ve had a fun morning.” She notes the slight sheen of sweat on your forehead and your red cheeks. 

“My director just realized that our show opens in one month and now he’s freaking out and cramming full rehearsals in.” You sigh. “I’m excited though. I can’t believe I’m going to be in my first Broadway show!”

“I’m so excited for you!” She squeals. “It’s such a rush being up there on that stage for the first time. It’s amazing. You’re going to love it, Brittany.” 

You grin and order a turkey wrap from the waiter who comes by to take your order. Rachel orders a sprout sandwich. You silently thank God for not making you vegan, or at least for not putting any ideas in your head.

“So…last night, what happened with Santana?” She gives you a look that says she already knows exactly what happened because Santana never came home.

You blush. “She stayed the night.” You offer her bait.

“Obviously.” She says with a huff. “What exactly happened when she stayed the night? I mean…spare me the dirty details of your sex life, obviously.”

You grin again. “It was just like old times, except way better. I guess because it’s been so long and I’ve wanted her for so long and I finally got her again. It was perfect.”

“So are you girlfriends again? I know it’s kind of sudden, but given your history, I would just assume.”

“Santana said she wanted to talk about it over dinner tonight. I don’t know what that means.” You take a bit of the wrap that was just set down in front of you. 

“Talking about her feelings seems a little out of character for Santana, but still, she’s scared. She still doesn’t know how to deal with her feelings for you.”

You nod and chew your food, eyeballing the weird looking sandwich Rachel has. 

“Be patient with her. You know better than anyone else how Santana is. She makes people think she’s big and bad, but really she’s quite sensitive and insecure.” She hesitates. “Don’t tell her I said that. I don’t mean it in a bad way. I just know she’s quick to write herself off and so she thinks everyone else will too. Speaking of which, please talk her into auditioning for the off-Broadway production of Rent. You and I both know she’s perfect for Mimi, possibly even Maureen. She needs this and now would be the perfect time before her real classes start in the summer.”

You nod some more, trying to figure out when Rachel had time to eat almost all of her sandwich. You finish your wrap wishing you could have another. Dancing makes you so hungry. Your thoughts drift for a moment before you pull yourself back into the conversation. 

“Santana’s great at everything she tries. I don’t know why she’s so scared of putting herself out there. I think she’s awesome.” You say with a shrug. 

“Then there’s no better person to convince her to do Rent. She’ll take what you have to say to heart. She thinks I’m just obsessed with the stage, so she never listens to me. And I’m sure Quinn has been working on her some too, but she’ll really listen to you.”

You pay for your meal and hug Rachel on your way out the door. You promise to talk to Santana tonight about Rent and to tell her how her date goes. And then you make your way back to the theater for the rest of rehearsal. 

 

At six, your director finally says that you’re free to go home. You send Santana a quick text.

*I’m going to get ready at the theater instead of going home. Where should I meet you?* 

A few seconds later she texts back giving you the address to the restaurant and plans on meeting you at 7:30. That gives you time to shower and wash the funk out of your hair. 

You find Haley in the backstage bathroom that, fortunately, has showers. She’s reapplying her makeup and trying to fix her short hair. 

“Hot date tonight?” You tease her. 

“Damn right. Her name is Lisa. She texted me this morning and said she wanted to get drinks. This girl is getting laid.” She gives you a smug grin and you laugh. 

“Well good luck with that!” You giggle and pull the shower curtain closed. 

“Hey, you know I need it. I hit on you, after all.” She snorts back at you. 

“How could I forget? What does Lisa look like? Is she super hot?” You shout over running water. 

“So hot. Here, I have a picture.” You hear her moving toward your shower so you poke your head out. She shows you a picture on her phone of herself and a pretty girl with dark hair. 

“Wow, she is pretty.” You tell Haley. You can almost feel her smugness through the curtain. 

You banter back and forth with Haley while you finish getting ready. Luckily you decided this morning to pack clothes in case rehearsal ran long so you pull out a short, printed dress with boots and pull your damp hair up in bandana headband. 

You and Haley walk out of the theater together and part ways after a quick hug. You’re glad things with Haley didn’t get weird. You like her a lot. She’s funny and easy to talk to and you didn’t want one silly kiss to ruin a friendship. 

You hail a cab and give the driver the address of the restaurant. A few minutes later you pay and climb out. You see Santana sitting at a table reading the menu. She looks radiant as usual. 

 

Knowing Santana, you need to wait to let her start the conversation about your relationship. You know she needs to come to you, so you chatter on about your day and how your director was freaking out. Luckily, for you, tomorrow and Thursday are devoted to costume fittings so you don’t actually have to be at the theater until late afternoon. 

“So you’re free Thursday morning?” Santana asks you; you nod. “Would you be interested in coming with me to my audition for Rent?”

She looks adorably hopeful and shy all at the same time. You grin. “Of course! I wouldn’t miss it for the world!”

She smiles at you, her secret smile that’s reserved for only you. “Thanks. Rachel is helping me tomorrow with the song. I could think of a million other things I’d rather be doing and I really don’t want her at the audition.”

You giggle. Rachel can be a handful and a bit of a know-it-all when it came to theater. “So I guess she didn’t need me to talk you into it after all.”

She narrows her eyes. “What? She actually told you to talk me into this?”

“Aw Santypants, don’t be upset. You know she just wants the best for you.” You say, popping a chunk of bread in your mouth. 

“You’re what’s best for me.” She says quietly, staring down at her food. And there it was. She came to you. 

“And you’re what’s best for me.” You say tentatively, trying to get a feel for where the conversation was going. You notice the corners of her mouth twitch, giving her happiness away. So you keep talking. “I missed you so much when I was at MIT and I was stupid for not telling you I was here—”

“You are not stupid. You’re a genius, Britt. And I get why you didn’t tell me you were here. I just wish you would have. I missed you too.” She interrupts you, defending you from yourself. 

You smile at her. “I can’t imagine spending another day without you, Santana. You’re my best friend. I need someone to cuddle with at night when I have bad dreams and someone to sing to in the shower. I need someone to skip through the park with and to dance in the clubs with. I need someone to sing to at karaoke bars and to kiss when I’m drunk. You’re the person I need. You were there when my dad…died. You were there when we were little kids and I found out that my goldfish didn’t move back to the ocean. You’ve always been there. I love you, Santana. I always have. Say you’re mine?”

Her eyes are glistening in the dim lighting. “I’m yours, Britt. Proudly so.” She leans over the table and kisses you softly on the lips. 

She wrinkles her nose and smirks at you. “What was that you were saying about dancing at the clubs?” 

Your face lights up. “Can we please go dancing San? I miss normal dancing. Cabaret is fun, but it’s so weird.”

Santana pays for both of your meals and then links her pinky in yours and you make your way to the street. She hails a cab without letting go of your pinky. You haven’t had anything to drink, but your head feels warm and fuzzy. You bounce up and down a little. You haven’t been so excited in a long time. 

You hop in the cab after Santana and she gives the cabbie the name of a club you’ve never heard of. 

“They have great music. You’ll love it.”

 

You follow Santana into the club that you didn’t catch the name of. You flash your ID to the doorman. Luckily, you only have a year to go before you both turn 21 and can go to real bars. The club looks cool inside. It’s crowded but everyone is glowing in some way or another thanks to the black lights that line the ceiling. The pattern on your dress picks up the light making you glow like a spotted leopard. Santana’s pale green dress lights up the whole room. 

You tug Santana to the dance floor and start moving to the beat of the song that’s ending. Santana grins at you as you wait for the next song to start. A dance remix of John Newman’s Love Me Again blares through the speakers. 

Santana lifts her arms into the air and shakes her hips to the beat. Your hands find a spot on her hips and you mimic her motions. She opens her mouth to sing along even though you can’t hear her over how loud the song is.

_I need to know now, know now_  
 _Can you love me again?_  
 _I need to know now, know now_  
 _Can you love me again?_

You smirk and raise your eyebrows at her as she moves with the bass. She dances better than you remember. You twist her around and close the space between your bodies. She grinds on you and you push aside her long black curls to uncover her neck so you can kiss it. She throws her head back in response and caresses the back of your own neck with her skillful fingers. 

Finally you twist her back around and she forces her lips onto yours kissing you hard. Your heart skips a beat. She’s never kissed you like this before with so many people around. 

After a couple more songs, she pulls away from you and grazes your ear with her lips. “Come on, we better get going if Berry expects me any time before noon.”

You give her a confused look and put your mouth on her ear. “But it’s only ten.” She smirks at you and raises her eyebrows. _Oh._ You’re guessing you won’t be sleeping until much later. You giggle as she drags you out of the club.


	13. Love Don't Die

You’re standing in the middle of a NYADA dance studio with Rachel yelling at you. She’s been yelling at you for about three hours since you first arrived after Brittany literally forced you out of her bed this morning. You tried your hardest to pull her back to bed but she wouldn’t give in to your sweet lady kisses. 

“Come on, Santana. You have to know all of these songs perfectly. And you haven’t even chosen which song you’re going to sing yet. Santana! Are you even paying attention?”

“Shut up, Berry! We’ve been at this for hours. I’m going to get lunch.” You pick up your bag from the bench. 

“Actually, you’re coming with me to get lunch. We’re meeting Quinn and Jake. I hope you didn’t have a prior engagement.” 

You roll your eyes and sigh. Of course she made plans for you. You suppose it’s okay though. You’ve been spending so much time with Brittany the past couple of days you’ve barely seen Quinn and she’s going back to school in a couple of days.

Rachel drags you into a sandwich shop a block away from NYADA where you find Quinn and Jake huddled together, giggling, on one side of a booth. Rachel gives you a toothy grin and looks back at a blushing Quinn, who scoots away from Jake.

You all order and Rachel immediately begins chattering with Jake about his life in New York. You catch Quinn’s eyes and roll your own. She smirks and raises her eyebrows. Rachel is giving Jake the third degree, but then you guess it could be worse. She could be sad about her single friend moving on to a new love interest. 

You could never forget Finn, but you do sometimes forget how hard it was for Rachel. She hasn’t even thought about dating anyone since Finn died. She avoids the question and you and Quinn know better than to bring it up. But seeing all of your friends falling in love or getting married has to be hard on the little diva. Quinn gives you a sad look that means she was thinking the same thing. 

“Don’t let this accent fool you. I’m actually pretty smart.” He grins and raises his eyebrows at Rachel, to which she has a sheepish, embarrassed look. “I graduated from Clemson University in South Carolina in December with a BS in Economics. A friend of mine and I moved up here to try for internships on Wall Street. I got big dreams too.” 

He winks at Rachel and Quinn grins broadly at Rachel’s embarrassment. 

“I’m so sorry, Jake. I never meant to insinuate that you weren’t smart or didn’t have dreams. I’m very impressed that you would make such a bold move to try to get an internship on Wall Street.”

“Kind of like I’m impressed that you managed to get the lead in a Broadway show as a freshman.” He wraps rests an arm on the booth behind Quinn’s shoulders and lightly rubs her arm while smiling way too kindly at Rachel.

Rachel beams at his compliment and recognition and leans across the table. In a faux whisper, she tells Quinn, “don’t let him get away!”

Quinn rolls her eyes and looks at you. “How is everything with Brittany, S?”

You sigh dreamily. “Perfect. The sex is amazing!” You wink at Quinn.

“Ugh San, we don’t need to know.” Quinn wrinkles her nose at you. “I’m glad things worked out though. Are you official again?”

You flash her a big smile and nod as Rachel giggles and claps her hands next to you. 

Your food arrives and you all start to eat and carry on light conversation about Quinn moving to New York in a little more than a month. You all decide that she can crash at your place until she finds a place. 

You watch Jake as Quinn talks. He looks at her the same way you look at Brittany. You can tell he really likes her, so you make a mental note to give him a few harmless choice words about how he’ll have to answer to you, la chica de Lima Heights Adjacent, if he hurts her. But as far as you can tell, Britt found Quinn a real gem. Not that you’re surprised. Brittany is an excellent judge of character. 

You get lost in your thoughts about Brittany. Last night and the night before that was amazing. You’d almost forgotten how exciting her touch was. She knows all of the secret spots on your body that make you lose it as if she’s memorized every detail of your body. Her kisses make you come undone and the slightest touch of her fingertips sends you over the edge. You forgot how comfortable you were with her and now that she’s back you never want to lose her again. 

“Santana.” Rachel snaps at you, pulling you out of your thoughts. “Are you finished? We should get back and finish working on your audition piece.”

You nod and push your plate away and leave a handful of bills on the table. 

“Good luck with your audition, Santana.” Jake gives you a dreamy looking smile.

“Yes, good luck S, in case I don’t see you tonight. You’re going to blow those other bitches out of the water.” Quinn smirks at you. You laugh and thank them as you follow Rachel out the door. 

 

Rachel makes you rehearse Rent’s Out Tonight until you’re on the verge of punching her in the face. The girl really knows how to drive you insane, and not in the good way Brittany can. 

“Okay Rachel, I’m done. I’ve had enough. We’ve practiced the dancing like a gazillion times. I’m not going to get any better if I do it one more time. I’m going to Britt’s.”

“Fine.” She sighs. “You are really good anyway. You’ve got the song in the bag. It’s a bold choice sometimes to sing a song from the musical, but in this case, I really think you should. It shows off your dancing and your range. You can’t go wrong with something like that.”

You smile since scary Rachel has left the building and nice Rachel is back again. You’d never admit it to her, but you’re glad she’s helping you. She knows the stage better than anyone else you know. 

“Yeah, yeah, thanks for the Broadway boot camp. It was just a blast.” You say sarcastically with a smirk. She grins at you as you quickly step through the doorway before she can make you practice anymore. In the lobby at NYADA you send a quick text to Brittany. 

*I’m finally done with Rachel. Any special requests for dinner? I can make something.* 

You walk to the nearest subway station and hop a ride to Queens.

*Hi! Something Mexican! I miss your mom’s cooking.* You wrinkle your nose at her cute text. You miss your mom’s cooking too. You send her a quick text back telling her to get excited because you’re definitely making Mexican. 

As you exit the subway station in Queens, you hit the green button on your phone to call Maribel Lopez. 

“Hola Mija. How are you?” She answers on the second ring.

“Hola Mamí. Cansada. Rachel has had me working all day. I’m auditioning for an off-Broadway production of Rent.” You tell her. You mentally make a note to call your mom more often as you remember that a lot has happened that you haven’t told her about.

“Oh baby that’s wonderful! I know you’ll get the part. Mi hija es tan talentosa. You’ll blow the directors away.”

You smile. “Gracias, Mamí. Estoy muy nerviosa pero Brittany is going with me.”

“Sí, don’t worry too much about the part. Just do your best and they will love you. How are things going with Brittany?” She asks. You told her that Dani had broken up with you, but you hadn’t mentioned that Brittany was pursuing you again, or that you’re together again. 

“We’re back together.” You tell her, holding your breath waiting for her response. You know your mom has always loved Brittany but you’re always afraid of disappointing her. 

“Oh Santana, ¡Estupendo! That’s great Mija. I always thought you and Brittany belonged together. And especially after seeing the two of you together again when you were home for the funeral. You both support each other so much and she makes you so happy. Oh Santana, I’m so happy for you two.” You exhale and smile broadly. 

“Thank you, Mamí. That means a lot. And speaking of Brittany, I want to make dinner for her tonight and she wants your cooking. Any suggestions? ¿Empanadas o enchiladas? ¿Arroz con pollo? I’m at the grocery store now.”

“Enchiladas, definitely. I think yours are better than mine!” You and your mom both laugh and chat a little longer about everything at home until your basket gets too full to carry with one hand while still talking on the phone with the other. 

“Okay Mom. Tengo que irme. Te amo.” 

“Te amo and good luck tomorrow! Call me and let me know how it goes Mija.” You promise and hang up the phone and walk to the checkout. 

 

You knock on the door of Brittany’s apartment. A skinny black girl opens the door. 

“Um hi, I’m Santana. Is Brittany home yet?”

“No.” She stares at you holding two full bags of groceries. 

“Can I…come in? I’m cooking Britt dinner.” She just opens the door wider and walks to her room and slams the door.

“Bitch.” You say under your breath as you struggle with the bags. You sit everything on the counter and start looking in the cabinets for dishes when you hear a door open again. 

The girl who opened the door gives you another stiff look before slamming the front door. You throw a wild glance after her. You can’t imagine why she’s so uptight. Not even seconds later Brittany walks through the front door. 

“I guess you met Tiffany then.” She smiles brightly but raises her eyebrows.

“Yes, I did have the pleasure of meeting Tiffany. Is she always like that?” 

“If you’re asking if she’s always angry at the world, then yes. She is.” Brittany moves closer to you and snakes her arms around your waist. She places a very light kiss on your lips before smiling again. 

“Tiffany and Bella, my roommates, aren’t exactly very friendly. I’ve never felt like they liked me very much. I love Katelyn, obviously, but the other two just never talk to me.” She shrugs. “I know they weren’t happy about me getting a part in Cabaret because they auditioned too. Katelyn doesn’t think they really like her either so she always hangs out with me.”

“I can’t imagine how anyone could not like you.” You grin and kiss her nose. She wrinkles it in the cutest way. “But I can see why people might be jealous of you. You’re the best dancer in the world. And you’re a genius. That’s hard to live up to.”

She giggles and tells you that you’re silly. “What’s for dinner?!” 

“Enchiladas!” 

She squeaks excitedly. “My favorite!” She pulls her iPod out of her bag and plugs it into the speakers. 

“Want some music to cook to?” She asks. You nod and she starts The Fray’s Love Don’t Die and starts dancing around the room. 

You laugh and start putting the ingredients in the pan. 

_No matter where we go_   
_Or even if we don't_   
_And even if they try_   
_They'll never take my body from your side_   
_Love don't die_

She dances behind you running her hands up and down your sides, tickling you. 

“Britt stop! I’m cooking!” You squeal and squirm out of her reach. She wraps her arms around your waist and kisses your neck. You lean into her, but recoil when you hear the door slam. 

A different girl walks in, Bella you assume, and glares at you. 

“Can you turn this down? I have a headache.” And she retreats to her room without another glance. 

Brittany frowns and turns the music down. You furrow your brow. You can’t imagine that Brittany really wants to live here. 

“Maybe we should stay at my place tomorrow.” You suggest. Her face lights back up. 

You spend the rest of the evening in the best way by ignoring Brittany’s bitchy roommates and watching movies and cuddling with your girlfriend. You can’t imagine being in anyone else’s arms. 

 

The next morning you and Brittany are sitting the lobby of the off-Broadway theater where you’ll be playing Mimi if you get the part. Brittany links her pinky with yours.

“Don’t be nervous San. You’re the best and they won’t find a better Mimi. You once asked who would hire a go-go dancer for their show…well this one. Mimi was a stripper. You can pull off that role way better than some spoiled rich kid who grew up on the stage.”

You smirk. You hadn’t thought of that. Well you obviously had thought about how your skills would help you since Mimi is a stripper, but you hadn’t thought about how the other actresses would fare. 

You squeeze her pinky tighter against your own. “How do you always know what to say?”

“Because I know you Santana Lopez. And I know you’re going to do great.”

An official looking lady steps into the room with a clipboard. She calls out a few names, including yours. Brittany gives you a light kiss on the cheek and whispers a good luck in your ear as you stand. You widen your eyes and look at her. You’re scared.

“You can do this San. You’re going to be great.” She smiles and gives you a light nudge toward the lady. You follow the other performers backstage where she tells you to wait for your name to be called again. 

You fiddle with your hands because you’re nervous and you left your phone and purse with Brittany. You look around the large dressing room you’re sharing with a handful of other girls. They must all be auditioning for the part of Mimi. You swallow hard, but remember what Brittany said. You look at the perfectly primped girls who have no doubt been sucking on a silver spoon since they before they could walk. Not that you had a hard life, but your family was never rich. You didn’t go to a special performing arts high school or even a fancy arts college. But you can sing the pants off of just about anyone. The only people who give you any real competition are Rachel, Mercedes, and Dani, and it’s the same with dancing. You can dance circles around these girls, especially since you’ve been practicing for this part without even realizing it. 

“Santana Lopez.” The lady comes back into the room and calls your name. You take a deep breath and hold your head high as you stand and follow her onstage. 

One of the cast directors nods at you to begin. 

“I’m Santana Lopez and I’ll be auditioning for the part of Mimi.”

The music starts for Out Tonight and you start dancing just like you rehearsed with a mischievous smirk on your face. You and Rachel decided you had better leave out the part where she spreads her legs for the strip club patrons. Then you start singing. 

_I've had a knack from way back_   
_At breaking the rules once I learn the games_   
_Get up! Life's too quick, I know someplace sick_   
_Where this chick'll dance in the flames_

You love that line. Once again, you’re the girl on fire and right now you feel like it. Your confidence came back when you realized what Brittany had said was true. You looked the part, you could sing the part, and you could damn sure dance the part. 

You watch the directors’ faces as you drop your ass low then do a high kick. You put on the sexy charade while keeping a perfect pitch.

You look away from the directors and scan the theater as you dance. You find the lone blonde standing at the back doorway. You can’t quite see her face but you can feel her smile. You grin even more broadly and dance a little harder. 

_Let's go out tonight_   
_I have to go out tonight_

You have fun dancing around the stage and get such a rush from performing for just a few people. You’re breathing heavily when you finish. You smile at the directors. 

“Thank you very much Ms. Lopez. We’ll let you know by tomorrow.”

“Thank you.” 

You walk off the stage with your head held high and meet Brittany in the lobby. 

You flash her a huge smile and plant a kiss right on her lips in front of everyone in the room. She pulls you in for a tight hug. 

“You were perfect. And so, so sexy Ms. Lopez.” You feel her grin and kiss your neck before linking her pinky with yours and pulling you out of the theater.


	14. Maybe Tonight

You’re on edge all day at rehearsal. You don’t know if Santana got the part yet or has heard back at all but you can hardly contain yourself as your director finally says you can go at 6. 

You bolt out the door and hop on the subway to head to Bushwick. You and Santana decided to stay at her place more often even though the walls are lacking so you can avoid your mean roommates. You feel bad for abandoning Katelyn but she’s started seeing a new guy and has been pretty absent from the apartment too. 

Finally, you reach your stop and bound off the train car and out into the street. You nearly sprint up the stairs and bang on the heavy metal door of Santana and Rachel’s apartment. Quinn gives you a surprised look as she opens the door. 

“Hey Britt. Where’s the fire?” 

“What fire?” You furrow your brow in confusion. “Is San home?”

“It’s an expression and no, she isn’t. She and Rachel are still at work. They should be getting off at 7. Why are you in such a rush?”

“I haven’t heard from San all day, so I don’t know if she’s gotten the part in Rent!” You bounce on your toes a little. Quinn’s face changes into an understanding expression as she nods. 

“I haven’t heard anything either. I guess we’ll have to wait until they get back.” She smirks at you. You start to walk over to the couch to sit where you see Jake grinning up at you. He’s gotten a hair cut since the last time you saw him. It’s much more clean-cut and preppy. 

“Jake! Nice hair! I love it!” You smile and plop yourself down beside him. You glance back up at Quinn who is looking at Jake with a dreamy look on her face. 

“Brittany, it’s great to see you again. I’m so glad to hear about you and Santana.” He says sincerely. He’s so sweet and genuine.

You blush. “Thank you! I’m so glad it worked out. Do you believe in soul mates?”

His eyes flick towards Quinn and he grins, staring down at his hands. “Yeah, I think I do. I think it’s rare to meet someone so perfect for you, but I guess when you do, it’s just right.”

You grin. You know he’s talking about Quinn but your heart swells because you feel the exact same way about Santana. You always have. 

The three of you chatter about the duo’s day. They had a cute date in the park and went to a museum. You can’t get over how great of a matchmaker you were to set Quinn up with Jake. 

Finally, you hear the metal door slide open again. You jump up and reach the door before Santana makes it inside. She has her poker face on so you can’t figure out what she’s thinking. Rachel, on the other hand, has a terrible poker face so she rushes past everyone else and hides in her room. 

Quinn looks at Santana with her eyebrows raised expectantly. Santana takes her time setting her things down on the table, so you grab her arm and tug a little. She breaks into a grin at your touch. 

“I got it! I got the part!” She says proudly. You squeal and wrap your arms around her neck and kiss her. Rachel runs out of her room clapping her hands. Quinn and Jake both offer their congratulations. 

“We’re celebrating! It’s Friday night! I’m calling the boys!” Rachel exclaims. 

You pull back and look at Santana. She’s blushing and grinning. You haven’t seen her look so proud of herself in a while, and it’s definitely a look that you could get used to. 

“I’m so proud of you babe! I knew you’d get it.” You say and kiss her on the nose. She wraps her arms around you and sways a little. 

“Well I had my lucky charm with me.” She buries her face in your neck. 

Rachel comes back in the room saying that Kurt and Blaine are picking up champagne, but then her faces takes a more tentative expression. 

“Santana, Brittany, I called Elliot and asked him to come but he’s hanging out with Dani. I said that it would be okay that she came. I hope that’s okay with you.” She says nervously. “I can always call him back…”

Santana glances at you with a look of concern. You shrug. “That’s fine.” 

Rachel exhales sharply. “Okay good. I’d feel really bad about telling them that she couldn’t come.”

“Jake and I are going to run out and get pizza for everyone.” Quinn says standing and grabbing her purse. She squeezes Santana’s shoulder on her way out the door. You watch the two of them go and see Quinn lace her fingers with Jake’s when she thinks she’s out of sight. 

Santana sees you and looks out the door too to see the intertwined fingers. She grins and whispers in ear, “You’re the best matchmaker, aren’t you?”

Rachel watches the two of you with a sad smile on her face. She walks over and places a hand on each of your backs. 

“I’m so happy for you two. I always knew you were meant to be.” She sniffles and Santana’s eyes get wide. You both know she’s thinking of Finn. Seeing her friends happy in love and in budding relationships has to be hard on her. You spy a tear trickling out of her eye before she can wipe it away. You immediately engulf her in a hug. 

“I miss him too Rach.” You feel her shudder with a sob in your arms. Santana’s eyes brim with tears too and you’re struggling to fight back your own. 

“I’m sorry…it’s just that whenever…something exciting happen or I see you guys happy together…I…I think of Finn…I miss him so much and I think it’s been worse lately because I’m not doing anything…I’m bored and restless…and…” She exhales. “I can’t move on.”

“No one’s asking you to Rach. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, but you can audition for something. Get into something again…make yourself busy.” You say, still hugging the shorter girl as Santana strokes her hair. You see tears seep out of Santana’s eyes. It breaks your heart to see both of the girls in tears. 

“Well I actually talked to my agent…” she sniffles again. “He said that they’re doing some recasting for Wicked. I could…audition for that.”

“You should. That would be amazing. San and I can come to your audition, if you want.” You tell her.

“I was thinking of picking a song for Finn…something he would really like. Kind of like a dedication, I guess.” She pulls away from you to face both of you. 

“That’s a great idea.” Santana tells her sincerely. “Do you have a song in mind?”

“Yeah…I might need your help practicing. It’s not my usual style.” She looks up at Santana with her big brown eyes. 

She smiles back at the puppy dog eyes. “Anything Rach.”

Rachel hugs you both again before retreating to her room to touch up her makeup before people start arriving. You change out of your dance clothes in Santana’s room, but before you can get your shirt on you feel a pair of tan arms snake around your waist and a kiss on your bare shoulder. 

“I love you, Brittany.” You twist around and capture her lips in your own. 

“I love you.” You whisper back. 

“I don’t ever want to lose you.” She breathes, her eyes glassy with fresh tears. You give her a reassuring kiss and hold her for a few minutes before finishing dressing.

 

Quinn and Jake arrive a few minutes later with three pizzas and a special vegan mini-pizza for Rachel in tow. 

“Thank you.” Rachel says and hugs Quinn tightly around the waist. Quinn raises her eyebrows in surprise and look at Santana who gives her a sad look. Quinn’s face immediately softens and she returns the hug. 

“Of course, Rach. We can’t let you starve.” She says with a giggle. 

Santana jumps up to answer a knock on the door and you see the three boys and a girl with dark brown hair staring at the ground, clearly uncomfortable. You feel bad for her but then remember what she said to you the last time you saw her. 

Dani glances up at you and looks away quickly and follows Elliot to the couch. The newlyweds set two bottles of champagne on the table and starting pouring a round for everyone and everyone grabs pizza too. 

“Congratulations Santana!” Kurt hugs your girlfriend. 

“Yeah congrats, Santana!” Blaine pipes up with a mouthful of pizza. 

You feel yourself swell with pride. You’re more proud of Santana than you were of yourself for getting a spot in Cabaret. You watch Dani as she makes her way to the kitchen to get pizza and champagne. She clings to Elliot’s side, only speaking to him and Rachel. You don’t remember her being so quiet. 

You watch your friends laughing and drinking, all congratulating Santana. You feel like you found your place finally. Rachel, having had too many glasses of champagne already, jumps up announcing that it’s time to sing. Kurt, Blaine, and Elliot are right behind her and Jake and Quinn seem to be having their own private conversation in the corner of the room, both with quiet smiles on their faces. 

“Brittany, Santana, could I talk to the two of you, privately?” Dani asks you and Santana tentatively. You look to Santana for a clue. Her lips are pulled into a tight line but she nods her head and leads the way to her room. You slip inside after the two girls and sit on the edge of the bed next to Santana where she stands with her arms crossed. 

“First, I wanted to say that I’m really sorry, Brittany. I should have never said anything to you about how you should treat Santana. It was way out of line and I apologize. You obviously know how to treat Santana well.” Dani says very quickly, her eyes wide. 

Santana opens her mouth to retort but you gently put your hand on her elbow and she stops. She simply nods instead. 

“Thank you.” You say.

“And Santana, I’m sorry that I said that to Brittany. I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have interfered.” Again, Santana just nods, but her face softens. 

“Anyway, I’m moving. To LA. I wanted to tell you. You were a great friend…girlfriend…to me, here in New York and your friendship meant a lot to me. I’m sorry that I opened my big mouth as usual and ruined it. I would have liked to get to know you too Brittany. You seem really sweet.” She says sincerely. 

Santana has softened significantly. “Why are you moving?”

“I got a bit of a break. I have a friend who works for a record label and he was able to pass along some of my work and they really liked me.” She shrugs, smiling. 

“That’s awesome Dani!” You tell her with a grin. You’re not mad at her anymore. It’s always been hard for you to stay mad at people, especially when they’re happy about great news.

“That really is amazing Dani!” Santana reaches out and hugs her. “Give me a heads up when your first single comes out. I might even buy it on iTunes.”

Dani laughs. “I’m not sure that it’ll be so soon, but I did come to say goodbye. I’m actually flying out first thing in the morning.”

 

After another round of congratulations and goodbyes, Dani leaves the party to prepare for her early flight and your friends reconvene for karaoke. Rachel is in the process of begging Quinn to sing, since Jake hasn’t ever heard her, and has started beating her fists against the coffee table and chanting her name.

You look at Santana and grin and you both join in. “Qui-inn! Qui-inn! Qui-inn!” You hear Santana throw in a Lucy in her chanting and Quinn throws a pillow at her. 

“Fine! But you two have to help me,” she says pointing to Kurt and Blaine, “and you two have to dance since this is the song I sang for you at a particular Valentine’s Day party. And I guess it’s a congratulatory song, too, S.”

You jump and grab Santana’s hands and she giggles as you spin her around as the same Cherish / Cherish mash-up that The God Squad sang for you and Santana at Sugar’s Valentine’s Day party two years ago. Blaine takes the part Joe sang and Kurt takes Sam’s part. You spot Jake gazing dreamily at Quinn as her smooth alto voice carries through the room as she sings her original part and the part Mercedes sang.

_Cherish the joy_   
_You keep bringing it_   
_Into my life,_   
_Always singing it_   
_Cherish your strength_   
_You got the power_   
_To make me feel good_

You smile wide as you look at the beautiful girl in front of you and remember that Valentine’s Day. You remember how Santana stood up to the bullies and made a point to call you her girlfriend, which wasn’t something she had been very comfortable with for a long time. You remember how your friends sang this song especially for you and Santana, celebrating your love, and it felt like they were doing it now all over again. You remember how Santana gave you a real kiss in public, in front of all of your friends. As the song comes to an end you pull Santana into a kiss again, just like your memory. You feel her smile into your mouth and kiss you even harder. You pull away and turn to your friends. 

Quinn returns to her spot next to Jake who wraps his arms around her and whispers something in her ear and then kisses her. She breaks into a huge grin and lays her head on his chest. 

“Woooo!” You, Elliot, and Rachel all cheer at the same time. 

Quinn blushes and says, “Yes, thank you…we’re officially together now.” She smiles back up at Jake, who is also blushing. 

“Well then girl you are not done yet.” Santana lets go of you to pull Quinn over to the clear space in the middle of the room. “You’re singing another one. I assume you both still remember the dance?” She nods at Rachel who starts the next song. You immediately recognize the song you performed for the newbies as the infamous Unholy Trinity, Come See About Me. 

You face away from the rest of the group and start bouncing your hips. You spin around as Quinn starts to sing and harmonize the backup with Santana. You forgot how much you love dancing with your two best friends. You make funny faces at Santana as you twirl around Quinn making her laugh. 

_So won’t you hurry_   
_Come on, boy_   
_See about me_   
_See about you baby_

Quinn sings with a sexy smirk meant for Jake. You dance around her with Santana and belt out your solo line on cue and giggle as you caress Quinn’s shoulder as the song ends. You finish and receive a standing ovation from Rachel and all of the boys. You laugh and find yourself back in Santana’s arms. 

 

The next few weeks fly by with rehearsals getting really intense for you and Rent rehearsals starting for Santana. You spend nearly every night with Santana because you both agree that you don’t want to leave Rachel alone in the apartment much. She’s been lonely and restless but today is finally the day of her audition for Wicked. 

Her name is called and you and Santana sneak into the back of the theater to watch. Santana helped her practice a song that you’ve never heard of but you know it’s something that Finn would have liked, so you assume it’s rock. You link your pinky with Santana’s and wait for Rachel to walk across the stage. Finally she does. 

“Hi I’m Rachel Berry and I’ll be auditioning for the part of Elphaba. This isn’t a tradition Broadway audition song, but I hope you like it anyway.” 

A recording with a cool drum beat starts. Somehow Rachel turned a song called Maybe Tonight by Bonnie Dune into an appropriate Broadway audition song. 

_Take me hand and pull me in,_   
_Lose our way to be found again, and_   
_Maybe tonight I won't be alone_   
_Maybe tonight I won't be alone!_

The song effectively shows off her amazing talent and she seems to get lost in the music the same way you get lost in dancing. You can tell the lyrics remind her of Finn. She doesn’t want to be alone without him. She’s in her element and you’ve never seen someone sing so passionately. You know she just got a callback when you see the directors nod a little as she finishes. 

“Thank you Rachel.” She nods and walks off the stage. 

You glance at Santana who gives you a sad smile. “Finn would have loved that. She picked it because of the drum part. She said it sounded like him.” 

You wrap your arm around her waist as you walk out to find Rachel. She greets you both with a smile and a hug. 

“That was amazing Rachel. You are incredible.” You tell her. “But I’m so sorry, I have to run. Final dress rehearsal before tomorrow!” 

You hug Rachel again and kiss Santana and sprint the two blocks back to your own theater for the last rehearsal before your big day. You can’t believe your show opens in less than 24 hours. You fiddle with your necklace. You really wish your dad could be here to see it. 

 

Finally it’s April 24th, your opening night. You haven’t stopped moving since you left the Bushwick apartment early this morning, leaving Santana a kiss on the cheek and a full pot of coffee. 

You think that your director has actually lost his mind and has been ordering everyone around all day. You get the feeling that this is his first big production too. You’re glad you’re not as nervous as he is. 

Between final costume alterations and run-throughs, you’ve only gotten a short break all day, which you spent hiding at your dance company’s studio with techno violin music by Lindsey Sterling to clear your head. You’re exhausted and it’s five minutes until show time. 

You wish you could peek out the curtain to see where Santana and Rachel and whoever else came are sitting. San sent you a text earlier wishing you luck. You hope you can see her when the curtain goes up. 

You hear your director call you to your places. You take your place for the first number, Willkommen, as the Kit Kat Girl, Texas. It took you a while to figure out that your character’s name was Texas. It’s silly that she’s named after a state. You burst into a fit of giggles during the first practice when Emcee introduced you to the crowd. Your character gets a couple of catcalls but then he tells them that she likes girls and makes a gesture for scissors with hand. Santana finds this ironic and totally hysterical. 

You glance over at Haley, who has also taken her place as Rosie. She gives you a nervous grin. You hear the crowd hush and the curtains rise slowly. It’s time!

You heart skips a beat as the first two girls start to move to the front of the stage. You’re next. You move to join the other girls as Emcee introduces all of you. Finally, he gets to Texas and you shimmy and flash a sexy smirk when he says you like girls. You wish you could see out into the audience to the girl you like but the stage lights are bright. 

You hit all of the right cues and the show goes off without a hitch. You don’t fall out of your chair during Mein Herr like you did one day in rehearsal and you even get a couple laughs from some of your sillier dance moves.

You think you hear the crowd yell a little louder as you curtsy with the rest of the cast after the final act. You grin broadly out into the crowd. It’s a rush being on stage and dancing for so many people. Your heart feels like it might jump out of your chest. You bow one last time with your arms around your cast mates as the curtain close. You just performed in your very first Broadway show!

 

You make your way backstage and change out of your costume into a comfortable dress and flats. Santana mentioned going out for dinner after the show so you can’t put on your sweats like you’d like to. You’re clasping the locket your dad gave you around your neck when you feel a pair of arms wrap around you and squeeze tight. You look up in the mirror expecting Santana but see your little sister instead. You jump up and twirl her around in a hug then hug your mom. 

“Oh my gosh! I can’t believe you’re here! I had no idea you were coming!” Tears well up in your eyes as you sway with your mom and sister. You look up to see Santana smiling back at you holding a bouquet of daisies. She did this for you. 

“Baby you were amazing! You were the best one up there, no doubt about it.” Your mom tells you, her eyes full of tears too, holding your face in her hands. “I am so proud of you Brittany and I know Daddy is too.” 

Tears spill over your cheeks as you engulf your mom in another hug and bury your face in her hair. You hold her a second longer before pulling away and wiping your eyes. She looks at Santana, inviting her into your inner circle. 

“These are for you.” She grins holding out the daisies, your favorite flower. “You are amazing, Britt.”

You pull her into a hug too and give her a soft kiss on her lips. “Thank you so much. For this, for the flowers, for…everything.”

“I knew how much it meant to you to have your family here, so Rach and I kind of put together a little fundraiser. We really couldn’t have done it without Sugar.”

“Sugar’s here too?” You look at her, surprised. She nods.

“Yeah, her dad was a big funder in our fundraiser. Come on, she’s at the restaurant with everyone else.”

 

You’re sitting at the end of a huge table in a party room full of your friends and thanks to Santana, Rachel and Sugar, your family at an Italian restaurant with “the best breadsticks” in Manhattan. You have a hunch as to who picked the restaurant. You stand and tap on your glass with your fork and everyone quiets. 

“Thank you all so much for coming to support me. It means so much that you’re all here. And thank you so much to everyone who helped get my mom and sister here all the way from Lima.” You pause and look down at your sister and gingerly touch your necklace. “This has been the most amazing night of my life. I feel like I’ve finally found my place in life, just like Daddy said.”

You blink back tears. “I know that I’ve given this speech before, and I really did think I was going somewhere great then too, but now I know that this is where I really belong. I just want to say thank you. Thank you to every single one of you. You’ve all helped me get here. I love you all.”

A couple people clap for you and others raise their glasses, even though you didn’t really make a toast. You sit back down and lean against Santana. You nuzzle your face into her neck. 

“Thank you the most. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you so much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I apologize if I don't get everything right as far as how Broadway or auditions work. 
> 
> Second, the Bonnie Dune song doesn't exactly fit, especially for a Broadway audition, but I really wanted to include it somehow, with Rachel singing it since the band just released those tracks with Cory on them. So it was less of story service and more of a significance thing.


	15. Seasons of Love

The past month has been a blur. You and Brittany are stronger than ever and you’re happier than you’ve been in a really long time. Brittany’s opening night of Cabaret went just as planned. You and Rachel managed to sneak around Brittany and get her mom and sister plane tickets, show tickets, and a hotel room booked for two nights, thanks to Sugar. The loud-mouthed girl turned out to be a little less obnoxious than you remember her. Now there are just two short weeks until your own opening night. 

Kurt and Rachel were annoying the shit out of you at work. They kept up incessant chatter about their upcoming final exams and Rachel constantly checked her phone to make sure she didn’t miss any calls from her agent. It had only been three days since her audition. You were no Broadway guru but you figured that’s about how long she would have to wait before hearing back. 

Now you’re at a Rent rehearsal running through your audition song with the new dance moves that _do_ involve you spreading your legs for the audience. You have fun shaking your ass around the stage. You wow your cast mates and receive a small applause when you finish. 

“Amazing, Santana.” Jack Winston tells you. “That was nearly perfect. You’re giving Rosario Dawson a run for her money. Okay, take five and come back and we’ll go over I’ll Cover You and Take Me or Leave Me.”

You feel an arm link through yours and see the cutest lady-man you’ve ever met smiling at you. “You are amazing Ms. Lopez. I seriously do not know how you got to be such a sexy dancer.”

“Thanks Bryce, I have the hottest dancer in the world for a girlfriend that’s how. You better get ready. Angel’s up next.” You giggle and give the boy a smack on the ass. Bryce is the perfect Angel and you actually enjoy his company in small doses. 

Your scene partner, on the other hand, is a straight boy who won’t stop hitting on you. You’ve told him over and over again that you’re gay with a smoking hot girlfriend, but he just doesn’t get it. Fortunately he hasn’t said anything overtly creepy, otherwise you’d have to tell someone and you’d hate to do that because he does play a great Roger.

You check your phone to see five missed calls from Rachel. You start to panic, thinking that something bad has happened, but then remember that Rachel is insane and she probably just wants your opinion on a song choice for her midterm. You hit the green button to call her back anyway.

“Santana, finally!” She answers, her voice high-pitched.

“Rachel I’m at rehearsals. You know this. What’s up?”

“Igotacallback!” She squeals. It takes you a second to comprehend. You’re not sure that she was speaking English. 

“That’s great! When is it?” You ask her.

“Day after tomorrow. Please come with me Santana. I don’t want to go alone.”

“I’ll be there. Just let me know what time and where it is. Do you have a song picked out?” You ask her, even though you know she does. The girl is never unprepared. 

“Yes, it’s not a show tune but I think it’s good for Wicked.” You listen to the diva chatter on with excitement for a few moments longer. 

“Okay Rach, that’s amazing. I have to get back to rehearsal, but text me and let me know the details so I can make sure I don’t have anything else going on.”

You hang up the phone and walk back on the stage with the rest of the cast as your director starts giving orders for I’ll Cover You. You step off the stage with girl who plays Maureen and watch as Bryce and the other male actor start singing. You love this song, but the reprised version always brings you to tears. You think of Brittany and how you’d like to cover her in 1,000 kisses. When you were younger and struggling with your sexuality you were fascinated by Joanne and Maureen’s relationship but now you love Tom and Angel because theirs is based completely in their love for each other. 

You watch as the director moves on to the next song, and then finally you’re called back to the stage with Zack, the one who plays Roger. 

“Let’s run through Without You, then we’ll call it quits for the day.” 

You take your place and start the sad song. You draw on how you felt when you and Brittany broke up. Everything moved on, everyone moved on, except you. You give a great performance again and only receive a few critiques from your director. 

The sad song leaves you feeling a little down but it’s drowned out by your happiness from being a part of the production. You feel like you’re actually doing something with your life. This plus your acceptance to NYU and even the extension classes at NYU and NYADA give you a purpose. You leave the theater with your head held high to join your girlfriend for dinner. 

 

“I’m so nervous! I don’t even think I was this nervous at my first callback for Funny Girl.” Rachel can’t stop talking on your walk over to the theater where her callback audition will be held. 

“You’re going to be great, Rach. They know you’re good. You starred in Funny Girl as a freshman in college. You’ve been training this your entire life.” You give her a little pep talk as you walk through the doors to the lobby. “I’ll meet you back here, okay?”

She nods and wraps her arms around you. You hug her tightly and wish her luck. You sneak into the back of the theater and take a seat. You watch a couple other girls who also got a callback for Elphaba. They’re great, but you know Rachel is better. Finally, they call her name and she walks across the stage. She hands sheet music to the pianist, takes a deep breath and starts a song called You’re Mine that you’ve never heard before. 

_And I told you all my dreams and fears_   
_And you looked at me and your eyes filled with tears_   
_And you said those three words I'd been waiting for_   
_You became a part of me, yeah_

_You're mine, for life_   
_And I'll be by your side_   
_We are entwined_   
_You're mine, for life,_   
_Hold me until we die,_   
_I'm yours and you are mine_

Your breath catches in your throat as she belts out the chorus. It’s a beautiful song. She didn’t have you help her with this one but she definitely was thinking of Finn when she chose this song too. You think you can see tears shimmering on her face as closes her eyes, her mouth open wide holding out the high notes of the chorus. You heart breaks all over again for Rachel and for everyone who loves Finn. This is Rachel. This is the Rachel you know. She gets her emotions out in song better than even you can. There’s no way the directors can’t see that she’s perfect for the passionate part of Elphaba. When she finishes you have to restrain yourself from applauding. 

“Thank you Rachel.” One of the directors say. Rachel nods and starts to turn when he speaks again. “Rachel wait, I don’t think there’s much of a debate here…you got the part. You’re our Elphaba.”

Rachel’s face lights up and she put her hands over her mouth and bounces on her toes. “Thank you so much! Thank you!”

You meet Rachel back in the lobby. You wipe a tear off of her face and congratulate her. “That was song was incredible. I think the last time I heard you sing like that at Nationals our senior year.”

“The last time I felt like that when I was singing was this past year at the Winter Showcase. I was singing for Finn then too. He was the first person I called after I won last year.” She tells you. You remember hearing about her winning performance from Finn and her performance this year from her. She sang her audition song from Funny Girl, To Love You More by Celine Dion. 

“Well man hands, you’ve really made a name for yourself.” You grin at her as she rolls her eyes at you. “I’m so proud of you Rach. I always knew you’d be the one to do this.”

“Aw Santana, when did you become so sweet?” She teases as you leave the theater. 

 

After a couple more weeks of nonstop practicing, it’s your opening night. You’re excited even though it’s not nearly as big as Brittany’s. Your mom could only afford to miss two days of work so she only came for one night. You offer her your bed and plan to stay at Brittany’s so she doesn’t have get a hotel room. 

“Oh mija, this is so exciting!” She tells you as you greet her in the lobby of the theater before your performance. She links her arm in Brittany’s and you kiss both of their cheeks after a round of “good lucks” and “I know you’ll be great” and watch them take their seats. Luckily, Brittany was able to take a night off from her own show to come to yours. The boys, Rachel and Quinn, who is back in town and sleeping on your couch, wave to you from across the lobby as they enter.

You make your way backstage again and squirm with nerves. Zack, who has finally stopped hitting on you, punches you lightly in the arm. “Break a leg, Lopez.”

You raise your eyebrows at him and smile. “You too.” You say as you feel a gentle hand on your back. 

“Hola mamasita. ¡Buena suerte!” Bryce sings to you in Spanish. You giggle and give him a gentle shove with your shoulder as you lean into him. 

“Are you nervous?” You ask him. 

He shrugs. “A little. This is your first show, isn’t it?”

You feel your face flush a little. “Yeah, why?” You feel a little defensive.

“Oh calm down girl. It’s normal to be nervous. It’s your first time! Think about the first time you and your girl got your freak on. You knew you were gonna be great, but you were a little nervous. Am I right?” You burst into a fit of giggles. 

“See there you go. Not nervous now!” He grins and hugs you. “Knock ‘em dead Mi-miiiiiiii!” He sings at you again. 

You feel a little less nervous as your director calls for you to take your places. You stand at the front of the stage lined up with your co-stars as the music stars and curtain rises. 

_Five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes_   
_Five hundred, twenty-five thousand journeys to plan_   
_Five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes_   
_How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?_

You sing out to the crowd. Even though you’ve sung these very lines on stage for weeks now, you’re still taken back to the memorial service the Glee club had for Finn where you last performed this song. You sing out a little louder. For some reason thinking of Finn comforts you and your nerves slip away, almost as if you could really feel him watching over you. You can imagine what he’d say if he saw you. He’d be supportive like he always was and tell you that he’s so proud of you. Your heart swells and you silently dedicate your own performance to a brother you lost too soon.

After an applause you quickly move to your place on the scaffolding that serves as your balcony for the next number. You sing along to your parts and then wait offstage until finally, it’s time for your first real number: Light My Candle. Candle in hand you knock on the makeshift door and start singing. Your first solo goes as quickly as it came and before you know it’s time for your favorite: Out Tonight. 

You get cheers from the audience and put on your sexiest face and shake your ass like a stripper. You’re almost positive that one of those cheers came from Brittany. You make a mental note to give her a private show later. You feel yourself smirk at the thought. You get an applause after your ass shaking performance and move on to feign a love interest with Zack. Convincing your director that you actually like “Roger” was the hardest part about rehearsing and perfecting your roll in this show. You have zero interest in Zack because he isn’t a pretty dancer with long blonde hair. But you put on your most convincing facade and finally the first act is over. 

You let Bryce squeeze you around the middle in a bear hug. “That was amazing. You blew everyone away with Ou-ooooooooout Tonight.” He tells you in a singsong voice. 

You grin. “Well I’m pretty much already in tears just thinking about your scenes coming up. Don’t die girlfriend!” You pout and beg him, fighting back giggles.

After a short 10-minute intermission, you take your place again for Seasons of Love B. The girls who play Maureen and Joanne get a huge applause for Take Me or Leave Me, but you secretly think that Mercedes and Rachel did a better job in Glee club. You break up Roger and then you’re brought to actual tears sitting in the pew as the actor who plays Tom Collins sings I’ll Cover You – Reprise. It hits a little too close to home and you think of Finn again. You can almost hear Rachel singing it. 

Finally, it’s time to sing out Finale B, your last performance of the night. 

_There’s only us, there’s only this_   
_Forget regret or life is yours to miss_   
_No other choice, no other way_   
_No day but today_

You wrap your arm around Zack and sing out remembering what the whole musical is about. Life is short and you have to embrace love. You feel really gay for even thinking about how lame that sounds, but it’s true. You’ve always been cautious and afraid to jump into love. You’re reminded of Finn and Rachel almost getting married when you were all still in high school. It seemed ridiculous at the time, but now…life’s too short.

You finish the song and wipe a stray tear away. You’re grinning from ear to ear. Your first performance was amazing. The rush of being on stage in the spotlight sent sparks of energy through your bones. You loved it. 

The audience is on its feet cheering. Following the footsteps of the other girls, Maureen and Joanne, you walk across the back of the stage meeting Zack in the middle. You hold his hand and walk to the front of the stage to take a bow. Bryce and the actor who played Tom follow, hand in hand, and Bryce laces his fingers with yours. Once everyone is on stage again, you bow one more. You squint trying to find Brittany in the crowd. You hear a faint “Santana!” over the crowd and grin. There’s your girl. 

 

After a small dinner with just Rachel, Brittany, Quinn, and your mom, you say goodbye to the others as you and Brittany start heading back to her apartment. 

“We’re going to take this subway station down here. It’s faster for getting to Queens.” Brittany tells Rachel. 

“¡Felicidades, mi amor! You were so wonderful. I’ll meet you tomorrow for lunch before my flight. Te amo.” 

“Te amo, Mamá.” You wave bye to your mom and the girls.

Brittany laces her fingers with yours and kisses you on the cheek. “Santana Lopez, my girlfriend, you are amazing. You were totally the hottest person on that stage. Even the audience thought so.”

You look down blushing. “Well I was thinking about you, thinking about performing for you so I tried to look extra good.”

“It worked.” She raises her eyebrows and scrunches her nose. She leans into you and nibbles your ear. “You’re so sexy.”

You shiver and pull her down the street quicker. You want to get home before you jump her bones in the street. You approach the stairs leading down to the subway when she tugs back on your arm. 

“This way.” She says, leading you past the subway. 

“Where are we going?” You look at her, confused.

“You’ll see.”

You follow her a few more blocks away when she turns and enters a very fancy looking hotel. 

You gape at Brittany as she pulls you through the lobby and onto the first elevator. She presses the button for 18 and then presses her body into yours. She plants a kiss on your mouth before you have a chance to ask what’s going on. 

The elevator dings and she pulls you down the hall and slips a key card into the door. It opens. She leads you inside and you gasp. The room is covered in red rose petals and there’s a bottle of champagne chilling in an ice bin. The curtains are pulled back revealing a beautiful view of central park. 

“Britt, this is amazing. When did you…?” You’re at a loss for words. 

She smiles shyly. “I wanted to surprise you like you surprised me. Your mom was already planning on coming to your show so I couldn’t do that so I thought of the next best thing.”

You lunge towards her and wrap your arms around her. Your lips crash into hers and you start to pull her down to the bed. 

“Wait!” She says, pulling back slightly. She stands and plugs her iPod into her portable speakers and Mariah Carey’s song #beautiful starts to play. She pulls you up so that you’re sitting on the side of the bed. She starts to slowly dancing in front of you singing along softly to Miguel’s part of the song. 

She puts a knee on the bed beside you so that she’s straddling you with one foot on the floor. She rolls her hips toward you and slowly peels off her shirt then does the same to yours. She pushes you back a little and gets her other knee on the bed so she’s really straddling you now. She continues to roll her hips toward you, grinding against your legs. She runs her fingers through your hair massaging your scalp lightly. You reach around her and unclasp her bra and let it fall to the floor. You run your hands up and down her smooth sides and start singing Mariah’s part.

_I like when you run red lights_   
_Don’t stop ‘til you thrill me_   
_Oh how you thrill me!_   
_Always in control, how you do it I don’t know_   
_But I don’t care, take me anywhere_

Before you can start the chorus, she takes your lips in hers and kisses you hard. She unhooks your bra before pushing you down on the bed. She kisses your neck and whispers more song lyrics in your ear, sending chills down your spine. 

You start to fiddle with the button on her jeans. She pulls your own jeans off and then flips you both over so you can take hers off. You slowly start to kiss down her body until she flips you back over, straddling you again. She’s in control.

She gives you sweet lady kisses starting on your lips, then moving down your neck, over your chest and toned abs, then down and back up your thighs. She pauses at the top of your thigh before moving between your legs, showering you with kisses. You inhale sharply and squeeze your eyes shut. You allow yourself to be completely vulnerable and give yourself over to Brittany. After a few glorious minutes, you feel an explosive euphoria and shudder with pleasure, your chest heaving. 

Brittany leaves a trail of kisses back up your torso before settling in your arms beside you. 

“I love you.” She tells you sweetly, kissing you on the nose. 

“I love you.” You say, still panting. “Let’s move in together.”

“What?” She stares at you in surprise. “Do you mean that?”

“Yeah, I do. Think about it…we could get a place together so you wouldn’t have to live with those awful girls anymore and Quinn could move in with Rachel. We spend every night together anyway. It would just make sense. Quinn’s apartment hunting isn’t going well anyway.” You say, keeping quiet for a few moments to let Brittany process it. 

“Okay.” She says simply. 

“Okay?”

“Okay, let’s move in together.” She smiles at you. You grin and pull her in tightly. 

You both lay there for a little while, just holding each other. 

“Are you tired?” She asks. “It’s been a long day. Maybe you should get some sleep.”

You push her onto her back and straddle her. “Now why would I let this beautiful hotel room go to waste? And you can’t possibly think that I wouldn’t return the favor.” You flash her your sexiest smile and shower her with kisses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, You're Mine is obviously a song by Lea Michele. I didn't actually want to include her name in it because that would be a little weird.
> 
> Second, as you can probably tell I'm obsessed with Rent so it was a lot of fun to write about that compared to my struggle to write about Cabaret, because I've never seen Cabaret. I hope it wasn't too much about Rent!


	16. Girl on Fire

The next evening after your amazing night with Santana, you sit in her apartment on the couch with Quinn. 

“What’s going on with you two? Why do we all need to be here for this?” Quinn eyes you suspiciously. 

“Just wait for San to get home!” You snap, a little exasperated. She’s only asked you ten times now. 

Rachel walks in the living room from her bedroom and sits down in a raggedly looking chair that someone tried to make better with a quilt haphazardly thrown on top of it. It looks like it might smell bad. 

Finally, Santana comes through the door and you stand to greet her with a kiss on the cheek. 

“Oh thank God you’re here. Brittany won’t tell us what’s going on and I have plans later.” Quinn sighs tiredly. 

“Right.” Santana sits on a cleaner looking chair. “Well I have been thinking about how I can solve quite a few housing problems with one big solution…now obviously this is only going to happen if everyone involved is cool with it.”

Quinn raises her eyebrows and Rachel looks on expectedly. 

“I was thinking that I could move out of here and in a new place with Brittany and Quinn could have my room. I know the search hasn’t been going great for you, Q, and Brittany hates her roommates—”

“—hey no I don—” You try to say but Santana cuts you off with a wave of the hand. 

“And I could never leave you alone here, Rach, but if Quinn were to move in…it’s just a thought. You can say no. But just think about it.” She stands abruptly and pulls you up by the hand and to her room. She pulls the curtains closed and sits on her bed. 

“And now we wait, but while we do it we could do something productive…” She pulls out her laptop and sets in front of her as she lies on her stomach. You had a different idea of productive, but you plop down next to her to see what she’s looking at. You see a picture of the two of you in Cheerios uniforms as her background before she clicks the Internet icon. You grin sheepishly. 

“We’re cute.” You say and lean in to kiss her cheek. She turns her head at the last second so that your lips meet. You smile into her kiss and giggle. 

“What are we looking at?” You ask pulling back slightly. 

“Apartments. Britt…we could afford something in Manhattan. Well…you can…I could help.” You kiss her again to shut her up. 

“ _We_ can.” You say. But she’s right. You can. You’re making close to $2,000 a week performing in Cabaret. She’s getting paid too, but not nearly as much. But almost $700 a week can easily afford the two of you other luxuries. 

You watch the computer screen as she scrolls through apartment listings. You see a few that look really promising, and some that look amazing but way out of your price range. Santana starts making a list of places that could work for the two of you. 

You can hear Rachel and Quinn talking softly in the next room. You get nervous and hope they’re agreeing to Santana’s plan. You really want to live with her. 

Finally, after about ten long minutes Rachel poked her head in Santana’s room. 

“Hey, can we come in?” Rachel asks and Santana nods. Quinn follows the shorter girl in and they both sit on Santana’s bed. You sit up to face them and look between Rachel and Quinn with wide eyes. 

“Quinn…” Rachel looks at her tentatively. 

“I…” She pauses, picking her words carefully as usual. “I think it’s a pretty good idea. For me, anyway. I’m concerned mostly about the two of you.”

You scrunch up your face a little. “Why?”

“I know it’s been a couple of months now, but you just got back together. What if this is too soon? What if this doesn’t work out? I’m not saying that it won’t, but just…what if? What will you do?” She says quietly, clearly not wanting to upset either of you. 

You start to speak, but Santana beats you to it. “I get what you’re saying, but I’m not going anywhere. And it’s not like we won’t have anywhere else to go if something goes wrong, we have friends…but nothing is going to go wrong.”

“It is a big step…” You say, glancing at Santana. “But we’re ready for it, I think.” 

“Okay. As long as you’ve both thought this through.” She smiles which makes you all start smiling and Rachel bounces excitedly. 

 

Over the next week you set up appointments every morning to see different apartments. You see a bunch of shoebox-sized apartments, most that look like they haven’t seen any updates since 1950. You’re a little discouraged by the whole ordeal as you’re walking up to the last showing of the day with Santana. 

The realtor opens the door to the apartment building and gestures for you both to come in. You step into a nice looking lobby. The building is obviously new. At first you start to worry that this is out of your price range, but your realtor seems to sense your fear as she hits the up button to call the elevator. 

“Now I know what you’re thinking. This is too good to be true, and it is. But it’s well within your price range. It’s just a little less than $2,000 a month, plus utilities.” She smiles at you. 

Santana looks at you with wide eyes. You can tell she’s impressed. You get off of the elevator on the 11th floor and walk down a plushy, carpeted hallway. The realtor fishes a key out of her bag and unlocks the door. She shows you into a beautifully finished and spacious, for New York, apartment. 

“This is the one bedroom model. It’s about 640 square feet, plenty of space, lots of light.” 

She shows you the kitchen and the large living space, then the bedroom with big closets. Santana lets out a squeak when she sees the closet. She didn’t even have on in Rachel’s apartment. Well, she didn’t even have a room for a while until Kurt moved out. 

The realtor steps out in the hallway to give you and Santana some space to talk about it. 

“This is really nice, B.” Her eyes are still huge. You nod slowly. 

“Isn’t Harlem a bad area? I hear rappers talk about it all the time…” You trail off gazing out of the large windows that overlook the city. 

“I don’t think it’s a bad neighborhood anymore. I’ve heard that it’s actually a really good place to live now.” She grabs your hand. “Do you like this place?”

You look at her and nod. “It’s perfect.”

“Should we…?” She looks nervous, but you can see excitement bubbling up in her eyes.

“Yes. Let’s do this. Let’s get our first place together!” She giggles, jumps, and hugs you all at once that you have to steady yourself against the window. She places a light kiss on your lips. 

You find the realtor and give her a thumbs up. 

 

It takes about a week to get everything moved in. Unfortunately, the only person you know that has a car is Katelyn, but hers is small so you don’t even bother asking to borrow it. 

You had to hire a moving truck and make a few trips to Ikea, but finally you and Santana have what looks like a home. The living room is still pretty bare, but you like it that way so you have more room to dance. There is a beige couch against one wall and a TV mounted on the other. Santana talked you into getting a coffee table with wheels so that you could easily move it out of the way for dance parties. 

You took Santana’s bed from Rachel’s since it was nicer than your old one and sold the one from your room and used the money to buy new bar stools for the kitchen. You skipped buying a table since that would just take up more of your dancing space. 

You’re arranging pictures of you and your friends that you had gotten printed and framed on the wall behind the couch when you hear the doorknob jiggle. You whip your head around to see Santana stumbling in with an arm full of groceries. 

“I hate hosting parties.” She grumble sitting everything down on the counter. You skate around behind her and wrap your arms around her waist. 

“But baby, it’s a housewarming party for _our_ new home.” You say as you kiss her on the cheek. She twists around in your arms and looks at you before smiling. 

“I like how you say _our_ home.” She pops a kiss on your lips. “I like this, living with you.”

You return the kiss and pull her into the living room to show her the pictures you’ve put on the walls. In the middle is a large photo of the Glee club after you won Nationals for the first time. 

“I love that picture.” She murmurs, studying it closely. “You can see our pinkies linked together.”

You smile. The other pictures are even older of you and Santana with Quinn and the Cheerios and of you and Santana as young children. The last two pictures are individual pictures of you both: one of you holding hands with Cabaret cast members before bowing at your first performance, the other very similar of Santana singing Seasons of Love in the opening number of Rent. 

“I love these Britt.” She smiles broadly and kisses you deeply. You both fall back on the couch as she climbs on top of you. You throw your arms around her neck and nibble at her lip. 

“I love _this_ , San, but people are going to be here soon.” You say. She gives you the cutest pouty face and you kiss her again. Reluctantly, she climbs off of you and starts to unload groceries. You move to help her and set out trays of veggies, chips, and cookies. 

You answer the knock on the door after another quick kiss to Santana. 

“Oh my God, you guys, this is amazing!” Rachel squeals as she twirls in the door and around the room, followed by her entourage of boys, Kurt, Blaine, and Elliot. 

You grin at Rachel and she oohs and aahs her way around the living room. 

“Can we see your room?” She asks excitedly. You nod, laughing. You had just cleaned it up earlier because you figured someone would want to see it. You lead the foursome into your room as Santana answers the second knock. You hear her chatting with Bryce, the boy who plays Angel on stage with her, and his boyfriend, Darius. 

Rachel heads straight for the iPod dock to start music, her job at every party she goes to. Santana lets Katelyn, Jake, and Quinn in soon after as Rachel starts dancing around the room with Kurt to a song from Funny Girl. 

“Britt! Come meet Bryce!” Santana calls you over to the kitchen where she’s mixing drinks. 

You hold out a hand to the tan, skinny boy. “I’m Brittany! I don’t think we’ve ever actually met! You’re great on stage!”

He grabs your hand and pulls you in for a hug. You giggle. You like him already. “Girl, I am a hugger. This is my man candy, Darius.”

You move to hug him too and he smiles shyly. “Brittany Pierce, right? I read about you the other day on Playbill.com. Apparently you’re the girl to watch.” Bryce winks at you and you blush. 

“Wow! I didn’t know people were talking about me! That’s awesome.” You smile widely at both of them.

You turn to answer what you hope to be the last knock. You have a great new place, but it’s definitely not big enough for many more people. 

“Haley! I’m so glad you could make it!” You say hugging her. 

“Thanks for the invite. Wow, this place is nice! Oh my God, Darius?” She is quickly distracted by the other boy so you take the opportunity to seek out Santana again. You snake an arm around her waist as she chats with Quinn. 

“Did you get all of your things moved in?” She asks her. 

“Yeah, it was a bitch getting my furniture up those stairs though. Luckily, Jake’s roommate has a lot of friends.” Quinn says raising her eyebrows. She smirks at the cute boy who is still holding on to her hand. She turns her head and starts whispering in his ear. 

Santana turns her attention to you. You’re taken aback for a moment at how beautiful she looks. She looks happy and comfortable, not at all how she looked when you first saw her at Kurt and Blaine’s wedding. 

She studies your face. “What are you thinking about?”

“How happy I am, here, with you. This is perfect.”

“Almost too good to be true.” She shrugs and lays her head on your shoulder. “But I always knew this is where we’d end up. I just didn’t know how we’d get here.”

“I’m so glad we got here.” You smile. “Look at all of this. Look at this place, with all of our friends. You’re headed to NYU in a couple of months, you’re doing a killer job in Rent…babe, I’m so proud of you.”

She twists her head up and kisses you softly. “And look at my girlfriend. Making a buzz on the Broadway stage, dancing her ass off and looking so hot while doing it.” She chuckles. “I’m so proud to call you mine.”

“I don’t think life could get any better right now.” You grin at her and kiss her again. 

“Wooo! Brittany, Santana! This is your party…sing something!” Rachel yells at you both after she turns the music down. It was only a matter of time before Rachel got going.

You look at Santana and pull her over to where Rachel has her iPod. “How about an old favorite?”

Santana grins as you press play. You start singing.

_She’s just a girl, and she’s on fire._

She pokes you in the stomach and sings over you.

_Hotter than a fantasy, lonely like a highway._   
_She’s living in a world and it’s on fire._

You sing louder. 

_Feeling the catastrophe, but she knows she can fly away_

_Oh, she got both feet on the ground_   
_And she's burning it down_

She sings louder than you, trying to overpower you, with a devious grin on her face.

_Oh, she got her head in the clouds_   
_And she's not backing down_

You both scream as loud as you can, trying to sing louder than the other. _THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!_

You both collapse into a fit of giggles and give up on the song. You wrap your arms around her and squeeze her tight and sway as your friends continuing singing the song.

“I love you.” You say. 

She taps you on the nose. “And I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There actually is an apartment complex that is that cheap and that nice in Harlem. It's called the Balton, but there are a few hoops they would have had to jump through to get that rate. I figured I'd leave all of that out to simplify things. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed my first attempt at writing! Thanks for reading!


End file.
